Just A Memory
by MidnightGirl467
Summary: Damon and Elena had once been in love but Damon couldnt it handle so he compelled her to forget everything about them. Now Elena's with Stefan,he can't take it and wants her back. Will he get his wish? Will Elena remember, or was his compelling too strong
1. Prologue

**New story that I've been working on. This is only the prologue but I hope you would like to read more after this. I love Delena and currently working on another story with them in. Enjoy.**

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><p>She had no idea. She had no idea why I would stare at her much longer than anyone else in the room did. She had no idea about our past, that I had known her so much better than my brother did. She had no idea she was the reason I was in this god forsaking town! She had no idea that with every look she made me feel human. She had no idea how much it hurt me to see his arms around her, kissing her perfect lips. She had no idea how much I loved her.<p>

The memory of compelling her to forget me was excruciating, the pain was unbearable. I don't know why I did it, why I had made her forget every kiss, every night, every touch. I was stupid to think that if I made her forget, I could forget too. I loved her, she was my sweet Elena. She would never believe me if I told her, I had known her before Saint Stefan. I had to get close enough to compel her to remember them nights, the kiss and love that we had once shared.

I couldn't live like this anymore.

Elena had to remember me.

She had to.

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><p><strong> I hope you enjoyed. Please Review. Follow me on Twitter FlyingFireworks. Thank you. Love MidnightGirl467. xXx<strong>


	2. Time in Time

**Here's the first chapter, I think there might be a few mistakes in this one and it's not the best but I hope you enjoy it all the same. The bold italics at the start and end are lyrics from Joel & Luke - Loves To Blame which is an amazing song, fits this fanfiction perfectly. Italics are flashbacks, so thats it. Enjoy. x**

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><p><em><strong>Time in Time I thought through it we loved and loved <strong>_

_**and how we fought each other,**_

_**pushing one another to be somebody else.**_

I stared at the ceiling making out stupid patterns, trying to distract myself from what was going on in the room a few doors down. They had been laughing, talking and making love to each other all morning and night. Everytime she would chuckle and giggle, I could feel my stomach twist in hatred. It hadn't been that long ago when I had been the reason she would laugh like that, so happy and so perfect.

"Stefan!" She shrieked followed by a giggle.

Urgh! I had to get out of here. I picked up the clothes that I had thrown on the floor last night, I walked downstairs zipping my trousers up slowly as I did so and I placed my shirt on. I quietly made my way downstairs not wanting to disturb the fairytale couple upstairs. Downstairs the house was silent, it was nice. It blocked out the pain of having her in the house after she spent the night with my brother.

I grabbed the nearest bottle of bourbon and poured myself a glass. I sat in my arm chair and just stared into the fire. The flames stretched wide and fought each other, the heat radiated strongly around the room, yet I still felt so cold inside. The sunlight poured through the windows and lit the room up with it's morning shine. My gaze never left the fire and at times if I stared hard enough I could see her in there. I could see me and her in the fire, just like it used to be. Just like it was supposed to be.

I thought back to the day I first met the beautiful Elena Gilbert.

_I walked into the Grill looking for some girl that I could play with and then later feed on. It had been a long journey back to Mystic Falls and I was parched with thirst. There was bound to be someone here to feed on. I searched around and seen two girls, one with bright blonde hair and the other with dark skin and hair, they were talking in hushed tones until another girl appeared from the toilets. _

_The girl's brown her fell down her back and she had the biggest grin on her face that it seemed almost childlike. Her eyes were brown matching her hair perfectly, she sat down next to other girl with brown hair and begun laughing loudly at something one her friends said. That's when I realised that this girl looked like Katherine, but no it couldn't be Katherine, she was dead. But she looked so much like her. I walked to the bar and passed the girl's table to listen to her voice, to see if it had the same sarcastic, cocky tone that Katherine's voice had possessed. _

"_Aw, come on Bonnie really." She giggled at her friend. _

_It wasn't Katherine, the girl's voice was too innocent, too sweet to be Katherine. Somehow though, this made the girl very appealing. This girl wasn't Katherine she was an entirely different person. It made me want to know her so much more, it was strange for me to feel like this towards a girl. _

"_Check the hottie out at the bar." One the girls whispered. _

"_You can only see the back of head?" The sweet girl said. _

_Tuning out at their petty girl talk, despite how fond I was of the 'hottie' compliment. __I ordered myself a drink and within a matter of moments, the sweet innocent girl came and ordered a few drinks for her and her friends. It was completely obvious that they were underage but the blonde boy, who looked the same age as her, handed her the drinks with a cocky grin. She winked and walked off with the drinks, but not before I grabbed her arm, stopping her from moving anywhere. _

"_How about you stay and have a drink with me?" I said with a smirk._

_She raised her eyebrows and smiled at me. _

"_I don't drink with strangers and I should be getting back to my friends." _

"_Hi, I'm Damon Salvatore. I live at the Salvatore Boarding House, I travel a lot and I live with my uncle Zack and girls love me. See, now we are no longer strangers." I winked at her. _

_The girl laughed but walked away with the drinks in her hand. I shrugged she would come back, scratch that, I could hear coming back to me. I smiled, girls really couldn't resist my charm. She tapped me on the shoulder and sat down next to me. _

"_I'm Elena Gilbert and to find out the rest about you need to earn it." She playfully winked at me. _

It was nearly a year ago since I had walked into the Grill and seen her. Why had I messed up the thing that was so perfect in my life? I had been scared to fall in love with a human girl because honestly, I didn't hurt her. I didn't want to make her like me, the monster, she didn't deserve that. Elena Gilbert deserved better than me, I could never be the man she wanted to be. I doubted I ever could. I looked down at my ring and thought about taking it off so the sun could burn me till I was ashes on the ground. I shook my head, no that would be the easy choice to run away from my mistakes and never face them. I deserved to punish myself. I deserved to see her with him after I had been so stupid. I threw my glass into the fire and in hope that it would erase all my mistakes I had made with Elena. The burning flames stretched higher, overlapping one another, all fighting to be the best.

"Damon?"

Elena.

I hadn't even realised she was stood behind me, I turned around to face her putting on my best fake smile I could. I hated pretending that I didn't love her, that I had never cared. that I had only just met her. Elena's hair was messy and she was wearing the clothes from the night before. My ears had not deceived me last night, it was obvious that my saint baby brother had had his way with her, just thought of her in his arms made my fists clench. She used to be my arms, I winced at the memory would this pain ever heal?

"Damon?" She repeated.

"What Elena?" My tone was harsher than I had intended it to be, I just wasn't in the mood for pathetic small talk. I couldn't pretend that I was okay. I couldn't pretend that I didn't love her.

Elena jumped slightly at the harshness in my voice, she hesitated before she spoke. She run her fingers through her hair and her fragile hand got caught in the tangled mess.

"What's -"

"I don't need you're pity, Elena. It's not like you even care, you barely speak to me Elena. You only speak to me when you have to." I hissed at her and as soon as I said it I immediately regretted it.

Elena stared at me, her eyes a mixture of hurt and anger. She shook her head before walking up towards me and slapping me across the face hard. Elena turned away from me and I could hear the tears running down her cheeks. I rubbed my face gently to try and get rid of the sting, I put my hand on her shoulder. Elena slowly turned to face me, her eyes wet and her face slightly red.

"I don't talk to you because I have to, Damon. I never talk to you because every time I try too, you distance yourself from me and I don't want that. I do care about you, Damon. I always have."

I just looked at her and I hated myself for being such a fool this last year. No one would let her go, if they had her but me, I had to be the village idiot and let her go. But she said she always had, did she know? Did Elena remember about us? I shook the idea out of my head, I had compelled her therefore the only way she would remember is if I told to her too. Very slowly, I raised my hand gently to her face and caressed it and to my amazement she didn't pull away from me and her large brown eyes were fixed on me.

"I'm sorry." I whispered.

When she didn't pull away, I couldn't help but think that maybe me and her should be together now. We would be close to celebrating our first year anniversary next week but I was watching as her and Stefan celebrate their first five months together.

I pulled away when I heard my brother walking down the stairs and she looked at me in confusion when I did. As soon as Stefan was by her side with his arm wrapped around her delicate waist, her confusion was gone and a smile replaced it. Stefan nodded towards me as form of good morning before him and the love of my life walked out of the door together.

I couldn't but wonder if me leaving Elena had been for the best, maybe it was. Maybe eventually time would heal the pain that I had been suffering for so long now. Was the end for us right in the long run? Or should she be with my baby brother? But the questions never had answers, not matter how many times I asked them to myself.

The only thing I was sure of was how much I loved Elena and how much I missed her. I guess for now that had to be enough.

_**And time and time I've wrestled my thoughts,**_

_**Not certain if the end was right or wrong,**_

_**And whether we still should be together or with somebody else.**_

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><p><strong>Okay, like I said not the best but it's just a starter thing :P ...Any suggestions for stories PM me or tweet me flyingfireworks ... Please Review and thanks for reading love MidnightGirl467 xXx<strong>


	3. Without You I Give Up

**Second Chapter for you, guys! I was wondering if you wanted me to put the soundtrack to this fanfiction on youtube, let me know if you do. :)**

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><p><em><strong>This Romeo is bleeding,<strong>_

_**But you can't see his blood, **_

_**It's nothing but some feelings, **_

_**That this old dog kicked up…**_

After Elena and Stefan went to school, I went back upstairs and laid in my bed and remembered when she used to lay here with me. Smiling, to myself I turned onto my side and stared at the cabinet next to me, laying on top of the mahogany wood sat the necklace that I had gave her before.

The necklace was just a bittersweet memorabilia of what me and Elena had once shared, before I had screwed it up. The necklace had once been my Mother's. She had left it to me before she died, much to my father's distaste. The sliver chain was tangled and sparkling still as beautiful as when my mother had first received it. The pendant was blue with a white encrusted rose in the centre and around its edge lay a river of sliver and on the opposite ends it had two little diamonds that always sparkled in the sunlight.

The beauty of the necklace reminded me of Elena and that had been why I had first given it to her and storing it with vervain so she wouldn't be hurt or compelled by any other Vampires. She had loved it when I had given her the necklace, it was the first night she told me she loved me but that wasn't the memory that I first remembered when I see the necklace. The haunting memory that I always saw was the one where I took it off Elena and made her forget everything that had ever happened between us.

I would never forget that, it was my biggest regret.

_I circled the my pathetic little hometown of Mystic Falls, the darkness of the night keeping me within it's shadows. I watched her, as she stood with her hood of her jacket over head and her arms folded as she waited. She peered up and down the street looking for any sign of my car, for any sign of me._

"_I'm sorry for this, Elena but I have to do it." I whispered, trying to convince myself that I could do this._

_Elena pulled her cell phone from her pocket and her eyes scanned the screen before pushing it back into her pocket with a sigh. Her foot started to tap the concrete impatiently as she waited for me._

"_Sorry, I'm late." I smirked trying my best to keep my normal charade up as I emerged from the darkness. _

_Elena smiled faintly when she saw me at first but then her face grew angry before I could say anything she stepped towards me and slapped me across the face, hard. I gritted my teeth, not wanting to get angry with her, not now. I grabbed her wrist and she just stared at me, her hood had fell down and her was gently blowing in the small wind. I let go of her wrist and pulled her towards me. _

"_Sorry, I'm late." I whispered before I kissed her lips. _

_I kissed her with urgency and desire and it was like nothing either of us had experienced before, it was love. A true love's kiss like she had once described it as after she had kissed me once before. I kissed her for awhile, not wanting to let her go, not wanting to give this up just yet because secretly I knew that it would be our last kiss. Eventually, we parted and Elena smiled breathlessly at me. _

"_What was that for?" she asked, her eyes showing how perfectly innocent she was and that I would be eternally damned for screwing up such a perfect creature._

"_No reason." I smirked again at her and did my famous eye thing that she loved. _

"_So are we gonna go?" she asked, grabbing my hand and slightly tugging me towards the Grill. _

"_No, Elena. _We're _not gonna go anywhere." I whispered and I emphasised the we're, hoping she would understand what was coming. _

_She shook her head and bit her lip knowing what I was going to say before I even said it. Elena run her hands through her hair before placing her hands in the pockets of her jacket, her eyes were teary. I run my fingers gently over her face memorising everything, every feature, every bone structure, even every pimple. _

"_I need my necklace back, Elena." I kept my voice strong. I couldn't allow my voice to break, I couldn't allow myself to break in front of her, it would only make things worse in the long run. I had to pretend that I didn't care, that I didn't want her, that I didn't… love her. _

_Elena nodded and the tears fell from her eyes and all I wanted to do was pull her close and wrap her up in my arms but I couldn't. I had to do this. She tore the necklace from around her neck and threw it at me, my hands caught it quickly before it hit my face. _

"_So,, you're done with me now? You've dated me, slept with me, lied to me and now you're just going to walk away? You owe me a reason why, Damon! I love you, you can't just walk away…please Damon, don't leave me." _

_Her voice was pleading and desperate, she was practically begging me to stay and she had no idea how much I wanted to stay. My fists clenched around the necklace in my hand, why did fate have to be so cruel? Why make me a monster so I can't be with a girl who is perfect for me? Fate was cruel, inhuman and monstrous. I stepped towards Elena kissed her lips softly before I pulled away within a matter of seconds, I cradled her face in my hands._

"_Elena, I love you okay? That's why I have to do this! That's why I have to leave you, I'm not good, Elena. I've never been the hero and I never will be. I don't deserve you and that's why you need to forget everything about me, okay?"_

_I stared at her face for one last time before I compelled her. _

"_You never knew me, you're gonna forget about me and everything that we had. You won't remember the love you had for me. These last few months you dated Matt, he's your best friend and you love him. You like dating him, he's fun and cool. You dated him because you both felt like you owed it to yourselves to try. You're waiting for him now, he's gonna pick you and take you somewhere nice and romantic…You're happy, Elena." _

_As I broke her out of the compulsion, I kissed her forehead before running away into the forest using my vampire speed. In fury, I punched a tree and made a dent within the wooden bark but I didn't care. I'd lost her and wouldn't have been fair to keep her. Headlights shined into the forest and Matt's car pulled up and within a matter of minutes it was driving away. I listened to the conversation and all I heard was her laugh and it was enough for my heart to break. _

_I looked down at the necklace in my hand, the chain flowed around my fingers and the pendant was in the palm of my hands. It was the only thing that I had left of her, I didn't have her heart anymore, her heart belonged to Matt and it would stay that way but the ache in my chest just grew stronger. _

The ache in my chest was still inside me, the only difference was that now I could numb it out for awhile. I could switch it off, even if sometimes it was only for a few minutes. I hated living like this, I hated pretending that the day I met her was the day she walked through the door looking for Stefan. I hated pretending that Elena was my brother's girlfriend when really she was mine. She had always been mine.

I sat up on my bed and stared at my surroundings. This wasn't me, I didn't pine alone in my bedroom in my sorrows. I wasn't Stefan, I was Damon Salvatore the fun brother, the brother who had all the girls…but none of them would ever be her. That day I erased her memory ruined my life, I have never been the same man since. When I did turn into the monster that I used to be, I had tried to prove to myself that I didn't need her, that I shouldn't have to change . I gave up with that fight now, Elena Gilbert had changed me without even knowing it. I had become the man she wanted me to be and now she couldn't even remember me.

_**It's been raining since you left me**_

_**Now I'm drowning in the flood **_

_**You see I've always been a fighter **_

_**But without you I give up **_

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><p><strong> Hope you njoyed it please review, any suggestions for stories PM me or tweet me flyingfireworks ...thanks for reading Love MidnightGirl467 xXx<strong>


	4. Still Wear The Scars

**Right, here's chapter 3. Sorry, it took so long to post. First, I couldn't find song lyrics that fit and those these don't fit very well, if you listen to the entire song it does. Secondly, I haven't had time to post it and thirdly, I've been a little down lately with some stuff so...But everything is getting good again! Enough rambling now so enjoy.**

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><p><em><strong>I'm looking hard in the mirror but I don't fit my skin<strong>_

_**It's too much to take, it's too hard to break me**_

_**From the cell I'm in**_

_**From this moment on **_

_**it's time to get a real**_

Stefan knocked on my bedroom door and without waiting for an answer he opened it. His body was tense as he walked in and I couldn't help but smirk at the sight. I found it hilarious how Stefan was always so scared to be around me, especially after the horrific past that he had once lived. Stefan pulled up a chair and sat by the side of my bed. I marked the page of the book I had been reading before and I rose my eyes to look at him directly in the eye.

When I looked at him, I couldn't help but feel the jealousy that twisted in my stomach. Why did he get her after everything he had done? After all the people he killed? I know I had killed people too, it just didn't seem fair. Elena didn't know about Stefan's past, his 'Ripper' days though, maybe his lies got him Elena. Stefan though unlike me actually tried to right the wrong of the past so maybe he did deserve Elena's love. Even if he deserved her love, it didn't matter, I just knew that me and Elena were meant to be. We perfectly imperfect together, that's what love was meant to be.

"Do you mind taking me and Elena out of town tonight? I want you to come too." Stefan kept his voice low and quiet, as thought he didn't really want me to go with them.

"I want you to spend time with Elena, Damon and her friends. So, you're going to come tonight as much as you don't want to." He carried on and his voice become stronger and more confident with every word.

I smirked, did Stefan really think that I wanted to hang around with his little friends and pretend to be the pathetic bad guy that they all thought that I was? I didn't want to make small talk with people who made it clear that they hated me and I definitely didn't want to see him and Elena making gooey eyes at each other all night.

"Nope, I'm not going." I said acting like a spoilt teenager but I really didn't care. I was tired of Stefan making me feel like a stupid little school boy. He was acting like father and treating me like I was someone who was never good enough and he didn't even know he was doing it.

"You are, Damon."

Before I could even answer the door slammed shut downstairs and the frantic heartbeat of Elena was all I could hear. I listened carefully, she didn't seem distressed or hurt, she just seemed slightly excited or nervous. I heard her throw her school bag on the floor and run up the stairs, I smiled and remembered when she used to run like that to see me.

"Stefan?" I heard her shout up the stairs .

"Pierre's tonight. Be ready by 8." Stefan whispered before he was out of the door.

As soon as Stefan said the word Pierre's, the memory came back to me instantly.

_I helped Elena out of the car, he red dress slowly drifting up towards her thigh as she did so. Her dark brown hair was curled into little ringlets and she had a black cardigan placed over the top of her shoulders keeping her body warm and preventing goose bumps from creeping up on her skin. She wore matching black heels that made her legs look even longer than they already were. After seeing Elena like this, I knew tonight would be the night where we would have sex. I had waited for weeks now and my self control was slowly slipping as I drunk in her beauty. _

"_Wow, Damon this place is beautiful." She whispered as she stood up and fiddled with the bottom hem of her dress. _

_I smiled as she took in the sight of Pierre's a little old French restaurant on the outskirts of Mystic Falls. The outside tables were candlelit and there were black carefully placed tablecloths that covered the wooden frames of the tables. The chairs had black satin bows around them, that held a hint of gold within them. The tables overlooked the river and mountain bank. The moon shone down on the river and the sound of the river could be faintly heard over the sound of the birds in the trees. Yes, Elena was right. It was beautiful but with Elena here in comparison, she took all the beauty and spotlight and claimed it for herself. _

"_Come on, we're not going to quench you're appetite by admiring the view." _

_Within a matter seconds our waiter seated us at our table that I had earlier requested. It was perfect, you had the perfect view of the river and the mountain bank. The moonlight hit the table and the perfect angle so it lit up Elena's face as she looked at the maroon cased menu in her hands. The moonlight also hit my mother's necklace around her neck and the sight was breathtaking. I was so glad that I had reserved this table. _

_We ordered our food and the waiter went away with the Menus, only to come back with the drinks menu. Elena glanced nervously at me, she didn't like drinking in front of me and I knew why though she would never tell me. She hated that when she was drunk, she would tell me that she loved me and I never said it back. It wasn't because I didn't love her because I did, I loved her more than anything in that planet. I never said it back because I couldn't. It would only persuade her that I could the better man for her and I couldn't. The 'better man' was something that I lost a long time and I didn't think he'd ever come back, not even for her._

"_Order a drink, Elena." I smirked at her and she only laughed at me but she ordered the drink all the same and ordered one for me too. _

"Damon?"

I snapped back into the reality of my pathetic life and I seen Elena in front of me. She stood there looking at me, her brown bambi eyes wide with concern. I smiled at the thought of her being concerned before I answered.

"Yes, Elena?" I asked, the smile never leaving my face.

I listened for any sound of Stefan in the household but there was no life, no other sound besides Elena's heartbeat thumping loudly in her chest. There was no other sound that could compete with such pure sound, I could never hear it enough. The sound of Elena's heartbeat was highly addictive.

"I want to ask you a favour." She had the pleading look on her face that I could never refuse and my body without any intention to do so, it moved closer to her. Elena stared up at me and I could hear her heart beat slightly faster and made me smile even more. It was surreal to believe that even know I had this affect on her. Sometimes, I would imagine it just so I could live through each day.

"Anything." I whispered and my fingers at their own accord reached out to touch her cheek.

"Damon..don't." She whispered but her breathing was still incoherent and loud her chest.

I stepped back from her, I couldn't do this. I had let her go and I had to live with that choice but I didn't want to live with it. I just wanted her back in my arms, telling me she loved me just like before, just like it was supposed to be.

"Sorry." I whispered, not directly looking at her because I didn't really mean the apology I was saying to her.

"Look, Damon I came here because I want us to start fresh. I'm tired of you being distant from me and Stefan knows that you are too, I just don't know why. Tonight, I want to ask if we could just leave everything behinds us and pretend like we've never met. Tonight's a new night. Okay?" Her eyes flickered across my face seeing if there was any hint of anger or even if there was any emotion on my face.

I nodded, still not looking at her because all I could think about was how she wanted us to pretend we had never met. It was something that I had been good, pretending that I didn't love her and that we didn't have a past. So, I guess for one night I could start fresh with her.

"Damon, what is it?"

"Nothing." I said defensively and she knew I was lying but she didn't call me up on it.

Elena walked towards me slowly and her brows furrowed in confusion to her body's movements as if she was under some kind of spell similar to what my body experienced whenever I was near her. How could she deny this connection that was right it front of her? She touched my arm and it sent shivers all through my body. She had to leave.

"You don't have to hide from me, Damon. " Elena squeezed my arm lately before muttering 'See you later' and walking out of the door.

"_You don't have to hide from me, Damon. I love you. Don't run from me." She whispered against my lips. _

_It was all I needed her acceptance and her love to know that this thing between us was right. All the doubt, all the pain, all the worry didn't matter anymore. All that mattered was Elena, the woman standing in front of me begging me to love her, begging for me to touch her in a way she had never been touched before. _

_I brought her lips back to mine and the hunger and desire took over me. I held back so many things when I was with her, careful not to hurt her or damage her in anyway. Despite my efforts I knew the damage was done, Elena would never be the same again if I left. She loved me and there would be no going back._

"_Damon, make love to me." She whispered, her eyes begging for me. Elena bit her lip anxious to see what my answer would be but when I nodded and my lips moved back to her neck, she smiled. _

Hours later, I was driving in my car taking Stefan's little friends to Pierre's. Bonnie and Matt were sat in the back, the scowl never leaving their faces. They both hadn't wanted to be drove by me to the restaurant and they certainly didn't want to spend the evening with me. They remained silent in the back and stared out of the window, Bonnie wrapped herself up in her arms in hopes that would give her some sort of protection and Matt's fists were clenched tightly like he was ready to fight me if he had to.

However, Caroline remained the same bubbly self in the passenger seat. Her ring allowing her to walk in the sun glistened in the moonlight and lit up her face, making her beautiful under the moonlight. Though Caroline looked beautiful she could never compare to the way Elena looked under the moon. Elena was angel in the moonlight, a goddess, a rare beauty.

"Damon, we're here you can stop the car." Bonnie growled from the back of the car.

I screeched the car to halt and parked in the nearest parking space. Stefan followed suit in the car behind me that held Elena, Tyler and Jeremy. As soon as I parked Bonnie and Matt undid their seatbelts and were out of the car within a heartbeat. Caroline smiled and thanked me for the ride before getting out of the car. Unwillingly, I followed her.

Elena got out of the car a smile stretched across her beautiful face as she breathed in her surroundings. Stefan wrapped his arm around her waist, the smile echoing on his face as he peered down at her. Matt grimaced at the sight as did Tyler and Jeremy. Bonnie had a grin on her face that resembled a proud mother look. Caroline however was looking at me, a sympathetic smile on her face.

"I haven't been here so in long! It was so beautiful last time…" Elena said, her face like a child's on Christmas Day.

My heart wrenched in my chest and made me want to scream out in pain. She didn't remember this time with me, she thought it was Matt who had made love to her that night. Those were the memories I had compelled her to have but just for a moment her eyes flickered to me and if I hadn't been a Vampire, I wouldn't have noticed. There was recognition in her eyes but her eyes quickly turned to Matt.

"Remember Matt?"

Matt didn't answer, he just nodded. Stefan noticed Matt's pining for Elena and immediately ushered everyone inside all has smiles planted on their faces. Caroline again though surprised me with her actions. She stayed behind and willed me with her eyes to stay too. It was obvious that she wanted to talk to me about something and intrigued to what it could be, I stayed.

"What is it, Barbie?" I asked, leaning against my car and folding my arms.

"Damon stop with I don't really care about anything look. I know you care, Damon." Caroline stared at me, her eyes wide with anger as she paced back and for in front of me.

"Oh yeah and what makes you think I care?"

"I know you care, Damon because I see the way you look at Elena. When she's without Stefan you just stare at her like she's everything in the world but when she's with Stefan, you have this look of jealousy and pure hatred on your face. You care for her, Damon. You've cared and loved Elena ever since you met her in that bar before her parents died. Yes, Damon I remember you and Elena dating. I know everything that happened. I've known ever since I was a turned into a vampire. Why haven't you even told her? She deserves to know. Do you even love her?"

It was all too much to think about, to process in matter of seconds, even if I was a Vampire. Caroline knew and now she was asking me if I loved Elena. The answer was an obvious yes and unlike in the past when I thought I couldn't say it, right now I knew I could. I could say I loved her because I was the better man now.

"Yes. I love her more than anything." I whispered confidently.

Caroline's eyes turned fierce and she walked up to me, her finger pointing right at me. She stopped right in front of me and placed her hands on her hips. Caroline stared at me for while before she said anything, then her eyes grew soft and she finally spoke.

"Then you have to make her remember."

_**Cause I still don't know how to act**_

_**Don't know what to say**_

_**Still wear the scars like it was yesterday**_

_**But you're long gone and moved on**_

_**Cause you're long gone**_

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><p><em><strong>What did you think? The song is The Script - Long Gone and Moved On. My twitter name is 'Flyingfireworks' if you wanna follow me. Thanks for reading!<strong>_


	5. Feeling The Same

**Here's chapter four ! Sorry it's been so long! The song is Ed Sheeran - Give Me Love. I'm so addicted to this song right now. **

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><p><em><strong>Give a little time to me or burn this out, <strong>_

_**We'll play hide and seek to turn this around, **_

_**All I want is the taste that your lips allow, **_

_**My, my, my, my oh give me love. **_

By the time me and Caroline had gone back inside to the restaurant and sat in our registered seats, everyone else had already ordered. Stefan had took the pleasure in ordering my food for me, he had ordered me the Lasagne with the salad. Elena had ordered the sea food for Caroline who muttered a 'thanks' to her before her gaze returned to me, her eyes sharp and piercing waiting for me to do something stupid.

"Where did you two get to?" Matt asked, his voice failing to hide the anger and jealousy behind his words.

"This woman walked past me and her scent was intoxicating. I really wanted to drink from her but Damon stopped me, he helped me." Caroline smiled and nodded at me.

I put a fake smile on my lips and nodded in agreement to her. I could feel the stares of bewilderment coming across from all around the room towards me. No one here believed that I was capable of good, capable of helping someone and actually showing kindness to another being whether they would be human or not. I glanced at Elena who was sat opposite me, she shared a sneaky glance my way and smiled, a genuine smile. Her eyes held mine and for a moment, I think she actually believed the story that Caroline had come up with. Elena's eyes held something that no one else did, they held knowing. She had always believed that I had been capable of good, kindness and actual feelings and she had faith in me. Elena believed in me and she was the only one that did.

"Well done, Damon." Stefan whispered, his lips in a tight line as he glanced at me quickly to show his approval.

"Thanks." I muttered quietly so only he could hear but I didn't look at him directly in the eye. Maybe it had something with the fact that soon I would be telling his girlfriend that I was actually the love of her life and that we had been together in every way possible before she had even met my brother.

The rest of the meal was done with hardly any talking or communication from me at all as I was constantly being watched by Caroline. She glared at me when I made sneaky glances at Elena when she was either smiling or laughing whilst she was talking to someone. It was impossible not to look at her when she was making them perfect sounds, it was beautiful. After the third time I looked over at Elena, Caroline kicked me under the table with a vampire's force and I didn't even try to glance at Elena for the rest of the night, scared of what Caroline would do to me otherwise.

Nobody made an effort to talk to me. Stefan talked to Matt about football, school and other boring human things which seemed to fascinate them both. Tyler tried many attempts to flirt and chat up Caroline but she was too busy watching me to notice him which infuriated him even more. Jeremy just gazed down at his empty plate and twirled his fork In his hands, the desire to leave wrote all over his face. Bonnie talked to Elena about all the new spells she had learnt and how much power she could now master before they went on to talk about boyfriends and how amazing Stefan was. I sighed, if only they knew how much my brother was like me, a monster.

Dessert was soon delivered to our table. Matt, Tyler, Jeremy and myself didn't order anything but Bonnie ordered a banana split with ice cream and sprinkles which didn't look appealing to me at all. Caroline ordered a chocolate fudge sundae and Stefan and Elena shared chocolate fudge cake with ice cream much to my annoyance. I looked around the restaurant to see if there was anyone who could be a distraction for me, someone I could take home and do whatever I wanted with until I was done. I needed a distraction.

I scanned the room and saw the table with the familiar table cloths and black ribbon around the chairs not so far from where we were currently seated and my heart plummeted in my chest. A distraction was pointless because no one could ever compare to her, I needed her not a distraction.

Caroline's plan re-entered my mind, I had to make Elena remember and after the realisation that nothing would stop the pain or take her place, I knew I just had to go through with this plan. I had to make Elena remember me and I wouldn't stop until she knew. I would see the plan through until the very end.

"I have to go, my shift at the Grill starts in an hour." Matt said.

"I'll come with you, I have to study for my math test tomorrow." Bonnie said already out of her seat.

"Me too." Tyler said, a sad look on his face as he stood up out of his chair next to Caroline.

Stefan threw Matt his car keys and insisted Matt take them rather than Matt walking all the way back to Mystic Falls and that Stefan and the rest of them who remained would catch a ride home with me. I plastered a fake smile on my face, pretending to be overly happy that I had to take Stefan and the love of my life back home just so they could be spend the rest of the night together. Jeremy jumped up quickly and followed Matt and the others out of Pierre's and I could almost see the relief in his face as he walked through the glass doors.

"Excuse me, I'll go pay the bill." Stefan whispered to Elena as he gently kissed her forehead before standing. The jealousy rushed through me and I gripped the table to try and stop me from hitting Stefan. I couldn't hit Stefan, it would just make Elena hate me. I couldn't risk her hating me.

When Stefan moved away from Elena, I could see she had a small piece of cake on her upper lip and it took everything I had not to kiss her lips to get it off. I bit my lip and I heard Caroline mutter something as she stood up and followed Stefan. All I cared about right now was how perfectly made Elena's lips were and how the chocolate cake made her look innocent and beautiful.

"Damon? Do I have something on my face or something?" She asked snapping me back into reality and I could see the red spread around her face, embarrassed by staring at her.

"Huh, yeah…you have a bit of cake on your lip."

Elena wiped her mouth with her serviette but still the cake remained on her lip much to her discomfort. She wiped her mouth again yet the cake stayed there on her lip, refusing to move. The cake stayed there taunting me, telling me to kiss it away, to kiss her. My body responded to the taunting and I had no control left over my body as I scooted over to Stefan's seat. Hesitantly, I lifted my hand to her mouth and slowly brushed away the cake with my finger. Elena's lips trembled at my touch and I could feel the electricity coursing through me as I touched her. I placed my thumb on Elena's bottom lip and stroked gently, unsure of what I was doing. Her breathing caught in her chest and her eyes burned with something I thought had died months ago, it burned with lust and love.

"It's gone." I whispered but my hand didn't move from her face. My hand crawled it's way around her face to her cheek and I gently tugged her face closer to me and to my surprise she didn't move away, she remained under my touch, under my love. I leaned into her slowly, completely aware of the consequences if I kissed her but it didn't matter, I just wanted to kiss her, to feel her lips on mine.

But before my lips reached hers, I heard Stefan and Caroline coming back from paying the bill and I immediately jumped back in my seat. Elena stared at me, her eyes angry and completely confused to why I had just left her there wanting more. I shook my head and placed a finger to my lips as she was about to speak and as soon as I did, she understood why I had stopped.

When Stefan and Caroline returned, Elena's eyes turned back to the ones that I had seen for so long now. The one where you could see the adoration and love she felt for Stefan, just by her eyes. Caroline glanced at me but I couldn't look at her, I just couldn't believe how close I had been to kissing Elena.

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><p>On the way home, I dropped Stefan and Elena off at Elena's house and I smiled at least I didn't have to put up with them two telling each other how much they loved each other tonight. When I dropped Caroline off she told me to meet her in the morning as early as possible so we could come up with a reasonable way to make Elena remember and everything else that was needed for the plan. I drove away from Caroline's house and noticed that Liz was stood in the window waiting for her daughter to come home. Liz nodded towards me as form of acknowledgement and I waved my hand in the air before driving away into the darkness of the night.<p>

The boarding house welcomed me home alone as it had done for the last seven months. I closed the door behind me and locked it, not really knowing why as I had never locked it before. I guessed it was a way of shutting out the rest of the world, it was a way for me to stay in this house tonight by myself with only thoughts to keep company. I picked a bottle of bourbon and a shot glass before walking up the wooden stairs to my bedroom.

I opened my bedroom door and seen the necklace glistening in the darkness of the room. I placed the bottle of bourbon and glass next to it, not really seeing the need to drink as it would probably only heighten my pain right now, heighten the loss, something that I couldn't afford to face tonight. I was already feeling vulnerable, I couldn't add to that.

Slowly, I opened the first drawer underneath where the necklace rested and saw the photo that I hadn't let myself to see for a while. The photo was torn, faded and covered in dust like it was years old but it was only a few months old. The photo was the only one of me and Elena, the only one where we looked blissfully happy and in love. I had my right arm around her waist in the photo and my left hand holding her hand. She was looking at me smiling and her eyes were lit with happiness and love. My eyes returned her gaze and was lit up with the same expression.

I run my hands over the photo wishing that I could go back in time and change my actions. If only I hadn't been so stupid and careless, she would still be here with me. I loved her then and I loved her now, if only I told her that. If I told her that my life would have turned out completely different to what it was now, she wouldn't be with Stefan, she would be with me. The picture had been taken so long ago and yet I still loved her, I still felt the same. Nothing could change my love for Elena and one day soon I would tell her exactly that, I would tell her everything.

_**Give me love like never before, **_

'_**cause lately I've been craving more. **_

_**And it's been a while but I still feel the same.**_


	6. I'll Do Whatever It Takes

**Here's chapter 5! I suffered serious writer's block with this chapter so it's not the best but I hope you enjoy it all the same. The song is Whatever It Takes ~ Lifehouse, brilliant song! **

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><p><em><strong>I'll do whatever it takes, <strong>_

_**To turn this around. **_

_**I know what's at stake, **_

_**I know that I've let you down. **_

I walked down the familiar old staircase like nothing had changed, like I was still the old person who watched his brother with the love of his life but everything had changed. Nothing would be the same after today. Today was the day that I would fight for Elena, fight for her love and affection that I had made her forget so long ago.

Stefan was nowhere to be found around the house and immediately I assumed that he had stayed the night at Elena's but I could have sworn I had heard him come home in the late hours of the morning. Stefan could possibly be hunting or he may have gone back to Elena's house to see her again. I rolled my eyes at the thought and made my way to the door, after all I couldn't be late for mine and Caroline's meeting.

I opened the door and to my surprise Elena was stood behind it. She had a purple scarf wrapped around her delicate neck and she hugged her brown leather jacket closer to her body. She did a double take when she saw me open the door and then she smiled as a form of early morning greeting.

"Hey, Damon. Is Stefan here?" She asked me politely, not making direct eye contact with me for some strange unknown reason.

"Nope, I think he's hunting with his woodland creatures." I replied, doing my infamous eye thing that she loved though she would never admit to it.

"Oh okay thanks. Can I come in and wait for him?"

Really? The only time Elena wanted to come into my home when Stefan hadn't been there was now, when I was going to see her friend about how to get Elena back in my arms? Nope, that wasn't twisted or annoying at all.

"Sure but you will be waiting by yourself. I have to go and meet someone."

"That's fine."

I walked out of the door wanting to say something else to her to say something that would make her trust me or at least make her feel something for me. She smiled at me and then walked into the house and I just stood outside watching her. It had just been so long since I had last been able to watch her without prying eyes and as I watched take off her jacket and scarf to put it on the coat hangers. Elena had to stretch her toes to place her jacket on the coat hanger so I used my vampire speed and flashed by the side of her.

"Here let me." I said taking her jacket and scarf and placing them neatly on the coat hangers that had been there for centuries.

"Thanks." She muttered gazing up at me from underneath her long eyelashes.

"Anytime."

We stayed there for a moment just staring at each other, just simply looking at each other. For a moment I thought nothing had changed, that we were still together wrapped up in our little bubble that didn't involve anyone but us. Elena glanced down at the floor quickly and everything shattered. She wasn't mine anymore, she belonged to Stefan but that could easily be justified.

"I better go." I told her and she nodded moving out of my way so I could leave the Salvatore Boarding House behind.

"Thank you for what you did for Caroline yesterday. You know stopping her from drinking that woman's blood, thank you for that." She whispered.

In my entire life many people had said to me 'thank you' but it never meant that much to me but when she told me thank you, even though it was for something that I hadn't done, I couldn't help but smile. When Elena told me thank you it meant more to me than anything or anyone in my life.

"It was no problem."

Elena nodded with a smile on her face and it was the second time in a matter of minutes where we just looked at each other. She blushed slightly and looked at the floor trying to avoid eye contact with me, hoping that I hadn't noticed the blush that she wore on her face.

"I should go." I told her trying not to laugh at her embarrassment, she was just so beautiful and cute.

"Yeah, bye."

"Bye."

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><p>I was sprawled across Caroline's bed and she was pacing in front of me thinking of ideas of how I could make Elena remember our past relationship. I thought I just had to get close enough and then compel her to remember but Caroline was totally against that. Caroline thought I should gain Elena's trust, become her friend and then tell her about the past relationship. Caroline thought that would be best because then Elena could chose whether or not she was ready to remember and that I would have to wait until she was ready for me to compel her.<p>

"I think that's better than do something against her will for the second time, Damon." She hissed at me when I told her I didn't want to have to wait that long for her to know.

The words tugged at me and I knew Caroline was right. I would have to wait, I had already betrayed her trust and compelled her to forget me, I couldn't do that again. I wouldn't do that again, Elena deserved more than that. Elena was worth the wait and maybe it wouldn't take that long for me to gain her trust.

"You're right. I can't do that to her again." I whispered to Caroline knowing that her vampire hearing could pick it up what I just said.

I jumped off the bed and made my way to her bedroom window. She had a different view of Mystic Falls to Elena. Caroline's view was of a crowded pedestrian street that never seemed lifeless, there was always someone walking around and living their lives. Elena's view was of the forest that surrounded Mystic Falls. In a way it symbolised their different personalities, Elena was always surrounded and sheltered by someone or something and Caroline always liked gossip and she knew everything about everyone.

"You really love her don't you?" Caroline whispered her head tilting to the side.

"Yeah, I really do."

I wanted to leave and just run away as fast as I could. I didn't want to get sentimental, especially with Caroline. Caroline may be helping me with Elena but we weren't friends and sometimes we didn't even like each other so why should I show her the human side to me when I had never shown it to anyone else other than Elena?

"Look Caroline thank you for your help but I think I should go now plus don't you have some High School studying to do or something?" I muttered under my breath as I made way to the door, hoping to leave as soon as possible.

"Yeah I guess. Come over here after I finish school tomorrow?"

"Sure."

I didn't even thank her for the help she was giving me and I knew I should because she was risking her friendship with Elena by helping me but I just couldn't bring myself to say the two the words. I would repay her for all the help she had given me but that wouldn't be today. I would tell her thank you when all this was over and Elena was back in my arms because that's when the plan would have worked, that would be when Caroline's help would actually be significant to me.

I drove home in utter silence. Mystic Falls looked empty tonight, no citizen wondered the streets, no children played on the sidewalk. There was nothing. When I passed the Mystic Grill came into sight, I saw Matt Donovan and Tyler Lockwood outside trying their best to stand straight and not to look they were drunk. I smirked, did teenagers really have nothing else to do these days but get smashed?

I pulled up outside the Boarding House and seen Elena's car parked in the driveway. Her car instantly reminded me of the moment we had shared earlier with no one around and I could feel the ache in my chest roar, my heart wanted more than just the odd moments with Elena. I wanted more than that, I wanted all of her.

I slammed my car door shut with a groan and didn't even bother to lock it. The night's air was cold and there was a slight wind that would pierce your skin and turn it red but you would only feel that if you were human, not a monster. I shrugged my leather jacket off not even bothering to wait till I was inside and folded it over my arm.

The Boarding House was empty downstairs and all I could hear from upstairs was a tiny little heartbeat that was beating at a considerable amount per second. I walked up the stairs hesitantly just in case my brother was with Elena but I couldn't hear him or his fake laboured breathing that was unnecessary to his living condition. I followed the sound of her heartbeat and I didn't find her in Stefan's room like I had expected to. No, instead I found her waiting in my room with tears streaming down her face.

"Elena? What happened? What's wrong?" I whispered softly to her.

I sat down on my knees in front of her, looking her directly in the eye trying to see what was wrong by the emotion that held in her eyes but unfortunately they were unreadable. Elena run her hands through her hair and she stopped crying yet she still looked extremely frail and hurt.

"What the hell is this Damon?" She whispered back at me and confusion swept over both of our faces.

Elena lifted her hand in front of my face and I peered down at her delicate fingers. First I saw the torn edges of a photograph and as Elena flattened the photograph and flicked the remains of dust off of the photograph making it more clear to the human eye. The picture came into sight before it actually processed into my brain, no this couldn't be happening.

"What is this Damon?" Elena asked again her eyes flickering from the photo to me.

I didn't know what to say or do as Elena held up the photograph of me and her together as a couple. This was not going to plan, what was I supposed to tell her? I couldn't lie to her, not again. I had to tell her the truth, I had to tell her everything.

"Elena, I'm not going to lie to you, okay? Everything I am about to tell you is the truth."

_**And if you give me a chance, **_

_**And give me a break, **_

_**I'll keep us together. **_

_**I know you deserve much better.**_


	7. Still Looking For Life

**Okay so where do I even start? First I want to apologize for the lack of update the reason for that would be: 1) I've had exams and all I've been doing is revising. 2) I've recently found out that I have suffer depression and anxiety issues so you can imagine it's been a hard last few weeks. Not to mention the last few days so please forgive me. I am trying my best, I really am. Sorry for any mistakes. I'm so tired. Enjoy the chapter. Song Lifehouse- Broken.**

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><p><em><strong>The broken locks were a warning, <strong>_

_**You got inside my head, **_

_**I tried my best to be guarded **_

_**But I'm an open book instead. **_

**Elena POV. **

"Elena, I'm not going to lie to you, okay? Everything I am about to tell you is the truth."

Damon glanced at me before slowly standing up on his feet again just like he had done when he came into the room just a few minutes ago. He paced in front of me looking down at the wooden floorboards, probably trying to come up with another lie that we could add to the infamous list. I didn't even know how many lies were actually on the list, how could I move on or even get through this when I didn't know anything about my past with Damon Salvatore?

Damon glanced at me briefly, his eyes searching my face for any sign of grief or acknowledgement to what he was talking about. I could feel the tears slowly come to a halt on my face and mentally thanked them for stopping. This conversation would never be able to happen if Damon thought he was causing so much pain, he would only tell me the bits that he thought I could hear without breaking. He would censor the story and I needed the truth.

"Elena, you have to know I never wanted you to find out like this." Damon whispered as he collapsed into a black leather arm chair that was quite a distance from me. His eyes drifted back to me and his delicate blue eyes looked broken and mirrored the confusion I felt inside of me. Damon intertwined his hands together and his thumb was rubbing soft circles on the backs of his hands as he tried to calm himself down.

"Find out what? Why is there a picture of us, Damon? Just answer the question." My voice came out as a beg and not the angered voice that I had envisioned for myself.

I wanted to scream at him, shout at him and hit him until he felt the pain that was burning through my chest and making my heart ache more than I thought it ever could. I just wanted to make him suffer but when I looked into his eyes it was obvious that he was suffering just as much as me. He looked like a defenceless animal that all you wanted to do was protect from any harm that would come his way. It was so surreal to think like that about a man who took my memories away but there was something inside of me that couldn't bring myself to hate him.

"That picture was taken about seven months back before you met Stefan, before your parents died. You kept nagging me saying you wanted a picture together instead of the ones we took at a photo booth once. So you got Caroline to take a picture of us together. The night it was taken, I was taken you to Pierre's. After our first date there you loved it and wanted me to take you back there. I'll never forget that smile on your face that you wore on that photo, never." He vowed never taking his eyes from mine throughout his entire speech. Damon's eyes were cautious when he spoke because it was clear that he expected me to scream, hit him and do all things that would have been a normal reaction from a person but I didn't move from the bed. I was truly frozen. I took a few deep breaths and nodded to him, a gesture for him to continue.

When Damon didn't continue reliving a memory, I took the time to slowly process the idea of me and Damon together. Truthfully, the idea didn't seem totally absurd to me because I was attracted to Damon and every time I looked at him I had always felt like there was something missing from my life but I would tell myself that it was just because of the death of my parents. Their death had left me scarred but the feeling of loss was stronger than that and it had been there even when my parents were alive. Everything that Damon had been saying sparked a sense of truth inside me and when I looked at him the feeling inside me stopped. When he looked at me it was like I could finally breathe again.

"Why can't I remember?" I asked him already knowing the answer, it was the only possible answer that didn't seem far-fetched or ridiculous. Damon must have compelled me to forget. There was no other solution.

Damon stood up off the chair and slowly made his way to me on the bed. He looked down at me and I could tell that everything about this situation was killing him inside. His eyes were glistening with remorse and his lips were curled tightly almost as if he couldn't bring to say himself the words to say it, to talk about us. He moved slowly towards me his entire body stiff waiting for me to start screaming at him. His hands were in front of his chest and he kept holding them in front of him unsure of what to do with them. Damon glanced briefly at me before his eyes returned to the edge of the bedspread.

My heart was hammered in my chest when Damon hesitantly sat down next to me. The mattress slowly strained under the added weight before relaxing back into it's usual place. Damon rested the palm of his hands on his on the tops of his legs and his fingers gently massaged the jean fabric underneath them. He glanced back up at me but I looked away from Damon's eyes not trusting myself to actually look into his blue eyes that never failed to pull me under his spell. My eye travelled down from his face to the floor where my own feet rested against his old Persian rug.

Nothing was processing in my head. None of it seemed real because I just wanted to scream at him and ask him why he had done this to me? But every time I opened my mouth to say something, nothing would come out. I was mad at him but even if I was mad at him as much as I was , it didn't matter. It didn't matter because everything inside me was telling me that he would never intentionally hurt me. Damon cared for me that much was clear even to me.

"Elena can you look at me please?" Damon practically begged me and I had no other choice to obey.

Damon waited until his eyes were locked with mine until he spoke a word. He waited until my heart was pounding from adrenaline, his closeness and anxiety to hear the truth about my undiscovered past. His hands moved from his jeans and slowly ran over the silk duvet, his fingers flattening any lumps or bumps that lay beneath them. His hands reached mine and never taking his eyes off me, he grasped my hands in his and pulled them to his face. Damon's eyes closed as his fingers trailed over my hand causing my breathing to hitch and falter. His eyes opened after a moment or so and his hand let go of mine but I kept it still in the bed so I could still be close to him without touching him.

"I compelled you to forget me." He whispered trying to remain eye contact with me and not to seem like he was a coward.

I nodded briefly to myself. I hadn't expected any other answer or any other possibility to my question. Taking my eyes away from his, I looked towards his bedroom door and sighed. Earlier when I stepped through his door I thought I would find just Damon's bedroom with no other secrets just a typical Damon room but instead I found a room of secrets and lies that somehow I had been drove into. Somehow I had been drove into a web of lies that I had never known about. Just a few hours ago, I thought my life had been complicated just because I had a vampire boyfriend and his last girlfriend looked exactly the same as me but now everything was different.

"Elena?" Damon asked pulling me from my thoughts. "Say something please."

I shook my head and choked out a chuckle at his words. What did he want me to say? Thank you for never telling me that we had once been a couple. Did he want me to ask him the questions that were rolling around in my head, just begging to be answered? Turning my head, I shrugged at him and closed my eyes silently willing myself to speak.

"What do you want me to say, Damon? I'm so confused about all this." I moved up off the bed and pulled myself away from just long enough so I could finally express my anger that I felt towards him. I didn't hate him but he had to know that this wasn't acceptable, that what he had done wasn't right.

"Nobody tells you how to cope with something like this, Damon. I was dealing fine with the whole vampire thing but having a past that I was compelled to forget and then compelled to remember a different one is crazy! It's crazy. It can't be real but at the same time in my heart, I actually believe that it's true."

I run my fingers through my hair and tried to remain calm but I could already feel the tears pushing through the barriers. I turned away from Damon, I couldn't let him see me cry again. I refused to show him that I was weak that he had made the right choice by not telling me about the secret compulsion that I had been under.

I heard the mattress creak and within a few seconds Damon was standing in front of me. His eyes searched my face for something that I didn't know or couldn't be observed from just looking at someone's face. I felt as though he was looking through me and into my soul as clichéd as it sounded. My breathing quickened and I could feel sparks flying around the room when he placed a hand to my cheek bringing me closer to his face, his eyes still never leaving me.

"Elena, you have to know that I-"

Before Damon could say another thing or even make another movement, the door slammed shut downstairs. I could hear Stefan's feet stamp lazily on the carpet, cleaning his shoes of any mud that had crept on his feet whilst he was hunting. Stefan's feet slowly made their way to the stairs and with each second he grew closer to finding me and Damon in Damon's bedroom.

Instantly I pulled away from Damon only to find that he was gone and that the picture was out of my hands and on the floor. The necklace landed with a thud of the bedside cabinet where I had found it only moments ago. Everything in the room was back in the usual place and nothing seemed different, nothing seemed out of place. Yet everything had changed and no matter how clean Damon's possessions was they all seemed tainted somehow. Everything was different and I had a feeling that it would never be the same again.

"Go." Damon whispered to me so only I could hear.

I move towards the door and didn't bother looking back at Damon. My footsteps seemed loud as they stepped over the old Persian rug and onto the old wooden floorboards. My converse thumped against the floor and my heartbeat was still beating loudly from what had just had happened between Damon and me. My head was still reeling and I realised that I still had so much to find out, so much to learn.

I turned around when I reached the doorway and looked back at Damon who was sat on the edge of the bed staring at me. I could hear Stefan shouting my name in the distance and asking me where I was but I just couldn't bring myself to move just yet. This conversation between Damon and me was not over. We had to continue this and I had to know everything there could be no more lies and he had to know that.

"Damon, this isn't over. I need to know everything." I stated.

"I know." Damon nodded agreeing with me. "Just try not to hate me, please. I don't want you to hate me, Elena."

I sighed to myself and closed my eyes before I re-opened them to look at him one last time before I left and spend the rest of the afternoon with Stefan. God, my life was so messed up.

"Tell me truth and I won't."

_**And I still see your reflection, **_

_**inside of my eyes. **_

_**That are looking for a purpose, **_

_**they're still looking for life.**_

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><p><strong>What did you think? Another chapter will be posted within two days. Follow me on Twiter for Updates my username is FlyingFireworks. So can you please just keep in mind what I mentioned earlier for the lack of updates. Please review and I hope you enjoyed it. Love MidnightGirl467 xxx<strong>


	8. You Keep Passing Me By

**Okay so again sorry for the lack of updates. I am trying but life is too hetic right now but this story will be finished just like the rest of them. My Twitter has changed to TaintedLights follow me there. Hope you enjoy, Chapter 7 of Just A Memory. **

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><p><em><strong>Like ships in the night, <strong>_

_**You keep on passing me by,**_

_**We're just wasting time, **_

_**Trying to prove who's right. **_

**Damon POV**

Elena left my bedroom to go and find Stefan in his room most probably and all I could do was watch her go. I couldn't ask her to stay and talk things over with me, I had to let her go and see her boyfriend because if she had stayed it would only cause more complications and more confusion, not only for her but everyone who cared about her, including me. Her words still echoed in my head "_Tell me the truth and I won't." _and they were on a constant reply in my head. After everything that I told her, she still didn't hated me. Elena only wanted one thing from me, the truth and I would give it to her. I would give her everything she wanted because I had to fix what I had done to her. She didn't deserved to be compelled, she deserved more than that and she deserved a love that would always be good for her. She deserved a love that only Stefan could give but I knew that she belonged with me, not Stefan. Elena was my true love and if it was selfish of me to want her then I would proudly call myself selfish.

Stefan laughed at something downstairs and my teeth gritted an instant reaction to whenever Stefan was around Elena, laughing and joking with her and doing things with her that I should have been doing. I should be the one downstairs with my arms wrapped around her delicate frame, laughing with her as she said or did something cute. I should be the one taking her on dates, holding her at night, kissing in her and making sure she was mine and mine only. Everything Stefan was doing with or for Elena, should've been me but I had let my stupid head get in the way of what my heart wanted and I had let her go.

For the next three hours I remained upstairs in my bedroom led on my bed with the necklace and photograph in my hands, the only things that were a physical representation of mine and Elena's relationship. The chain of the necklace flowed over my fingers and the pendant rested on the back of my hand and I rolled it over in my hands, the smell of Elena consumed me. The necklace still smelt of her even if it was very distinctive and hardly noticeable to the average human.

After three hours of being completely motionless and listening to the sounds of her laughter downstairs, she finally made her goodbyes to sweet Stefan. I could hear her every step, every touch and I could hear her heart miss a beat when my brother kissed her on her soft plump lips. I heard her giggle one more time before she took her jacket off the coat hanger by the door before the door slammed shut leaving me and Stefan longing for the girl who just walked out of the door.

How could one girl be so perfect? It was beyond me. Elena was a flawless human being. She was good-hearted, selfless, beautiful and she knew how to have a good time unlike some girls. My love for Elena was a natural pure love and not a unhealthy infatuation like it had been with Katherine. Elena was everything good in life; she brought out the best in people and she brought my humanity out when I thought it was locked away forever. Seeing her crying and looking so confused…so broken had my heart twisting in my chest. I didn't know how to fix what I had done, I couldn't change the past despite how much I wanted to. She wants to know about our relationship she had said so herself but I didn't want to overwhelm her with too much information and send her running back to Stefan. I was completely confused and I had no one to talk to, no one to seek advice from besides Caroline who would probably just through a fit at me for Elena having found out the way she did.

I could just picture her now led on her bed and writing in her diary, writing down things she wasn't brave enough to say to me, things that she could never tell anyone and writing down the information that I had told her hoping that it would all piece together. I sighed deeply. She could never piece it all together, our relationship had been too complicated, too passionate and too addictive to fit together. The only way she could ever understand would for her to actually remember just like I had planned but would she even trust me to do it now?

I had so many questions and so many memories rushing through my head, all mashing together into one and even I was unable to make sense of them but whatever confusion I was feeling; Elena was feeling so much more. All I could do was just hope that she would forgive me for my mistake and if we could be nothing else but friends I would take it. I rolled over onto the bed and faced the faded photograph, if I only knew she was okay. I had to see her, I had to.

Jumping up from the bed, I heard Stefan walking slowly up the staircase to his bedroom. I remained seating on the bed until I heard his bedroom door shut so I wouldn't have to answer his stupid questions about where I was going. Also I didn't want to see my brother because I didn't want to feel the guilt that would certainly arise when I would see his young boyish face. Stefan didn't deserve to get hurt but even if Elena chose him after all this; he would find out the truth and think that somehow I betrayed him.

Silence echoed around the house and I took that as my cue to leave. I practically ran down the old wooden staircase, barely holding onto the banister because all I could think about was Elena and how she was feeling. What if she was crying again because of me? Because of what I had done? The mere thought was unbearable but she had every right to feel the way she was feeling. I had no right taking her memories away from her without asking her permission first, it wasn't right or fair. Taking away Elena's memories had been selfish and a mistake, one that had held horrible consequences.

My leather jacket hung on the coat hanger and I grabbed it immediately, shrugging it over my shoulders before I raced off into the night towards Elena. The night air was cold and the wind was fierce, seeking revenge on an unknown criminal but somehow I felt as though it was after me. The further I ran the more the wind followed, chasing me. Forcing me to run faster towards Elena, it seemed as though everything in Mystic Falls knew what I had done and was judging me because of it. The guilt I was feeling towards Elena was turning into full blown paranoia.

Finally after all the running I reached my destination: The Gilbert Home. I circled the house seeing if anyone was awake. There was a light on in the kitchen and I could see Jeremy making himself a glass of water before switching off the light and returning back to his room, probably to listen to his rock music through his headphones. I circled the house once more and found an upstairs light switched on; Elena's bedroom. She was stood there looking through her window at the endless sea of trees that lay before her. Elena wore her blue pyjama shorts and the matching t-shirt, pyjama's that never failed to access her curves. I groaned, did she really have to be wearing them right now? Elena run her hands through her hair before sighing and returning back to her bed. She didn't look upset or confused, she didn't look like she was feeling anything which only made my guilty and worry turn into a frenzy.

I placed my feet firmly on the concrete path underneath me before jumping up to Elena's bedroom window. I gripped the window's ledge tightly in my left hand whilst I tapped the glass quietly with my other hand. If it had been any other night, I would have just invited myself into her bedroom but tonight I need her acceptance and I wanted her to do things that she wanted to. Elena needed her free will. Elena rolled her eyes before hopping back out of her bed and opening the window for me to enter. I lifted my legs over the ledge and stood behind Elena who childishly had her back to me.

"Elena we can't talk if I can't see your face." I told her trying to hold my sarcastic tone but it fell when she finally turned her body around and I saw the tears that were flowing down her cheeks.

"Elena…" I whispered not really knowing why.

I stepped towards her my hand outstretched wanting to erase the tears. Despite everything that I had done to her, I had never wanted Elena to get hurt because I thought by letting her go I was protecting her, giving her a life without vampires but yet she always managed to find one. Elena watched me hesitantly, her eyes finally showing emotion and anger. An expression I knew all too well on her angelic face. I moved one step closer to her but she only backed away from me. Elena shook her head before rolling her eyes at me once more and now I could practically feel the anger that was radiating from her. Her feelings were clear and written all over her face; Elena hated me and she didn't want to see me.

"Get out Damon. I need time to think please." She begged me but though I wanted to listen to her and leave so I could give her the free will I know she deserved but I just couldn't leave her when she looked so fragile and broken.

"Elena, don't. Let me talk to you and help you understand things please." Now I was the one begging but still the angered expression did not leave her, in fact she only grew more agitated and angry. I could see she was thinking over something in her mind, it was like seeing wheels turning as they tried to figure out something.

"Did you even love me or did you just use me for sex?" She hissed at me but that wasn't what scared me. What scared me was how much she resembled Katherine, she had never been Katherine no matter how angry she had been but right now they could be the same person.

Her words made a mark in my brain as I tried to think of how her train of thought had developed. How could she even think that I was using her for sex? I had never treated her like one of those other girls that I would sleep with and feed from. Elena was more to me than that and she always had been, even from the first moment that I met her. She knew that. Couldn't she tell from how I reacted earlier to her finding out? Everything about our relationship had been real. Everything.

"No! How could you even think that? For God sake, Elena I love you! Are you really that oblivious to how I act when I'm around you? Elena do you even know how much it hurts to see you with Stefan! Even when we were dating, I never used you for sex. I would never do that to you!" I snarled back at her. "If anyone pushed our relationship to keep going to the next freaking level it was you! Not me. You!"

"Yeah, well maybe you were to busy running away from us like a scared little boy!"

"Whatever, Elena." I shrugged before jumping out of the window and leaving Elena to argue with herself. I wouldn't be part of this. I wouldn't allow her to have a reason to hate me. She wasn't blaming me for this one, I would fix my mistake but if she wanted to walk out and leave me this time. I wouldn't help her.

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><p><em>Elena stood there watching me, her brown eyes moving as I paced around her small bedroom. The black heels she had worn tonight hung in her hands and her black mascara was all over her face due to the tears that she had previously cried. Her hair was messy and tangled because she had run her fingers through it so many times. The black cocktail dress she had worn for our dinner tonight was ripped at the seam because she had run away from me due to my arrogant behaviour. Everything was wrecked upon her but the only thing that reminded me that my Elena was still stood before me were her eyes, her beautiful brown innocent eyes that never strayed from mine. <em>

"_Damon what are we doing?" She asked her voice tired and weak. _

_Elena slumped onto the bed and tossed her heels into the corner of the room. She reached towards her feet and rubbed circles in them softly, no doubt those heels had done the damage to her feet. They were a death trap! Elena's eyes flickered from mine and then rejoined mine but her eyes didn't look young anymore, they looked old and worn out. _

"_What do you mean?" I raised my eyebrows at her, only a few moments ago we were close to ripping each others throats out and now we were back to being Damon and Elena, the couple in love. It didn't make sense. I had never experienced a relationship like mine and Elena's, we either wanted to love each other or kill each other. We had some serious issues that had to be talked through._

"_Us." Elena sighed before carrying on. "Damon, I'm coming up seventeen in a month yet I feel like I'm thirty when I'm around you. I love you so much and I can't bare to be without you yet I can't help but feel that this isn't right. All the fights isn't normal."_

_She was right. It wasn't fair to her but how could I change who I was without pushing her away? I would only hate us both if I changed who I was. I wouldn't change the man who I had become after all these years. I wasn't the nice guy, I had never been him. So how could I become him? Questions flowed through my head; What if there wasn't a way out for me and Elena? I couldn't be the better man, I couldn't it wasn't in me anymore. _

"_I need to sleep. Thanks for tonight, handsome." Elena hopped off the bed and made her way towards me, the make up still all over her face but it didn't seem to bother me. She kissed me on the lips before pulling away too soon for the both of us._

"_You're welcome. I should let you get some sleep." I used the excuse for her but really I was the one who wanted to leave. I had to get out of this bedroom, away from Elena and think about the future so I could fix the problem that existed between me and her. There had to be a solution, there had to be. _

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><p>As I walked back to the house, I remembered the aftermath of mine and Elena's last fight. That night I had gone home to search for a solution, any solution that would keep me and Elena together but I had found none. The only solution that I had found drove us apart and now here we were still fighting, still pushing each other to do something different but if there's anything I've learnt over the last year without her is you can't change the past. You can't go back in time and fix your mistakes, you move forward and learn from them and that's what I intend to do. Me and Elena would work this out because I'll be damned if this had the same ending as last time.<p>

_**And if it all goes crashing into the sea**_

_**If it's just you and me trying to find the light**_

_**Like ships in the night**_

_**You're passing me by**_

_**You're passing me by**_

_**Like ships in the night**_

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><p><strong>Song was Matt Kearny - Ships In The Night. Brilliant song and desribes the chapter perfectly! Don't forget TaintedLights on Twitter now, hope you enjoyed this! Please review. Next Chapter we see how Elena's coping after this and there's a Lockwood Party coming up! ;) Love MidnightGirl467 xXx<strong>


	9. Then Who The Hell Was I?

**Hi, so here's another new chapter of Just A Memory. I know this one is way shorter than usual but I just wanted to show you Elena's side of things a little bit more, show you how she's dealing etc. The song used in this chapter is Skinny Love- Birdy. Guess what? I'm going to be a big sister! Ikr? Scary right? My mother is pregnant, yep I'm so excited!**

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><p><em><strong>And now all your love is wasted, <strong>_

_**Then who the hell was I?**_

'_**Cause I'm breaking at the britches, **_

_**At the end of all your lines. **_

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><p><strong>Elena POV<strong>

The bell echoed around the school marking the end of the school year causing students to toss their books into their air and hug each other as they all embraced the Summer. Students chanted carelessly down the corridors, their arms wrapped around each other as they continued to 'whoop' like a new breed of animals. Couples kissed by their lockers for the final time and friends hugged each other tightly making promises to see each other throughout the Summer. I sighed to myself. Everyone seemed happy, seemed thrilled at the idea of school ending for the Summer except me. For the last few days school had become a distraction from everything that was going on in my life. I hadn't seen Damon since we argued that night in my room and whenever I went to the Salvatore Boarding House to see Stefan he was never there.

"Elena? Cheer up. It's Summer! And we all know what that means…." Caroline said clapping her hands together in excitement as she waited for Bonnie to finish off her sentence.

"Parties at the lake, dancing all night and getting totally smashed." Bonnie said wiggling her hips with a grin on her face.

I sighed again. Did neither of them see it? Did neither of my best friends see that I was different? Confused and hurt? They were both too in awe of what the summer could bring and I was just to good covering up my emotions. Maybe I was spending too much time around Vampires and becoming more and more like a monster everyday. I didn't know or maybe I was just too defeated, too broken to even have the capability of feeling anymore.

"Earth to Elena." Caroline waved her hand in front of my face, a sweet smile planted on her face, one she only ever saved when she was feeling sympathetic.

"What?"

"What's wrong? You seem…distant." Bonnie spoke from beside her, the worry loud and clear in her voice.

I glanced at Caroline who looked back and fore between me and Bonnie before pushing us both towards the door, a giggle emitting from her lips. Bonnie raised her eyebrows at her curiously but Caroline just shook her head and I knew immediately that she was hiding something. Usually if there was something wrong Caroline would be forcing us to tell our problems just so she could act like Oprah and sort out our problems which in all honesty she usually did. So why was she completely avoiding my problems now? Did she know about me and Damon? No she couldn't have then why was she completely avoiding making eye contact with me?

The three of us continued to walk in the much unwelcome silence by me and my thoughts drifted to the part of my brain that I had tried to ignore all morning because after all ignorance was bliss but I had been fighting it since the fight between me and him, and now I had lost all my strength and it had won. My brain had won and my mind was completely filled with Damon and everything that happened between us, everything that had changed. I still couldn't believe what he had told me but the evidence was there, the necklace, the photo and the ache inside kept reminding me that Damon was telling the truth, that our past had happened and I had no idea about it. No idea that maybe at one point in my life I had loved Damon more than anything in the world. How much had I loved him? Did I still love him? I cared for him a lot and there was something between us, a connection that sparked whenever we were together but did that mean that I loved him? Had I always loved him? I didn't know. I didn't know about anything in my life anymore. I could handle the idea that Vampires and witches existed but my actual past erased by a fake one was way too confusing for me to handle. How could anyone deal with that?

"Come on 'Lena!" Bonnie shouted from the door to Caroline's car and it took me a moment to realise that in my thoughts

Caroline flicked her sunglasses to the top of her head and her blue eyes inspected my brown ones carefully. She nodded to herself in defeat before flicking her sunglasses back down so they were covering her face, covering her eyes that would surely give away any emotion that she was feeling, any emotion that would give away what she knew. Caroline turned her head away from me then and turned up the radio so loud that the entire school could hear it. She gave a 'whoop' before waving her hands around in the air in excitement, completely disregarding her earlier thoughts.

Bonnie opened the car door and I ran over to her, my bag swinging behind me as I clutched my textbooks tighter to my chest so they wouldn't fall. Bonnie gave me a reassuring smile before I climbed into the backseat of the car and I wondered if somehow she knew too but how would they know? Damon wouldn't have told them and no one else knew, no one else remembered everyone had been compelled to forget. Everyone except Caroline. She had just been turned into a vampire and when you turn every moment that you had been compelled to forget you would remember. You would remember all of it. Caroline knew and she had been turned a few weeks ago by Katherine so she had known longer than me yet she hadn't told me? Hadn't told me any of it? She knew but she hadn't spoken a word to me about it. How could she do this to me?

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><p>Shopping had been a complete nightmare. We all had bought our dresses for the Lockwood Party tonight but none of us had said anything to each other the entire time other than 'that looks good', 'I'd go for the black' or 'Maybe get the strapless'. Bonnie remained completely clueless to why me and Caroline were suddenly ignoring each other at all costs. Caroline would keep glancing at me but would look away as soon as she knew I had caught her staring at me. She must have guessed that I knew she knew about mine and Damon's past relationship because every now and then I would make snappy comments that clearly informed her that I was furious with her. How could she lie to me like that? Keep things from me?<p>

I closed the door to the shower and wrapped a towel around my body. My entire body shivered missing the warm loving contact of the hot water from the shower head. On my way out I grabbed another white towel and twisted it so it was wrapped tightly around my head. I gazed at my reflection in the mirror and didn't recognise the girl who was stood before me. She looked miserable, confused and nowhere near the golden Elena Gilbert that everyone wanted to be. Sighing heavily to myself I left the bathroom and wished to be any other girl, a girl who's life didn't involve the supernatural. A normal girl's life, if only I was that lucky.

When I walked out of the bathroom and into my bedroom, my bed was covered in cosmetic and hair products along with a curling iron, all of them covering most of my bed spread but none of them belonged to me. I hugged the towel closer to my body and stepped closer to the bed, my eyes scanning the room for anybody who would have put these items onto my bed. Had Damon done it to try and make everything up to me? Was he now buying me gifts? Before I could get truly angry at my theory I saw the real culprit lurking in the corner.

"What are you doing here?" I sighed, feeling slightly awkward that I was naked underneath the towel.

Caroline emerged from the corner wearing the exact same clothes as earlier just minus the sunglasses. She smiled her guilty smile and rose her hands in the air a sign of defeat as she made her way closer to me. Caroline stopped walking towards me just as she passed the edge of the bed, her smile never leaving her face. She hopped onto the bed and folded her left leg over her right before clapping her hands together, resting them in her lap.

"I know I've been like the worst friend but I couldn't tell you, Elena. The way he looked at me, the way he spoke about what happened was heartbreaking. I'd never seen Damon like that before and he was going to tell you, he was but I told him to gain your trust to break it to you gently. He didn't want you to find out like this." Caroline's voice grew quieter with every word she told, her voice echoing the shame she felt deep down inside.

"Why didn't you tell me before? Why did you have to speak to him first? I'm your best friend Caroline." I told her sitting on my desk chair, crossing my legs tightly together.

"I'm sorry, Elena. I am but I had to speak to him first. I wanted to make sense of it before I just made assumptions. At first everything was fuzzy until the transition was complete then more and more came back." Caroline bit her lip and watched me process the latest information about my past but still none of it was truly piecing together, the jigsaw just kept growing bigger and bigger and I was running out of space to fit it onto a table.

Caroline went to speak again but I held my hand in the air, immediately cutting her off. I couldn't hear no more, I had to get back to the present and represent the Gilberts at the Lockwood's party tonight. If I heard any more of the truth I would breakdown, I couldn't handle all the confusion, all the pain right now. Tonight would be about me and tomorrow could be the day where I would try and piece more of it together but tonight was my night off. No more stories, no more pieces and definitely no more Damon.

"Sorry, Care. I just don't want to hear about it anymore." I told her, hugging my towel closer around me.

"It's okay, Elena." Caroline stood up off the bed and grabbed the spare chair before placing it in front of the mirror. She patted the seat and grinned at me. "Come on, let's get you ready for tonight."

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><p><em><strong>Who will love you? <strong>_

_**Who will fight? **_

_**Who will fall far behind? **_

_**Come on, skinny love. **_

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><p><strong>I know super short but I just felt like I had to write because I wanted to write Elena's feelings and I couldn't ignore that Caroline had known before Elena, the truth had to come out. So I know it was super short but can you forgive me if I promise DE and a Lockwood Party next chapter? I hope so. Please review. I'm back on Twitter the username is FlyingFireworks again, you can tweet me a review if you want or even talk to me. Quick question; how old do you think I am? Love MidnightGirl467 xox<strong>


	10. Cause it's You and Me

**Here's part one of the Lockwood Party. The reason I split this in two because by the time I started to finish this I was on four pages and I still had alot more to come so I decided to have all the romantic stuff between Damon and Elena and add the exciting, angst stuff in part two because believe me this is only the beginning. **

**Song ~ Lifehouse- You and Me. **

**The reason I put the lyrics throughout the chapter because Damon and Elena dance to it, also the lyrics seemed really fitting for different parts of the chapter. **

**Enjoy. **

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><p><strong>What day is it? <strong>

_**And in what month? **_

_**This clock never seemed so alive. **_

_**I can't keep up, and I can't back down. **_

_**I've been losing so much time. **_

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><p><strong>Damon POV<strong>

"Welcome, Damon." Mrs Lockwood spoke her words slowly, her eyes glancing up between her eyelashes. She held her hand out for me to take, a smirk plastered on her face making me wonder if she ever did forget the time I had once flirted with her back at the Grill when I had wanted to find out who had the vervain in town. I almost had to hide a grimace from my face older women wasn't my style.

"Mrs Lockwood." Smiling softly at the older woman in front of me I kissed her hand before letting go.

"Save me a dance?" She asked opening the door for me to enter her home.

"Of course." I told her just wanting to get inside and find Elena. I just had to see how she was coping because if she wasn't here there was no why I was staying any longer than necessary. I was here for her, nothing else. Only her.

As soon as the doors opened, I searched around the ballroom looking for my brother and Elena. Women walked around in their ball gowns, many of them huddled together gossiping about other girls who looked more beautiful than themselves. Men walked around with drinks in their hand occasionally dancing with their dates and other women. The entire scene felt old like nothing had changed since 1864, everything was the same. The people of Mystic Falls hadn't changed in over a century. The thought was actually quite depressing.

My eyes continued to search for her but there was no sign of her. I knew she was coming tonight, I had seen my brother getting ready to be her date, to be her lover. Cursing under my breathe I pushed through the couples who were making their way to the dance floor. Elena had to be here somewhere. She had to be. There was no sign of any of her friends here either. No Caroline. No Bonnie. No Tyler or Matt, not even Jeremy.

The need to find her was overwhelming, every part of me just wanted to know that she was okay and safe. She had to be protected. I had to find her because I wanted to know how she was dealing with everything, we hadn't spoken for over a week. The night we had the fight, I had gone back to her house and she just lay there sleeping, stains of where her had makeup had run with her tears down her face. She had looked peaceful in her sleep and it took everything I had not kiss her soft lips. Somehow the taste of her lips seemed like a bittersweet memory, a memory that was unfortunately fading fast. I had gone back nearly every night this week just wondering if she would mutter something about me in her sleep but she never did. I had left her alone this week hoping that she would able to make sense of things on her own, come to some sort of decision and revelation about it all. Caroline had told me to leave her alone until she came to me wanting to know. Everything had to be her decision.

"Caroline, I'm not sure I can do this. If he's here…"

"Elena, you can't hide away forever."

Elena. She was here somewhere. I followed the sound of her voice and soon picked up the familiar beautiful sound of her precious heartbeat. Her voice and Caroline's got louder and I turned my head to follow them. Her heartbeat was beating irregularly, she was nervous and scared about something. Was Stefan back on human blood? Had he hurt her? Was someone else here that I didn't know about? Different scenarios rolled around in my head as I made my towards her. Nothing mattered but her. Nothing.

"He loves you, Elena. He didn't want you to find out like this." Caroline told her.

"I know but doesn't stop the confusion. Every time someone smiles at me tonight, I just keep wondering if they know." Elena sighed softly but I could hear the strain and exhaustion echoing through her voice.

Elena's problem was me. I had been an idiot to think that it was somehow someone else who was making her so distressed, so hurt and alone. Cursing under my breath, I pushed past a couple who were in the middle of an intimate embrace. They both regarded me with a look of disgust before going back to trying to swallow each other's faces. Rolling my eyes at them, I concentrated back on her heartbeat and voice, I had to talk to her and help her. This was my fault and I had to fix it. Her heartbeat grew louder instantly telling me that she was close, very close.

"I just want to go." She whispered to Caroline.

I turned my head to towards the sound of her voice, my own heart racing in anticipation to finally see her. The last week had been agonizing without her; without her constant worry about me, the constant need for her to check that I was still being the better man. The man that I had thought I was incapable of being until I met her, until I saw her for the first time back at the Mystic Grill all that time ago. The love of my life, the girl that I let slip through my fingers and whom I pushed away thinking it would be better for the both of us.

"Damon." Her voice breathed from behind me.

"Elena?" I whispered turning around to finally see her face for the first time in a week.

The first thing that caught my eyes was hers; the way they lit up underneath the majestic chandeliers that hung in the ballroom, the way they seemed to relax when they met mine but how they also seemed to hold guilt and confusion all at once. Elena's bottom lip was caught between her teeth as she made a step towards me. As Elena moved my eyes drifted down to her dress that was blue and glittered just like her eyes had done under the chandeliers above. There was a matching blue ribbon around her waist that emphasised her curves underneath the dress. The dress was completely strapless but Elena hugged the clear wrap around her shoulders before coming to a halt in front of me. Her hair fell down her shoulders gracefully in loose curls and I had never seen anything more beautiful in my life. Right now, she was the only person in this entire building with me. Elena Gilbert looked like a fallen angel from heaven. A fallen angel that was stood in front of me.

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><p>'<em><strong>Cause It's You and Me,<strong>_

_**And all of the people with nothing to do. **_

_**Nothing to lose.**_

_**And it's you and me, **_

_**And all the other people, **_

_**And I don't know why **_

_**I can't keep my eyes off of you. **_

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><p>"You look…" I stumbled trying to find the right adjective for her appearance. "Perfect." Tasting the word on my lips before repeating it again. "Elena, you look perfect."<p>

Elena smiled at me before her gaze retreated to the polish wood beneath us, her cheeks blushing but it only added to her perfect appearance tonight. Slowly she lifted her head back up to face me and I could see her hands tighten around her wrap as if she was bracing herself to me. Her brown doe eyes locked with mine and just for a moment it was like we were dating again, in love with each other but then her gaze changed to something else entirely. She was looking at me as though she was seeing me, really seeing me for the first time.

"I should apologise…." She whispered her eyes never leaving mine. "I'm sorry about how I acted last week. I know you wouldn't have just used me for sex. I was just so confused, Damon and I still am." She shrugged before looking away from me and back to the floor.

"Elena, please don't apologise. Between the two of us I should be apologising. This entire thing is my fault."

A moment of a silent understanding passed between us when she looked back up from the floor for the second time that evening. We had both done wrong, we had both hurt each other and it was time to move on, time to deal with the past instead of running from it. Elena sighed to herself, pulling her gaze over to the corner of the room where Stefan was talking to Caroline who seemed to be talking to him more so than usual. Was she biding me and Elena time?

"Stefan went to get drinks and Caroline heard you coming so she went to distract Stefan for a bit to give us sometime for me to apologise." She told me, her eyes searching mine for some unknown truth.

I felt as though there were a million words to say, a million things to ask and a million things to do but I just couldn't bring myself to say them or do them. One thing I was sure of was that I didn't want her to go back to Stefan yet. I wanted more time with her, more time with her smiling and blushing at my comments just like she used to. One more night with the woman I loved was that too much to ask? One more hour, one more minute with her arms around me. One more moment with me making her laugh, making her smile. All I wanted was one more minute. One more chance.

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><p><em><strong>Why are the things that I want to say, <strong>_

_**Just not coming out right? **_

_**I'm tripping on words,**_

_**You got my head spinning. **_

_**I don't know where to go from here. **_

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><p>An ironic smile came across my lips as I listened to the song lyrics that played around us. The song was perfect for this moment between me and Elena. She smiled at me and I knew instantly that she was thinking the same thing as me neither of us knew what to say. She glanced at Stefan before glancing back at me and her heart grew fast in her chest. We were running out of time but how could I get her alone?<p>

"May I have this dance, Miss Gilbert?" I asked her holding out my hand.

Elena nodded without, much to my surprise, taking a glance towards Stefan. I raised my eyebrows silently asking for an explanation but she just shook her head, whispering the words 'not here'. I nodded in return. She was right we shouldn't talk about these problems in front of Stefan and the majority of Mystic Falls.

"Lets dance." She said with an exaggerated smile.

Elena grasped her hand in mine and my entire body became alive, became fully aware that it was her little hand clinging to mine sending electric waves through my entire body. For a moment I just stared at her wondering whether she felt it too and from the way she stared at me in wonder, her mouth slightly parted I knew that she felt this connection too. I smiled softly secretly proud that I wasn't making this connection up in my head.

I twirled Elena onto the dance floor and the skirt of her dress spun around her causing her to laugh and playfully slap my shoulder as I brought her back to me. My eyes stayed locked with hers as I moved my arm around her waist making sure that she was comfortable, that she was okay with this. Elena smiled at me and her heartbeat grew louder in her chest obviously having the same reaction as me.

"You look beautiful tonight, Elena." I whispered in her ear and she blushed, burying her face into the crook of my neck. An action so small yet so intimate that it made me smile knowing that she was still comfortable dancing with me.

"You realise you've already said that right?" She smirked.

"I believe I said you look perfect." I laughed with her before growing serious again with her. The more she knew how I felt the better. The more she knew the more she would understand. "No words can describe how you look tonight. You're flawless, perfect, beautiful, breathtaking. Elena, you're everything."

* * *

><p>'<em><strong>Cause its you and me,<strong>_

_**And all of the people with nothing to do, **_

_**Nothing to prove, **_

_**And its you and me. **_

_**And all other people,**_

_**And I don't know why, **_

_**I can't keep my eyes off you. **_

* * *

><p>"Ssh.." She whispered her eyes closing. "Don't."<p>

"Why not?"

"Because…because I don't know what I feel for you, Damon. I can't control myself right now, I can't. I don't know what to do." She whispered, her eyes begun to water and I knew what this could look like from an outsiders point of view, especially to Stefan.

"Ssh, okay. We won't do this now. We never have to do this if you don't want to, okay? This conversation doesn't need to happen."

Elena sighed softly to herself and placed her head back into the crook of my neck. Closing my eyes at her touch, I didn't care that everyone was watching us, that Stefan would see us in this intimate position. I just wanted to be close to her, I just wanted her back in my arms where she belonged. Elena squeezed my hand before letting out another sigh.

"Why do I always feel like I'm at home with you? Why does it all go away when I'm with you? Everything stops when I'm with you, Damon. You are all I can think about." She whispered into my neck and if I had an heart it would have stopped beating.

Everything stops when I'm around her? A smile spread across my face at her words. After all this time wondering and thinking she hated me she still cared about me. My influence still affected her like it always had when we were dating. The words flew around my head bouncing off the walls in excitement at what she had just expressed for me. When I'm around her she can only think about me? Everything sounded so surreal yet so right at the same time, I had never felt such a weird emotion in my life. Did this mean she still loved me? Did she want to remember the past? What the hell did it mean?

* * *

><p><em><strong>Something about you now, <strong>_

_**That I can't quite figure out. **_

_**Everything she does is beautiful,**_

_**Everything she does is right. **_

* * *

><p>"Elena what do you-"<p>

"Can I cut in?" Stefan asked practically forcing himself through me and Elena.

Elena moved her had swiftly from my neck and completely detangling herself from her body. She breathed in and out almost as if she were trying to calm herself down from some electric current that had just flowed through her body. Elena slowly flattened her hair before smiling sweetly at Stefan and taking his hand in hers. Stefan smiled at her before taking her over to the dance floor and placed his hands on her waist. Elena turned to give me a sympathetic smile but quickly turned back to Stefan when his hands roamed her back. A part of me wondered whether he was doing this on purpose to make me jealous and other part knew that he was just being with Elena, relishing in the fact that Elena belonged to him. She belonged to my little brother but that would never stop me from loving her. It would never stop me from caring about her and right nothing would tear my eyes from her.

* * *

><p><em><strong>'Cause it's you and me,<strong>_

_** And all of the people with nothing to do,**_

_**Nothing to lose.**_

_**And it's you and me and all of the people,**_

_**And I don't know why, **_

_**I can't keep my eyes off of you. **_

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><p><strong>So what did you think? I'm going to try and update as much as I can! I'm so sorry for the lack of updates its just this summer has been chaotic, writer's block and I guess all I really needed to was to relax and now that I have. Please review xo. Twitter is FlyingFireworks. SPOILER - There's more drama next to chapter! Thanks for reading MidnightGirl467 xo<strong>


	11. Standing In The Dark

**I'm so happy with the feedback for the last chapter. Thank you so much for sticking with me through this story but I can't stop writing it, I love it so much. So this chapter is a little long but what can I say? The plot thickens and the drama begins, haha. Song is Lawson - Standing In The Dark. Enjoy xo**

* * *

><p><em><strong>All I wanna do is hide but I can't stop myself from staring,<strong>_

_**wishing his hands were mine, I can't stop myself from caring. **_

_**And as he turns down the lights...**_

_**I'm feeling paralyzed as he looks into her eyes.**_

* * *

><p>Stefan and Elena had been dancing together for the last two hours. His arms was tight around her waist pulling her closer to him but his masculine hands didn't seem to fit into the right shape of her hips. Elena's head rested on his shoulder and every now and then his fingers would caress her back, stroking the soft silk material of her flowing gown. Every now and then he would whisper something in her ear causing her cheeks to blush crimson and her eyes to drift down to the polished marble floor. After each whisper from Stefan within two minutes of it her eyes would take a sneaky glance my way but there was no smile to match the gaze, only a saddened frown.<p>

Caroline sipped her drink loudly next to me but my attention remained fixed on Elena Gilbert, the woman I loved for what seemed like a million years now, the fallen angel who caused me to forget everything about Katherine and love me despite what I was. Somewhere along the way Elena had decided I was worth fighting for, our love was worth fighting for and I threw it all back in her face the night I compelled her to forget everything about me. She had been more than willing to spend the rest of her life with me depsite the fights, despite the constant need for me to better, she had been willing for it all to work. If only I hadn't been stupid to let her go then I wouldn't be here watching her in the hands of my brother as he whispered how beautiful she was in her ear.

"You're staring." Caroline whispered matter of factly whilst she placed her glass of champagne down onto one of the buffet tables that were spread in every corner of the room.

Reluctantly my eyes left Elena and went to the bubbly blue ones that belonged to Caroline, Elena's bestfriend and a girl that I had played with when I had come back to Mystic Falls the second time, when Elena had been making eyes at Stefan. I still didn't know why I used Caroline the way I did. Maybe it was because she was one of the closests thing I had to Elena and she was the way I could spend more time with Elena, and possibly try and prevent Stefan and Elena from happening. I shrugged absentmindedly to myself, I didn't know why I had done what I done but I had done it all and there was no way of turning it back.

"You know there's still something between the two of you." Caroline whispered taking a brave step towards me. "She cares about you, Damon. Ever since you met, well the second time, there was a connection between both of you and it hasn't disappeared. The connection between you two is obvious to everyone around the pair of you."

"What if this connection isn't enough?" I asked her, expressing my doubt for the first time to anyone but myself.

"Damon, you just need time. You need to be together and figure things out." Caroline's voice was sincere and utterly sympathetic, and I wasn't sure if I was thankful knowning she understood or felt worse about myself because of it. All of this had happened because of me, all of it was my fault.

"How do you suppose we figure things out Caroline when she's dating my brother? I can't take her anywhere to get away from this town without someone interrupting us."

Caroline gazed down at the marble floor and chewed her lip thinking of something but there was no sparkle of light in her eyes that indicated an idea, there was nothing. Nothing. Her eyes rose up from the floor to meet mine but she just shook her head and shrugged. Her hands went to her waist as she stepped onto the dancefloor walking over to where Matt stood with Bonnie and Tyler. Caroline glided over the floor, her head held high as she made her way over to her friends and I wondered what it must be like to be her. A girl who was a just a normal girl over a year ago with no supernatural in her life what so ever, nothing but the odd drama that came with the teenage years.

My eyes moved to the other side of the dance floor and went back to looking at the brown doe eyes of Elena, that no matter what had happened between us, they always felt like home. She giggled as Stefan twirled her around but the giggle was forced, it wasn't real. There was something completely detached about it that made me realise she was still lost in her own world about everything that had happened in the last week. It was obvious to me that she was hurting over it, losing herself in her thoughts about what had happened than rather on how she could fix it, on how I could help her. God, I just needed her to say the words and everything would fall back into place for her. She wouldn't keep searching her mind for memories that she would never find until I would look in her eyes and tell her to remember everything.

Sighing, my thoughts drifted away and my eyes focused fully on Elena, the way she was breathing, the perfect sound of her heartbeat and the way her chest would raise whenever she would get excited or nervous. Right now her breathing was excited, responding to every touch and caress from Stefan. Elena looked into his eyes and I could almost feel the love she had for him flowing through her viens, the undeniable bond they seemed to have right now as they danced together, hands wrapped around bodies pushing them closer together. Every single part of them were touching, their skin...well her skin was only protected from his touch by her beautiful blue gown. I smiled faintly at my thoughts, her dress was blue and somehow in my own twisted away I was glad it was blue because it felt as though I was protecting her from getting touched by brother.

"Ah, Damon just the man I was looking for. How about that last dance?" Carole Lockwood gazed up at me from underneath her lashes with a flirtatious glint in her eyes.

"It's not the end of the night yet, Carole." I told her, my eyes looking over her head towards the woman I wanted to dance with all the night, the only woman I wanted to have a last dance with.

Before Carole could answer another man came up to her wearing an extremely old nazy tuxedo that still wore the dust it had collected over the years he had kept it in his closet. His dark hair was brushed to the side as he bowed in front of her asking to dance with an old fashioned manner that made me think of my baby brother straight away. Carole blushed as she glanced around the room making sure no one important was watching her, probably so she wouldn't be caught seen blushing at someone as it would seem improper for the Mayor of Mystic Falls. After a few moments, Carole and her date made their way over to the dance floor. They were only a few couples away from Elena and Stefan who know seemed more distressed than loved up right now.

"They're arguing, Damon. Stop listening in because surprisngly it won't earn you in any points with Elena."

I could recognise the hatred for me anywhere in such a femine in voice; Bonnie Bennett. Doing my best to remain polite, I turned around to face her and plastered the best fake smile that I could onto my face. Taking a large deep breathe, I met her judgemental gaze and it occured to me that Bonnie was only alive purely because of her friendship to Elena and her stupid witchy powers that could prevent me from doing anthing to her. Bonnie's lips were pursed into a tight line as she eyed me carefully trying to figure out what my so called latest revenge scheme was. Some small part of me wished that she would give me a break but of course that was asking too much because of all the people in this town including my brother, Elena was the only one to actually understand me and give me the break she believed I deserved. And, sometimes I wasn't sure I even deserved that.

"May come as a shock to you, judgy but I don't care what my brother and Elena get up to. It's their problem not mine." I snarled back at her just wishing she would leave me alone so I could listen to why Stefan and Elena were so called arguing.

"Whatever, Damon. Just stay away from Elena, stay away from all of us." She told me taking an extremely brave step towards me. Her eyes staring straight back into mine as she did her best attempt to threaten me.

"I wouldn't threaten me, witch." I told her, my eyes boring into hers. "Besides if Elena wanted me gone don't you think I would have left by now?"

"Stefan, let go of me!"

Before Bonnie could even reply or even make another comment, my eyes had drifted from her and back to Elena into the corner of the dancefloor where Stefan stood holding her arm tightly whilst she tried to shake his grasp from her. Elena's heart was racing in her chest and beating so hard from all the adrenaline and the fear of Stefan hurting her and I couldn't sit by and let him touch her. The anger burned inside me with every step I took towards my brother. Elena glanced around the room helplessly looking for someone to help but no one could hear her and Caroline had slipped away somewhere. Elena was practically trying to squirm her arm free from Stefan but he just pressed harder. What the hell had happened? Her make up was running down her face and tears flowed with it down her cheeks making my heart melt for her but causing me to want to drive a stake through my brother's heart.

"Let go of her." I managed to say through gritted teeth but Stefan just looked at me, his eyes turning black with anger and rage. Had he gone back to human blood?

"What are you going to do about it, brother? Compell me, make me forget that I hurt her just like you did with her. Sleep with her, cause her to fall in love with you only to break her heart and compell it all away. Yes, she just told me everything. So brother do you still love her?" Stefan said making his lips pout in a way that made me want to smack them just so they could bleed.

I had no idea what do. So Stefan knew about me and Elena which means she could have only just told him but why would she tell him? Why would he hurt her? It had never been her fault. If there was anybody he should be hurting at this very moment in time, it should be me. There was so many questions running through my head that I just couldn't make sense of anything. There was one thing that I knew for sure and that were I was going to kill my brother for ever hurting her like this.

"Damon." Elena choked out whilst her tear eyes locked with mine. "Help me."

Elena whispering my name through the tears whilst she begged me for help was all it took for me to throw the punch at my brother. My fist landed with a loud thud against his jaw causing him to double back and do the one thing that I had intended the punch to do, he let Elena's arm free. My eyes gazed over at Elena and she gave me a weak smile before a sudden punch came my way. More punches and kicks came my way that I crumbled to the floor unable to move whilst my brother was no doubt shattering my bones in front of the entire town.

"Stefan! Stop! You're hurting him!" Elena shrieked from the corner, just wanting Stefan to stop. I could hear her feet scatter across the floor and as I opened my eyes, I saw her tugging on Stefan's arms pleading him with her eyes to stop but the kicks still came and so did the punches.

"Elena...go." I managed to choke out but as her forgiving eyes looked back at me, I knew she wouldn't be going anywhere.

Somehow, despite everything that was happening right now with all the punches and kicks that my brother was constantly throwing at me, I didn't care because right now she was looking at me like I meant everything in the world. Smiling, I closed my eyes just wanting the look she gave me to enter my mind. Elena hadn't looked at me with so much love, worry and care ever since I had left her and compelled her memories away. She had never looked at me as though she still cared...like she still loved me.

At some point during mine and Stefan's fight the music had stopped and now everyone who had been on the dancefloor was now picking up their skirts and running towards us with their mouths hung open in shock. The men followed their women like the dogs they were and exchanged nervous glances at each other unsure of whether or not to help, or whether they should stay there and watch the fight from afar. Elena's pleads were coming out as screams now whilst she tugged on Stefan's arm but he kept shaking her off. Stefan was putting all his strengths into the kicks and punches that thankfully when he threw Elena off himself she only moved a few spaces away from him.

"Damon!" Elena shrieked through her tears. "Please fight! Get up."

I opened my eyes and looked at Elena for the first time in what felt like hours, her hair was no longer in neat curls down her back and her mascara was running down her face causing her all her other make-up to get smudged on her face. Elena's wrap was no longer around her delicate shoulders protecting her fragile frame but on the floor next to her dress but she didn't care about her wrap right now. Elena glanced around the room, I suspected she was looking for Caroline or Bonnie or at least for someone who woudl help her but she shook her head and for what felt like the millionth time tonight, her eyes locked with mine.

"Do it for me. Please, Damon for me." Elena mouthed but the words flowed from her lips nevertheless.

Those four words was all it took for me to finally find the strength from inside to actually fight back. Those four words from her mouth made me feel like nothing in the world could touch me and small part of me wondered how I would react if she ever told me she loved me again but right now that didn't matter. Elena took a sigh of relief as she saw the life come flooding back into my eyes, the life she had somehow brought back to me with just four words that wouldn't mean a thing to me if someone else said it to me.

Slowly and clumsily, I found my strength and threw out my fist aiming for any part of Stefan that I could just so I could disarm him for a second, that was all I needed. As soon as my fist collided with Stefan, he stumbled back a few steps before snarling and almost showing the true nature of what he was in front of the entire council. He took a few steps towards me but he was too slow and this time my fist collided with his jaw.

"Stop it both of you!" A female voice shouted from behind us. A voice that held so much authority and so much teen spirit that it could only belong to the one and only; Caroline Forbes.

Caroline regarded me and Stefan like we were nothing but adolescent children that needed to be taught a lesson when it came to puplic behaviour. I couldn't stop my eyes from rolling at her, of course we were the children in this. Caroline stepped into the middle of me and Stefan whilst Tyler and Matt talked in hushed voices to Carole Lockwood who looked extremely horrified at the scene that had just happened in front of her. Caroline stared at me and Stefan in the eye, secretly telling us to stop and not let the council find out about us. From the corner of my eye, I could see Bonnie wrapping Elena up in her wrap and taking her through the exit doors. Just as I was about to take a step to follow them, Caroline stepped in front of me and shook her head.

"Nope, you're coming with me." Caroline said, grabbing my arm and pulling me out through the nearest door obviously not caring about Stefan who was stood there looking as though he could rip anyone apart at any moment or about her best friend who was the cause of the fight and obviously upset because of it.

She locked the door to what seemed to be Carole's study. There were large paintings hung around in gold frames that could have been bought from the local antique store. The desk was pine and cluttered with books, papers and everything else that you could imagine. Behind the desk rested an old wooden chair over looking the room and everyone who ever entered the room. The windows that stretched around the room caused the darkness to seep into the room from every crack making the room look so much colder than it's actual purpose.

"What the hell happened? You may as well have wrote I'm a vampire on your forehead!" Caroline hissed at me but she didn't look at me with anger or betrayl, no she looked at me with nothing but sympathy.

"Oh that was nothing. It wasn't like we were showing our fangs to the town and for a town who's supposed to know so much about vampires, they're a little crap on identifying them. I didn't care about the freaking town's people when your Saint Stefan had his hand on Elena and pratically crushing her-"

"Guys, it's Elena...she's gone." Bonnie whispered as she came skidding into the study. "Stefan is still here though... I don't know where she could have gone."

"I do."

Everyone's eyes turned towards me.

* * *

><p>Her car was parked outside the Lake House amongst all the dirt, mud and marshland. I could see the tyre tracks from the road all the way to where her car was lazily parked in front of the house, destroying nearly all the flowers around it. I didn't know how I knew she would be here but it was either this or the graveyard and I had remembered her saying whenever she felt confused and just wanted to be alone to think for longer than a few hours she would go to the Lake House, enjoy how welcoming nature was and just somehow find the answer from within the walls of the forest. We came here once when we wanted to spend the entire weekend together with no worries about people catching us or walking in on us when we were having our time together and it had been the best weekend of my life. I had never opened up to anyone like I had with her during that weekend and I had finally gave her my mother's necklace the one that would protect her from myself.<p>

Bracing myself to what I would find inside, I walked up the soggy wooden steps that had been fresh the last time I had been here. From inside I could hear the fire cracking and her breathing that seemed quite normal, no fast pacing or anything. In fact she seemed fine like there was nothing wrong with her at all. Curiously, I peered through the window but I didn't see her sat in her favourite arm chair by the fire like I had expected her to. No, she was nowhere in sight but I could hear her breathing. Where was she?

As if on cue, the door to the Lake House swung open revealing Elena in sweatpants and a t-shirt wearing her Ugg boots that she seemed to love so much. Her hair was tied back in to a ponytail and her makeup had been washed compeletly off her face. There was faint mascara smudges on her face but I didn't care, Elena was stood there in front of me and after tonight we had so much to talk about.

"Apart of me had hoped that I had told you about this place or that somehow you knew to find me here." She whispered, a faint smile on her lips whilst she took a step towards me. "God, I thought you had gave up tonight. I thought Stefan was going to kill you. I'm so sorry, Damon. I didn't think he would act like that...I-I.."

"Hey, come here." I whispered softly. "Ssh, it's okay."

And without thinking, without even realising just listening to my instinct, I wrapped my arms around Elena and pulled her as close as I could to me. She nuzzeled her face into my chest and for a moment all I could think about was her in my arms and just how many times I had dreamt of holding her like this again. Placing my head on top of hers, I breathed in the scent of her hair and she smelt heavenly just like lavender and strawberries all in one. She was intoxicating. Elena began to shiver in my arms from the cold or my touch I didn't know but I couldn't bring myself to stop holding her so instead I grabbed my jacket and wrapped that around her too. We stayed like that for a while just holding each other until finally she pulled away.

"You should come in." She whispered, her eyes on the floor.

Nodding slowly to myself, I stepped into the Lake House as all the memories came flooding back to the surface like how we had spent all night talking, how we had made love on the couch just because we couldn't bring ourselves to wait to get upstairs. This entire Lake House held so many memories and now it was time to step back inside and tear down the walls that I held up so over the years. Now it was time to show Elena I was the man she had fell in love with not so long ago.

* * *

><p><em><strong>I'm standing in the dark, <strong>_

_**She's dancing on the table, **_

_**I'm looking through the glass, **_

_**She's someone elses angel. **_

_**It may sound stupid but I'm wanting you back, **_

_**But I'm wanting you back. **_

_**And now, I'm standing in the dark. **_

* * *

><p><strong>Okay so what did you think? I hoped you liked it, I really do because I've been trying to write this chapter for so long now and the original version didn't include the Stefan and Damon fight but I wanted it in here as it makes more sense for the later chapters. Thank YOU so much for reading and please review. If you want to follow me or tweet me or whatever my username is FlyingFireworks. Love MidnightGirl467 xoxo<strong>


	12. Give All Of My Secrets Away

**I'm back with an update! I hope you like it. This carries on from the last chapter of Damon finding Elena in the Lake House. Song is One Republic- Secrets. I apologise so much for the slow replies. I love writing this story and it will get finished, I promise you that. Thank you for reading. **

* * *

><p><em><strong>Tell me what you want to hear, <strong>_

_**Something that will light those ears, **_

_**I'm sick of all the insincere,**_

_**So I'm going to give all my secrets away. **_

The Lake House hadn't changed at all since my last adventure here. Everything was still in the same place with just a bit more dust to it than last time. Elena's grandfather's coats were still hung up on the door and her mother's perfume still lay on her dresser untouched. Her father's books were still in the little study that had been added for her father to have his alone time when he felt it was needed. I had never met her parents due to they wouldn't have approved of mine and Elena's relationship unlike her friends who believed she was so daring to be dating a collage guy. Bonnie was less supportive of Elena and me other than Caroline. I had met Bonnie once and she had despised me from the start though occasionally she had tried for Elena's sake.

The fire crackled away in the centre of the room just like it always had and Elena was in the kitchen getting us a bottle of beer each knowing that the conversation we were about to have we would need some alcohol beverages just to give us the courage to say it out loud and to hear things that we would rather not hear. This conversation would no doubt be risky for our relationship she could either say she didn't want to know or she could say she did. No matter what choice she made though she would have to explain what she meant at the dance and how she felt. To me is obvious that she cared for me but with Elena you never know what she was thinking with, it was either her head or her heart.

I heard the lid popping off the beer bottle and then the slamming of a drawer before Elena made her way back to the sofa were I was currently waiting for her. My leather jacket hung over the arm of the sofa next to me whilst my shoes lay on the matt next to the door which had been my suggestion not wanting to bring dirt into the Lake House. Elena smiled and handed me the bottle of the beer which I held in my hand tightly. She had replaced her t-shirt with a small purple vest top that hung low on her cleavage distracting me when my eyes trailed down her body. She had removed the hair tie that held her hair in a ponytail and let it fall down her shoulders like she usually had her hair. Elena took a sip of her bottle and curled up on the sofa before eyes met mine.

"How did you know to find me? I was hoping you would because we need to talk but how did you know?" She asked.

"You brought me here one weekend. You told your parents you and Caroline were having a girls night here together so she would allow you to come when really Caroline had stayed over Bonnie's for the weekend. It was your idea to come here. We both wanted to spend time together without getting interrupted." I took a swig of my beer before continuing. "It was the weekend I realised I loved you more than what I thought I did but I didn't tell you. I realised I loved you more than anything in existence that weekend. I just could never bring myself to tell you until the day I…"

"Compelled me to forget." She whispered as matter of fact like the whole thing was no big deal but her eyes gave her away. She didn't like what I had done to her. Neither of us did. "What happened that weekend?"

"You told me you loved me whenever you could. You made me watch chick flicks, I cooked you dinner and we went swimming at midnight in the lake. You pushed me in actually when I was taking off my clothes to go in. You then gave me a little strip tease before diving in yourself." I let out a nervous chuckle. Had I told her too much? Did she want to know anymore?

"So you were the unknown reason to why I was such a party girl back then." Elena said sarcastically, her eyes lit up laughter.

"Apparently so." I couldn't help but mirror the smile that was on her lips.

"So did we…uh…you know that night?" She asked, a blush creeping up on her cheeks.

"Oh yeah. I believe it was our record for one night. We didn't sleep just kept going all night and slept for the most part of the day." I smirked at the memory.

Elena's blush deep crimson and I swear all the blood from her body rushed to her face. She seemed highly embarrassed by the idea of us two having sex for the entire night but then again she couldn't remember how I used to drive her crazy with the simplest of touches back then. She didn't know that she had the exact same effect on me. Our love had been chaotic, passionate, demanding, consuming but most importantly it had been the best love that could ever exist in the world. It was epic. It was real. It was right. It was simply everything that we had both wanted from life.

"That's not true." She shook her head the ghost of a smirk on her face. "You're teasing me."

"Sounds just like the past except it was more of a moan back then."

I laughed loudly and almost choked on my beer. I loved teasing her. It was just something that we did to each other. I loved seeing her get mad because she looked so adorable and perfect that it was hard not to kiss her because of her pouting lips and just to get her to stop shouting. Teasing each other had been one of the easiest things in our relationship; everything had been easier with her I just made it difficult for the both of us. I had been the one who didn't want to communicate any feelings towards her and in the end I had been the one to more or less push her away. No one else could be blamed for the downfall of our relationship except me. I had been the one to run when things had got rough. I had destroyed my own happiness without even knowing so until now.

"What are you thinking about?" She asked, leaning towards me with her sorrowful brown eyes and her laughter disappearing.

"Honestly?" I asked her wanting to let everything be up to her from now on.

Elena gazed at me before coming to sit next to me on her knees, her eyes never leaving me. She smiled a little before placing a comforting hand onto my shoulder. She nodded softly to me but I couldn't continue because when I opened my mouth to speak nothing came out. Her eyes, her complete and utter faith in had me stuck. How could she not hate me? How could she trust me and believe I was telling her the truth when I could be easily fishing her more lies? How?

"Tell me." She breathed and her breathe warmed my cheek.

"You." I smiled softly at her like the answer was the most obvious thing in the world. Of course it was her. It's always been her.

"What about me?" She whispered.

She knew we were both swimming in dangerous waters. Stefan could walk through the door at any moment and catch us in this intimate position but she only moved closer. She didn't look to the floor like she usually did when I looked into her eyes. No, her eyes never left mine and somehow it was all the encouragement that I needed to continue talking. Elena knew that by asking me to talk about her she was willingly asking me to admit my feelings for her and what I honestly thought of her without having to worry about the boundaries that would usually follow afterwards.

"Why do you trust me because after everything I've done and confessed to you the last few days I would be running as fast as I can away from me. Yet here you are looking at me…like that and I can't begin to think why. You're so forgiven, so faithful and beautiful that you shouldn't be allowed to exist, Elena but you do." Her smile grew and her hand slid into mine, her warmth spreading through my veins at her touch. "You were made for me, Elena because without you I don't have a reason to be on this planet. You were made to keep me in place, to love me even when I deserve to be hated, to make sure I don't become the monster I was turned into and to show me that I'm worth it. Elena, you don't mean to do it but you prove to me every second that I'm worth loving and that I'm somebody's first choice. You don't realise but tonight at the dance you chose me and you wanted me to live, to keep fighting for you. You have no idea how much this meant to me. You've let me in tonight even when you have every single reason to push me away."

The words had come out in a rush but now that I had said them, I didn't doubt them or regret them. No I was right to have said them. A small embarrassed smile had formed on my lips as I glanced towards our hands that were still entwined together but I couldn't bring myself to look at her and see her reaction to my words. I had never spoken of my feelings much before and doing it now with Elena was something I was terrified of doing. What if she threw it back in my face? What if she didn't feel that strongly towards me? What if? That's all I could hear myself saying.

"Damon…" My name on her lips brought my eyes back to her and I could almost see tears in them. Had I moved her that much or I had just upset her because she hadn't wanted to hurt me? Out of my options the latter seemed the most likely. She smiled softly and her fingers squeezed my hand.

"I-I don't even know what to say." She laughed nervously. "There's something inside of me that just can't pull away from you. There's this connection that I've been feeling ever since I can remember and when you left I thought this void inside of me was from my parents' death and because I didn't love Matt but it was because I missed you. I couldn't cope without you. I needed you and you were gone. Then slowly I fell in love with Stefan and he helped fill the hole for a while but the more time I spent with you it just…disappeared. Right now, I can't feel it because you're here with me. It's crazy but right now all I can think of is you. You completely consume me, Damon. I've never felt that before and yes you're right tonight I chose you in my own way. It hurt too much, Damon to see you like that. I hate seeing you hurt and I had never felt so hopeless in all my life." She let go of my hands but her hand began to caress my cheek softly as she continued to speak, her words almost effortless as they continued to flow.

"Stay with me tonight, Damon. I need you to stay with me until we figure this out. I'm not leaving this Lake House until I remember. I want to remember what it was like to be loved by you, Damon because my body is practically screaming at me telling me I'm missing the way you would hold me in the nights. Everything inside me, Damon is telling me that I've never stopped loving you. Please, don't go." Her words were nothing but a whisper as if she could barely believe that she was saying them out loud.

I could barely believe the words she was saying. Elena wanted me to stay with her? Spend the night here? Alone with no interruptions from the outside world and everything it seemed to threaten us with? Did her confession mean that she still loved me? That she cared for me? What did it all mean? I had never questioned so much in my life like I had the last few weeks with Elena but all of it had to be on her terms. I couldn't take her thoughts, her feelings or anything else away not anymore. I couldn't bring myself to lose her again but still what did it all mean? It wasn't just her choice of words it was her actions, the way her hand caressed my cheek softly and the way her eyes would linger on mine before drifting towards my lips and back to my eyes. Her brown eyes were soft and full of longing but longing for what? A million questions but no answers.

"I love you, Elena." I whispered the words without thinking and my forehead pressed against hers. "I loved you ever since I first met you."

Elena closed her eyes and her breathing grew ragged whether it was because of me being so close to her or whether it was because of the information I didn't know. My heart prayed it was because of how I affected her when I was around her, how her eyes would stray to my lips or down my body and how her breathing would become more intense whenever I stood to close to her or touched her but I hadn't touched her like this ever since we had been together. I had been this close to her lips in so long and all I could think about was how they tasted if they were as sweet and pure as I remembered or whether my imagination had run wild. Unintentionally, I leaned in closer to her and my heart seemed to be hammering against my chest mirroring the sound of hers. Her eyes were wide but her lips were slightly parted causing me to wonder whether she wanted this or not. I didn't want to be rejected by her not after I had just opened my heart to her and practically gave her the key.

"Damon…" She breathed against my lips. "I can't." Her words were choked.

She turned her head away from me and I could see a tear rolling down her cheek. Why was she crying? Elena had a million reasons to cry, to be angry to feel any emotion that could lead to her crying but why was she crying after she had been the one to pull away from me? Her brown doe eyes turned back to face me and she wiped away her tears with her hand. She took a deep breath and slowly her tears stopped but her eyes remained glassy and red.

"I'm sorry." She choked. "I just-"

"It's okay, Elena." I smiled briefly at her before turning my head to face the fire in front of me. The flames crackling and washing away the darkness as they crept higher. "I actually get it."

Truthfully, I did get it. I understood that she couldn't just kiss me and expect everything to suddenly fall into place because kissing her would just give us more problems. Elena was with Stefan, my baby brother and here I was sat here getting ready to kiss his girl. A pretty special girl that had once belonged to me, a girl who I worshipped the ground she walked on and thanked God every day for creating her for me. She was perfect in every way and for a brief period she was mine and I was hers.

"I should probably go." I rose from the sofa and entangled myself from her not wanting to leave but figured it was the honourable thing to do.

"Stay." She whispered and I could see the shock in her eyes as she spoke unable to believe what she had just said. Elena nodded to herself telling herself this is what she wanted before speaking again also raising from the sofa and walking over to where I stood. "Stay with me? I don't want to be alone."

Now the honourable thing was to leave and just go, give her time to think and figure out what she wanted and needed from life. I should go back home to where Stefan was probably at home drowning his sorrows with either my liquor or the supply of blood bags realising he had embarrassed himself in front of the entire town by fighting with me tonight at the Lockwood Mansion. He wouldn't want to see me tonight or ever now that he knows about the relationship me and Elena had once shared. The selfish thing was to obey her request and stay with her knowing that so much could change between us in one night but when she looked at me with her eyes pleading me to stay how could I refuse?

"I'll stay." I whispered softly, a part of me wanting to go knowing it wasn't fair to my brother but it wasn't fair to leave Elena by herself. None of this was fair and everyone that got hurt in the process would be my fault. No one deserved this confusion especially her, my faithful Elena.

Elena smiled and took her hand in mine and led me towards the bedroom where she had slept since she was a little girl, where we had once had spent an entire day just kissing and touching each other unable to get enough of one another. It was the best memory I had ever had of us, it was beautiful and just loving just like her. Elena took a small breath and let go of my hand as she glanced towards her bed.

"Did we…here?" She asked biting on her lower lip unsure how to phrase the question.

"Remember the day and night I was telling you about? Yeah that was in this bed." I laughed, lighting the tension between us and to my surprise she laughed with me holding her face in her hands.

"I never even knew!" She laughed embarrassed. "You were a bad influence on me, Salvatore."

"You were the one who was insisting."

"This is so embarrassing." She whispered turning away from me blushing once again as her eyes drifted over to the bed.

I could see the shadow of doubt spread across her face pondering the question on whether or not we should stay in the same bed together. She nervously chewed her bottom lip with her teeth and run her fingers through her hair, the blush fading slightly. Her brown eyes remained fixed on the bed and then she looked at me a small smile on her face. Elena took a deep breath before walking over to me and taking my hand whilst taking another glance at the bed.

"I probably shouldn't be asking this and you can say no if you don't want to or that you think it will get you in trouble with Stefan but…um…Damon.." She mumbled nervously, continuing to babble on which was the cutest thing in the world and I couldn't help but smile. "Ah, Damon would you – only if you want to- would you…uh…stay with me tonight… like in my…"

"Elena." I said smiling down at her and taking both of her hands in mine. "I'm going to have to stop you there purely because you're going to give yourself a mental breakdown if you continue and my answer is…"

There was a moment of silence between us neither of us knowing what my answer would be. Did I betray Stefan and stay in the same bed as Elena? Was it taking advantage of Elena? Did she actually want this or did she feel like she had to ask me because I was there? It wouldn't be taking advantage of it though if she was asking me would it? A part of me knew that in some way or another it was a bad idea to say yes but the other part of me just wanted to spend as much time with her as I could before everything got so messed up. It wasn't my best decision but I wasn't known for making good ones.

"I'll stay with you." I smiled down at her.

"Then let's get to sleep."

**This**_** time, don't need another perfect lie**_

_**Don't care if critics ever jump in line**_

_**I'm gonna give all my secrets away**_

_**All my secrets away, all my secrets away**_

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><p><strong>So what did you think? Did you enjoy? I hope you did. Thanks so much for reading this and next chapter Elena and Damon's relationship delevops more and you see more about the past. I have to go and have dinner so don't forget to review, thanks. <strong>

**Twitter: FlyingFireworks**

**Love, MidnightGirl467 XxX**


	13. All My Life I Am Yours

**Okay so I've finally updated! The writing towards the end isn't my best as I got a headache whilst writing but I didn't want to stop because I had to update for you guys. So I apologize for that but I hope you enjoy the chapter anyway. Song: What About Now - Daughtry.**

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><p><em><strong>The sun is breaking in your eyes<strong>_

_**To start a new day.**_

_**This broken heart can still survive**_

_**With a touch of your grace.**_

_**Shadows fade into the light.**_

_**I am by your side,**_

_**Where love will find you.**_

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><p>The sun peered through the window and cast the most beautiful light on Elena's face in front of me. Her eyes were closed peacefully and her brown hair was fanned out across the pillow, her hands tucked under her face from where we fell asleep last night just staring at each other. Her chest rose evenly and every few seconds a small smile tugged at the edges of her lips causing me to wonder what she was dreaming. My hands tenderly stroked her hair savor the moment to touch her whilst I still could before she woke up and possibly decided that me staying the night had been an entire mistake on her part. Elena was having one of her rare moments where she had a small smile on her lips and my heart did a little jump as pathetic as it sounds but there was a small hopeful part of me that prayed she was dreaming of me. I had spent hours just led watching her sleep because it had brought me peace and I had never thought that I had would be in this position again, I thought I had lost her but here I was in bed with the girl I loved as she slept. Her eyelashes fluttered against her cheeks and her she stirred a little so naturally I dropped my hand from her and cheek waiting for to wake up. I didn't want her to wake up with me touching her so affectionately and I didn't want her to freak out or anything. I needed Elena to be calm and want me here so we could talk things through so I could help her.<p>

"Damon?" She whispered opening her eyes groggily.

"Hey." I whispered back not sure what else to say to her.

She opened her brown eyes wide and smiled the smile that she had only reserved for me, the smile where she was no longer the girl from Mystic Falls that had lost her parents but a girl with so much more passion and adventure. She was the girl before her parents died. The girl who had so much fire within her it was incredible. She was my Elena that I had fallen in love with all that time ago. Elena continued to smile at me and I couldn't help but smile back. I had never felt so happy in my life. I just couldn't believe that after all this time I had this moment with her. Somehow it felt stolen from someone else but it was something I was too selfish to give back and I wanted this small moment to last forever.

"Morning." She stretched slowly before laying back in earlier position so she could see me. "How long have you been awake?"

"Not long." I smiled back, my hand reaching out at its own accord to brush a strand of wild hair and tuck it behind her ear.

There was a long moment of silence between us and similar to last night we just stared at each other not really talking but just enjoying the time we had together. Her hand reached out from under her cheek and grasped mine as her thumb made circled patterns on my palm. I looked down at our hands and back up to Elena, her eyes exploring mine. She smiled softly when she realized I had caught her staring and her gaze dropped to our hands, her cheeks turning crimson. Leaning forward my hand gently caressed her cheek and her heart started beating faster in her chest, fighting against the rib cage that fought to contain it. Ever so slowly I leaned in closer towards her just like last night and her breathing was now becoming uneven just from me being this close to her. I glanced down at her lips before returning my gaze back to her eyes which were still focused on me.

"Damon…we can't." She whispered but her eyes still remained closed, her words meaningless."Not now."

Just as I was about to join our lips together for the first time in over a year her phone buzzed from the table next to her. Elena jumped startled at the noise, her eyes wide recognition at what we were just about to do. She mouthed 'sorry' for jumping out of bed and answering the phone call that had interrupted me from finally being with the girl I love. Elena grasped the phone in her hand telling the person to hold on before she walked down stairs into the kitchen. I could still hear faint whispers coming from both ends of the phone but nothing more. Sighing, I got up from the bed threw on my shirt and jeans before going downstairs.

"Hey." Elena said coming into the living room from the kitchen and taking in my appearance.

There was a small part of me that wanted to stay but after nearly kissing Elena this morning and ruining any chance to be with her again by doing so was to leave. She was confused right now, she was with Stefan, I would be taking advantage, and Elena doesn't know what she feels. There was so many reasons to leave but so many reasons to stay with her, be with her and gain her trust so she would allow me to compel her to remember her actual past other than the one I had made up for her. The only reason that made want to leave so badly was that now she wasn't my girl anymore. No, Elena was my brother's girl. The right thing to do was leave. I had leave and give her some time to think about everything. The last week alone had probably been both mentally and emotionally challenging for Elena and it was only fair to leave her with her thoughts so she could eventually make her own decision in what she actually wanted to do. I had to leave besides if she needed me I was only ever a phone call away. Right now, however I had to leave. I had to go.

"Who was on the phone?" I asked picking up my jacket from the coat rack and putting it on.

"Stefan." Elena said clearly not caring at the moment as she noticed me putting on my jacket. Her eyes squinted at me and I could tell that any minute now she was going to come to the conclusion that I was leaving and she was going to raise her voice at me.

"Let me guess? I'm in big trouble." I said sarcastically hoping to lighten the mood between us.

"We both are but if you walk out of that door right now I will never forgive you." Elena said sternly walking closer to me, her arms folded tightly across her chest.

"Elena…" I said trying to reason with her.

"Seriously, Damon you're going to try and leave. After last night with the ball, the conversation we had right here in this very room and this morning? You're just going to leave." Elena scoffed. "You can't leave right now because if you leave right now you're proving to me that you haven't changed since we've been together. You think the better man would just get up and leave me to figure out a past I don't remember? You think the better man would get up and go after staying the night? " Elena was screaming at me now her hands waving around in the air and I could hear her heart beating wildly in her chest. She was so mad. Her tiny hands balled into fists as she walked closer to me, her feet slamming against the wooden flooring.

"Elena…"I breathed trying to make her see reason but she was having none of it, she was stood in front of me now glaring up at me.

"You honestly believe that it's okay for you to leave? You haven't changed a bit, Damon! You're willing to just go and leave just like you was then because you don't think about others! You don't know what it's like to lose you!" She shrieked. "Be the better man!"

Okay, now it was my turn to be mad and I didn't want to be mad at her. I just wanted to be with her but everything got so screwed up once again because of me. All of this was entirely my fault. I was the reason Elena couldn't remember her past, I was the reason that Stefan was angry with her, I was the reason she was screaming at me now just like she used to and I was the reason she had suffered all that pain when I had left. She had suffered pain that she didn't know how to heal and because of that she could never truly be happy. I had prevented her happiness. All of her pain was my fault. Everything that happened to Elena ever since I had met her had been my fault. It was that simple but it wasn't like I had tried to hurt her. Everything that I had done had been to protect her, to help her. I was only trying to do the right thing and be the better man that she had wanted me to be but here we are and I still can't please her.

"You think the better man stays with the girl he loves in her lake house with her and be with in her bed even though she's in a relationship with his brother? You think that I should stay with you, cloud your judgement and possibly pressure you into remembering something that you're not ready for? Elena, you need to think all this through because all of this is a lot to take in and you haven't had any time without anyone bothering you. Even when I hadn't seen you for a week you still was with Caroline, Stefan and Bonnie acting like nothing was wrong. You haven't thought any of this through, Elena. I'm only trying to do the right thing by you and my brother. I've already hurt you both. I'm just trying to be better. I need to be better." I told her taking out a deep breath and her brown doe eyes looked up at me.

Her heart rate had gone back to its normal pace and her breathing had gone back to normal. Her cheeks were still red with anger that had hopefully now passed but even angry she was still beautiful. Elena's bottom lip was captured between her teeth, her eyes still on me but all I could pay attention to was how close she was to me. I could feel her breathing on my skin, the heat from her body on warming mine and her lips just inches from my own. I immediately forgot my anger towards her, my thoughts only consisting of this morning and how I was so close to kissing her. I remembered her words from earlier 'not now', the words she had whispered so softly that I knew she was trying to do the right thing and wanted to deny herself what we had. We had both tried to do the right thing.

"What about now?" I whispered back before taking her face in my hands and pressing my lips to hers with urgency.

At first the kiss was soft and tender both of us just wanting to show how much we cared for each other in the kiss but the kiss changed to something more passionate, more mind blowing and intense within a few seconds. Our lips crashed together, our lips fitting together like the perfect pair. Elena's arms were wrapped around my neck and her hands were pulling on my hair causing me to moan softly in her mouth. My hand on her waist pressing me closer to me whilst my other was on the small of her back pressing the top half of her body against my cheek. Elena's heart was beating frantically in her chest as we continued to kiss each other. We were kissing for what felt like hours but still I didn't what to stop but I knew I had to stop. We both pulled away at the same time our breathing ragged as we looking into each other's eyes, our foreheads touching.

"Wow." Elena breathed.

"Why did you give in?" I chuckled nervously because that part didn't make any sense to me but I hadn't questioned it earlier because all I could think about was her kiss. My hand caressed her cheeks as I searched her eyes searching for any sort of recognition in her eyes, searching for the impossible. "The Elena I knew wouldn't have done something like this to Stefan."

"You're right, I wouldn't have done this to Stefan if it had been anyone else." She nodded pulling away from my touch slightly. "What we did wasn't right to do because of Stefan and I don't know what will happen once I remember. I don't know but I just whenever you're here I don't want you to go. This connection between us is killing me, I feel like I'm on fire when you touch me and I just need you all the time. I'm healed when you're with me. I'm tired of fighting it." She mumbled in defeat. "But I can't-we can't do it again."

Elena moved away from me entirely causing my hand to drop to my side. We had just took what felt like a million steps forward with that kiss only to take a million step backwards. Elena was right, we couldn't keep kissing and acting like a couple when Stefan was currently going out of his mind wondering what was going on between us. She was also in love with my brother and whatever she felt for me might even disappear when she was eventually ready to remember so if kissing me ruined her relationship with Stefan then we couldn't kiss. It wasn't fair to my brother and it wasn't fair to her. I had to be fair to her.

"Come on, let's go out by the lake and have some food." I smiled towards her, secretly telling her that I understood every word she had just said and that I wouldn't try to kiss her again.

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><p>We had been out by the lake for hours just talking and laughing with each other telling stories of our past. Elena had the familiar fun twinkle in her eye that just brought a smile to my face, how could you not be happy when the most beautiful girl in the world was? A brown blanket was wrapped around her shoulders and her pajama shorts had been replaced with an old pair of jeans that she had found in her wardrobe. The pizza box lay empty on the picnic blanket beneath us along with empty soda cans, beer bottles and water bottles. Elena and I had basically ordered whatever we could from the pizza place whilst finding a box of beer bottles in the fridge from where Jeremy used to have his parties here.<p>

"Honestly Caroline wanted to play the fairy so we argued for hours fighting over a tiara! Bonnie was practically wedged between us trying to get us to stop fighting even Matt couldn't break us apart." Elena said raising the soda can to her lips.

"You seriously fought over a tiara?" I asked her raising my eyebrows. "You fought over a tiara." I couldn't help the laughter that came from my lips. "Don't get me wrong I can see Caroline fighting over one definitely but you…" I trailed off still laughing.

"I was six years old." She said her facial expression suggesting that I had offended her with my laughter. Her hand grasped the pillow next to her, her eyes shining with trouble as she raised her hand to toss the pillow at me I quickly moved out of the way and caught the pillow in my hands.

"Thanks." I muttered laughing holding the pillow in my arms.

"You're an ass." She told me taking another sip of her soda.

"And you need something new to call me." I smirked tilting my head to the side to look at her.

Elena smiled at me before turning her gaze towards the lake, her one hand grasping the corners of the blanket to hold it on her shoulders whilst the others remained around her soda. Odd strands of her hair were blowing randomly in the wind and dancing around her face but she didn't seem to notice or care she was too busy concentrating on the lake in front of her. Her heart rate was normal, her breathing normal and so was everything also about her which didn't help me much in trying to figure out what was wrong but I also didn't want to interrupt her from her thoughts. It amazed how beautiful someone could look just by doing nothing and how you could fall so madly in love with her just like that.

"Damon?" She asked me pulling me out of a trance, her eyes remaining fixed on the lake in front of her. Slowly her face turned back to mine, her eyes now focused on mine instead of the murky waters of the lake. "What happens when I remember?"

"Honestly, I don't know." I told her in reply moving closer to her so I was sat next to her rather than opposite her. "You'll remember the past with me but you won't forget the past that I made up for you. It will be hard for you, Elena and I won't lie to you about that but I'm for you. I'll make it easier for you in any way that I can." I promised her wrapping my arm around her shoulder and she buried her face in my chest, silently crying against my shirt. Closing my eyes, I softly rubbed up and down her back in hope to soothe which apparently it did.

"What happens to you if I still love Stefan more?" She chocked staring into my eyes, the odd tear running down her face.

"I'm always going to love you." I shrugged making it appear as though it was nothing despite the thought of her still going back to Stefan after all this over killed me. "Elena, I'm yours whether you love me or not. I'm always going to be yours. I'm yours."

There was a moment of silence between us as she took in what I had just said but I didn't fear that I had said too much because I had to risk telling her everything that I felt it was the only for her to know how I truly felt. I had to fight for her, earn her trust and I would do everything that I needed to do if after everything she came back to me full of love. Elena smiled softly at me before taking my face in her hands and her lips placing a soft kiss to the corner of my lips.

"Thank you." She breathed against my lips.

"I'll help you through this no matter what the outcome for me is. I'll always help you."

_**Now that we're here,**_

_**Now that we've come this far,**_

_**Just hold on.**_

_**There is nothing to fear,**_

_**For I am right beside you.**_

_**For all my life,**_

_**I am yours.**_

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><p><strong>There you go so what did you think? I hope you enjoyed it. This chapter was a nicecute moment for our favourite couple. I know it seems like Damon doesn't know what to do and he's always changing what he feels but he's sort of in conflict with his feelings. He doesn't know how to be the better man and Elena doesn't know how to deal with all this confusion so the next chapter helps deal with that. Thank you for reading! Please review, thank you!**

**Twitter: Flyingfireworks**

**Wattpad: Flyingfireworks**

**Tumblr: aprincesstothepublic**

**Love MidnightGirl467 xox**


	14. Still Looking Up

**Okay, please, please don't hate me for the lack of updates. I had exams that are no finally over and I'm on my summer vacation and then I had Insurgence 5 (Can't believe I actually met the cast) so I couldn't write. I can not apologise enough but from now on this story will be updated regularly and the next update will be within a week. Thank you so much for standing by this story, you are amazing ! I love you!**

**Song: Jason Mraz - I Won't Give Up. **

**I beta stories by Somerholish so you all after you've read this need to check out her stories because she is unbelievably fantastic! She's a close friend and I love her. **

**If you read other stories of mine then don't worry I'm working on these chapters as we speak and they will be updated within the next few days. I've also been working on the Stefan & Katherine sequel to Comeback like I promised. I've also got another story in the works but I won't be posting until I am few chapters ahead so I can post more regularly. **

**Okay so I'm going to shut up now. I hope you enjoy. **

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><p><em><strong>When I look into your eyes<strong>_

_**It's like watching the night sky**_

_**Or a beautiful sunrise**_

_**Well there's so much they hold**_

Elena was spread across the bed, her brown hair fanned out across the pillow and the odd curl in her hair surrounded her ever beating chest. Her hands were clasped together by the left side of her head and her mouth was slightly open, her lips still slightly red and puckered from our kiss last night. Elena's lips had twisted in her sleep causing her to have a lazy smile and for me to mirror it. How could you look at her right now and not smile? She was just beautiful, she was perfect, and she was the girl that had all my love.

The red and fullness of her lips drifted my thoughts back to last night and how her kiss had affected something that I had thought I had lost since losing her; hope. It seemed stupid, cliché, highly pathetic and something Stefan would write in his diary but I had no other words to describe the feelings inside me. The kiss had awakened something in me to fight harder for Elena, be the man that she had wanted me to be and show her that I was more than the impulsive wreck that she remembered. I loved Elena with everything that I had and she belonged with me, not Stefan and not the pathetic quarterback. Me. Elena would always be mine. Yes there were a million reasons to why we shouldn't be together but there was one reason why we should be; I loved her and she loved me.

My confident thoughts were interrupted by Elena's cell phone buzzing from the table on her side of the bed but somehow she had found herself on my side of the bed this morning so the noise did not disturb her from her slumber. Leaning over the bed, I grasped the phone in my hand and my original intention had been to switch it off and let Elena sleep but when glancing at the phone I read the text that had appeared on the screen unable to stop myself.

_Elena! I know you're staying at the Lake House and the only reason I haven't showed up_

_is to give you time to be alone to understand what my brother has done to you, and how he has messed you up in so many ways. I am sorry about my reaction at the ball but you are so easily manipulated by him, Elena. _

_He has some sort of control over you. He's not good for you. _

_Please answer my calls. I love you. _

_Stefan_

It was clear that my brother hated me for interfering with him and Elena's relationship but did he seriously prefer that she didn't know? In the text he had said I was manipulating her and that I was no good for her and normally I would have believed him but the fact that Elena was still here and asking me to stay, still willing to give me the benefit of the doubt, still willing to trust me and to kiss me meant that there was something good going on between us. Elena and I were good for each other I would believe that, I had to believe it.

A buzz came from my phone downstairs and with a sigh I rose from the bed taking one last look at Elena's sleeping form. I smiled to myself again before brushing a strand of her hair from her face, my fingertips barely touching her cheek as I caressed it gently. Her skin felt like velvet underneath mine…so soft. Slowly not to disturb her I placed a lingering kiss on her forehead before making my way downstairs to where my jacket had been resting ever since the ball.

My hands searched the pockets with ease before pulling out the desired object and resting it in my fingers. Turning my phone over in my hands so the screen faced towards me, I pressed the button with my thumb causing a ray of light to escape from the phone. One unread message, lucky me. Rolling my eyes to myself I pressed the messages icon and opened the message that I had no doubt would be from Stefan.

_I hope you've left town, brother, because you have caused enough damage. _

_If you are with her…_

_Stefan. _

He was unable to state his threat but it was there in the text. If he found out that I was with Elena he would undoubtedly be pissed at my behaviour, at my betrayal and the way I was clearly 'manipulating' Elena and whatever else I had done wrong. I understood why he was so angry with me because when he first brought Elena home claiming her to be his girlfriend I had hated him for it, I had lashed out on the town and lashed out on Caroline wanting to give Stefan a taste of what I could do and killing Lexi was the ultimate damage that I could do to him but there was always something from stopping me causing him any physical pain. At the end of the day I had come to terms that he was with Elena and showing her the kind of love with rainbows, unicorns where nothing exciting remotely happened because that had been one of the reasons I had left her. I didn't want her getting hurt and I knew Stefan would never do that to her. He wouldn't hurt her. I understood his hatred towards me right now, I understood. He could hurt me but he would not hurt Elena. I wouldn't let him touch her.

Sighing, I placed my phone in a random pocket in my jacket not bothering to reply to my brother. When I dropped the phone into my pocket my fingers instantly became in contact with something cold, something with a chain. Curling my fingers around it I picked it up and recognised the cold slithering chain to be the chain to my mother's necklace, the necklace that I had once given to Elena long ago to protect her when I had been feeling quite brave and similar to what I was feeling now; hope. My finger traced the rose on the pendant whilst my thumb caressed the silver frame holding the picture together, my memories taking me back to the one moment where the necklace had represented hope for me and Elena.

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><p><em>Elena was stood in front of the fire place, her hair flowing down in soft curls down her back and her jeans hugging her legs in all the right ways. Her breathing was soft and controlled, her heart beating fairly normally as she stared into the flames with a determined expression on her face. Elena's arms hugged her body tight as though she needed to protect herself from the tempting threatening flames. Shadows caressed her body whilst the fire flickered over her skin causing her to resemble a beautiful painting from all that time ago. <em>

"_Elena." I whispered softly, announcing my arrival into the room and coughing a little._

_There were a few seconds that passed before she turned around but once she did her face remained covered by the shadows in the room and only her left hand side of her face were lit up by the flames now. Elena smiled brightly at me before taking a few steps towards me and holding her hands out for me to take. I smiled softly back at her thinking of what I was about to do, what I was about to give her and how it was going to change everything about us for so long. Her brown doe eyes met mine and in that one instant I knew that I wasn't making a mistake because this was Elena. She was worth this. _

"_Hey." She whispered back, rubbing soft circles on my hand close to my thumb. _

"_I hope you haven't been waiting too long." I told her looking down at our hands together. _

"_Nope." She smiled and pulled me closer, her heart beating wildly just by us being pressed together and our skin touching._

_There was a moment of silence between us, a moment where I just breathed in her beauty and admired her for the angel that she was, the breathtakingly beautiful girl that had somehow stayed with me despite my emotional impulsive nature that was a constant barrier between us. She managed to stay with me, managed to still love and care for me even with my lack of humanity. She had always managed to be there no matter how many times I had pushed her away when we had our regular fights and by some miracle she would always come back to me. Elena had always been here for me and as she closed her eyes, whispering I love you into my neck, I knew that giving her my mother's necklace was the right choice. _

"_I have something for you." I whispered detangling her body from mine and holding her back with a small smile on her face knowing how curious she would be as I hardly gave her gifts. _

_Elena raised her one eyebrow at me and pouted her mouth in a teasing way, all in all regarding me with a curious expression but one that was filled with joy. She kept holding my one hand as her brown eyes sparkling with curious rested on mine. She titled her head slightly to the side and a noise of disbelief left her mouth. Was she really that shocked that I could give her something? That I could actually be a decent human being towards her? Was I that much of a monster when I was around her? I shook my heads, throwing away all the negative thoughts that fought to creep back in consume me because nothing was going to ruin this moment._

"_You didn't have to get me anything." She whispered, shaking her head in disbelief._

"_No." I told her because I didn't have to get her anything if I didn't want to, I didn't have to give her the necklace that was my most prized possession and that would end up protecting her. "No, you're right. I didn't have to get you anything but I wanted to." I swallowed. "It didn't cost anything before you worry about that, it's just something I want you to have."_

"_What's the occasion?" She smiled looking at me._

_I love you, I wanted to say but no I couldn't tell her that because every time the words tried to leave my lips nothing came out and I couldn't lead her on too much. If I told her I loved her then she would never look for the life she deserved, she wouldn't become the strong woman that was slowly taking shape. She wouldn't become Elena Gilbert. She would become completely fixed on me, on our love and vampirism, and I didn't want that for her. _

_My hands moved to the back of my jeans where I rummaged the black velvet box out and into my hands. For a split second the negative thoughts consumed me, crawling into my brain and making me uncertain of what I should do. _You're not good enough, Damon. 'You don't deserve her.' 'She will never love you like you think she will.' 'She's going to run.' 'She hasn't met Stefan yet and she will pick him.' 'History will be repeated and you will be left without the girl.' _The voice whispered in my ear but not in my own voice but rather in two voices that always seemed to reject me in my past; Katherine and Giuseppe. _

"_Damon?" Elena whispered bringing me back to reality, bringing me back to her. "There's something holding you back from me isn't there?"_

_Ignoring her question, I pulled out the black box and hoped that the conversation would soon disappear so we could go back and do what we did best; kiss, sex and being with each other. I could feel Elena sigh in defeat because she knew that I would take the conversation no further and that it would only end in us fighting which neither of us wanted. Her gaze landed on the box between us both and I opened the lid causing a gasp to emit from her lips. I smiled at her reaction before taking the necklace out of the box and into my hands. _

"_Damon, it's beautiful." _

"_Perfect for you then." I whispered turning her around, placing a soft kiss to her neck causing her eyelids to flutter in pleasure. _

_My fingers undid the clasp quickly and Elena grabbed all her hair within her hands, lifting up so I could place the necklace around her neck, a necklace that she would hopefully be able to wear for the rest of her life, a necklace that somehow I would never have to take away from her. Once the necklace was around her neck I tightened the clasp so it would fit her body shape and not happen to fall off during her cheerleading, yoga and whatever else she did to help keep herself fit. She picked the pendant up and her fingers twirled it around for a while before she dropped it back to the centre of her chest. _

"_Why are you giving me this?" She asked turning back around to face me. _

"_It will protect you from compulsion." I smiled weakly at her. "I don't want anyone to have the ability to control you." _

"_So you can't compel me?"_

"_No."_

"_Well at least I know you will never be able to leave me and make forget you because that's what I am most afraid of." She said with a smile before pressing her lips to mine. _

* * *

><p>"What's that?" Elena's voice came from the top of the stairs.<p>

Turning around I seen she was dressed in dark jeans that emphasised her curves that made up her body more so than usual and her purple tank top was tight in the all right places. And, just for a moment I had to remember not to kiss her and pull her back into the bedroom to show her how much she couldn't remember, how much pleasure I could bring her within seconds, how soft her skin felt under my fingertips. Clenching my fist tightly by my side I had to control the lust and love that was building inside of me and not do what my mind wanted me to do. I had to breathe. Breathe. Elena stared at me from the top of the stairs, her brown eyes squinting at me and her head titled slightly to the side.

"Damon? Are you okay?" She asked, her hand gripping the banister and walking slowly down the stairs.

I nodded to her unable to stop the smile on my lips as I realised everything about her still made me crazy, still made me want her, still made me want to kiss her and make love to her in every way possible. She still drove me crazy but the difference now was that I could control my emotions around her. Somehow I had managed to gain control, become the better man and still be me along the way. Elena had changed me and yes, I had said it a million times before but at the end of the day it was true. She saved me, changed me and no matter what her choice was at the end of all this I would always owe her for that.

"Look if this was about the kiss last night…" Elena trailed off, her eyes wavering between me and the floor. "It probably shouldn't have happened. I mean, I am technically dating Stefan even though we haven't stopped fighting but I can't bring myself to regret it, Damon."

A small smile tugged at the edge of my lips. She didn't regret it. She didn't regret it. The words seemed to be on repeat in my head, a constant reassurance that there was hope for me and Elena. She smiled softly at me and tucked a strand of hair behind her ear, a small blush creeping on her face. Her hands somehow managed to find their way together and she tangled them together in front of her as she ever slowly rocked back and for on her heels. Taking a hesitant step towards her I slowly lifted the palm of my hand to her cheek before caressing her skin gently with my thumb causing sparks to erupt where we touched.

"I shouldn't be smiling either." I told her because I really shouldn't be but it was too hard to walk away from her. "You're my brother's girl despite your problems and maybe he is right for you but I can't let you go." Shaking my head softly my eyes met hers and my voice dropped to a soft whisper in the air. "I love you, Elena. I love you and this time I'm not walking away until you tell me too. I'm not leaving you again."

"There's this feeling that I can't explain or even justify but I know that I loved you at some point in my life. The attraction, the passion, the tension and love is all inside me but I could never figure it out before. I know now that's it been you all along, this weird feeling inside me has been the love that I had for you that has never disappeared. Do you remember when I told you I had this ache in my chest? Well it's gone because I'm not missing you and you're here with me. Damon, all this has been you."

Nothing in this world could comprehend the emotions that were building inside me and I suddenly felt like a teenage boy who had trouble picking up girls, who had no idea how to kiss or even touch a girl. Elena Gilbert felt something for me, she had feelings for me and the feelings had never stopped. Elena still loves me. She loves me. She feels it too. She actually feels this connection between us, the one that I had believed I had made up in some radical attempt to keep her a part of me. I leaned in closer towards her and all I wanted to do was show her how much I loved her by kissing her with everything that I had, touching and worshipping her but that would overstep my boundaries. When and if we did ever take that extra step in our relationship again then it would be somewhere important and special so I opted for the safe choice by pressing a soft kiss to her forehead and wrapping her up in my arms. We stayed holding each other for several moments before we eventually pulled away.

"Isn't that the necklace I found in your room?" Elena asked gazing over at the necklace that had remained neglected in the palm of my left hand. "The one I used to wear?"

"Yeah." I nodded, untwisting the chain from around my fingers and holding it in front of her as though she was my customer at a jewellery store.

"It's beautiful." She whispered, her hand reaching out towards the pendant as her fore finger caressed the silver rose.

"Keep it." I muttered surprised at my own abruptness. Was I really giving her the necklace of my mother again? Was it really the right time for it? Maybe I should have waited until she chose me but did I really want the necklace, that held so many beautiful memories, with anyone else than her? No. No I didn't because no matter what the outcome for us was the necklace would always belong to her now. The necklace was a symbol of how much I loved her and it would always keep the two women I loved most together forever. Yes, Elena needed to keep the necklace. My lips curled slightly at the edge due to my conclusion but now it was down to whether or not Elena wanted to keep it.

My eyes watched Elena intently, my blue eyes searching hers for any sign of what my abruptness had done to her. Her fingers had managed to curl themselves around the pendant protectively and her brown doe eyes were wide with surprise but there was a small brush of red in her cheeks that informed me of how much I had flattered her by giving her the necklace. Elena gasped softly, her eyes now gazing beneath her eyelashes as she tried to comprehend what had just happened between us. There was a moment of our eyes just staring at each other trying to make out what the other was thinking before she finally stepped back, shaking her head slowly and letting go of the necklace.

"I couldn't do that, Damon." She titled her head to the side, smiling at me softly. "That necklace is so precious to you. I-I couldn't keep it."

"Elena." I sighed, taking the necessary step towards her and closing the distance between us once more. I held her hands in mine and looked into her sweet loving eyes that never failed show how she felt. "There is no one else on this planet that I want to have this necklace other than you. This was my mother's necklace and she was adamant that I would give it to the girl I loved, the girl that I would marry and settle down with, eventually. So yeah, Elena, you have to have this necklace even if you and I don't have the happy ending that I want. You have to have this necklace, Elena because every time I look at it I am filled with hatred and regret that I let you go the first time. So, please just take it and at least I know I'll always be with you. It will always protect you from anyone to try and compel you again. The necklace belongs to you so please just take it, Elena. Please, take it. It's yours."

Elena's eyes were wide from the speech that I had given to her and her hand had gone limp in mine. Her eyes were filled with compassion, trust and faith in me that I was telling her the truth and that none of this was a big plot just to get her in my arms. She trusted me. For several seconds, her hand was limp in my hands but she curled her fingers around the palm of my hand and clutched it tightly, a soft smile on her lips. I couldn't quite believe that the girl I loved was in front of me and in a place where I never thought I would be again. All of it just seemed like a dream that I was supposed to wake up from any minute. It was too good to be true.

"I'm not going to push you on this am I?" She said with a small teasing grin.

"Nope." I said unable to hide my laughter.

Elena shook her head in exasperation at my insistence and turned so her back was facing me, her long brown hair streaming down her back. For a moment I stared at her confused, wondering why she had turned her back on me. It wasn't until a small giggle arose from her lips that I realised she wanted me to put the necklace on her. My feet took a step closer so her body was pressed against mine and I could feel her body shaking with anticipation as her heart beat grew louder. We hadn't been this close to each other for a very long time and all I wanted to do was wrap my arms around her waist, bring her as close to me as possible and kiss her neck softly bringing her to waves of pleasure.

"Are you going to put it on me or what?" She asked, her voice trembling from how close I was to her.

Without saying a word, I glanced down at the necklace that been worn by the most important women to me, the women that I would spend eternity loving, the women no one could ever replace. My fingers grasped the chain gently as I ever so slowly and carefully set it around her neck similar to the time I had done it before. Elena's hands held up her mass of hair up on her head with only the odd strand running down her neck that her fingers were too small to carry. I undid the clasp slowly wanting to savour the moment where I were so close to Elena. My fingertips brushed against her neck sending shivers through both of our bodies. Once the necklace was around her neck, Elena picked up the pendant and stared it in wonder.

"I can't believe you are giving me this." She whispered. "Thank you."

"I want you to have it." I told her with a small smile on my lips, gazing it where the necklace rested just like it used to be.

Elena's breathing was soft and quiet compared to her usual breathing around me and from the sparkle in her eyes I could tell that she was fully content with me being her, with me giving her gifts. And, for just one moment it felt like everything was the way it was supposed to be. My lips were still curled in some sort of smile as I looked over to where Elena stood in front of me. How could you not smile when you were so close to the girl you loved? How could you not be happy with the time you were given with her?

"Thank you." Elena breathed again, her finger grazing over the rose and her eyes filled with several emotions. A new wave of emotion soon swept with a much more thoughtful and troubled gaze, her fingers graving over the necklace. Elena stared at the pendant for several moments before her all too familiar brown eyes met with mine with a look of determination and confidence. Her tooth had captured her bottom lip and she chewed on it mercilessly as her thoughts begun to consume her once again. Her eyes searched mine, they moved back and for as if they were watching a tennis match or reading book. We remained like that for several minutes just staring at each other as she tried to piece her thoughts together, neither of us daring to speak to interrupt her thoughts and for the first time in a while I had no idea what she was thinking.

"Damon?" She asked, snapping back in to reality. "I need to know. I need to remember." She nodded, swallowing thoughtfully. "I want to remember. I want to remember how much I loved you, our moments together and everything else in between. I want to remember what it felt like being yours. Can you do that for me? Can you make me remember? I want to remember."

* * *

><p><em><strong>I won't give up on us,<strong>_

_**Even if the skies get rough,**_

_**I'm giving you all my love,**_

_**I'm still looking up.**_

* * *

><p><strong>Well, what did you all think? I really hoped you enjoyed this and now the fun begins. More memories and Stefan drama next chapter! <strong>

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**Please review! It would be a pleasure to hear from you all and see what you thought. You have no idea how nervous I am about this chapter. **

**Thank you so much for taking the time to read. **

**Love Lauren (Aka MidnightGirl467) xXx **


	15. I'd Come For You

**Okay so I'm actually back with an update. My life has just been so busy lately and I lost inspiration but I promise you this story will get finished. I'm trying to do better. The song is I'd Come For You - Nickelback. I really hope you enjoy the chapter! **

**Thank you for all your reviews for this story! I can't believe I reached 50 that's just amazing and I want to thank each and every one of you that read this story that review, favourite and add it to their alerts. I want to thank those who tweet me about my stories because that means the world, it amazes me that you like something I created. So thank you so much! **

* * *

><p><em><strong>Time to be honest,<strong>_

_**This time I'm pleading,**_

_**Please don't dwell on It,**_

_**'Cause I didn't mean it**_

* * *

><p>"Elena you have no idea what you're asking!" I paced around the room for the fifth time now as Elena continued to demand me to compel her memories that I had stolen from her and replaced. "You're lost in the moment. What about Stefan?"<p>

I had been throwing her so many arguments as to why she shouldn't be doing this yet because she wasn't ready. Hell, I didn't even think I was ready for to know all this because I wasn't ready to let her go yet. It was entirely selfish of me not to want to do it but I didn't want to lose her again. I had already lost her once before and I wasn't sure if I could survive it the second time around. Yet as much as I didn't want her to remember there was a larger part of me that knew she had the right to remember but not only that I also wanted her to remember because then she had the option of choosing me. And, if she chose me then maybe we wouldn't have to hide in her family's Lake House wondering when Stefan was going to show up and rightly ignite a fight between the two of us but we could be in each other's arms, loving each other and catching up on the time we had missed with each other.

"Damon." Elena snapped, jumping up off the couch and walking towards me. Her bare feet pressing hard against the floor as she made her way towards me disbelief all over her face. She sighed exasperated, holding her hands in her hands before raising her brown eyes to meet mine. I gazed down at the floor ashamed at my actions because I should be more than willing to permit to her wishes but I just wanted her to be ready. I couldn't risk putting her through more pain at my own expense.

"I just want to make sure you're ready for this, Elena." I whispered, grasping her hands in my own. "I just want to make sure you're going to be okay."

"Damon," She laughed half-heartedly, her eyes glistening with unshed tears. "Have you not listened to a word that I have said? I want to remember. I need to remember. Even if I didn't want to I would have to because I don't want to remember a lie and live with this ache for the rest of my life. Please Damon, I need this."

Elena took her hands in mine and gazed up at me with those brown eyes that would no doubt be the death of me for they would make sure that I wouldn't deny her anything. She gave my hands a soft squeeze trying to comfort me and let me know that she did believe that she was making the right choice. I sighed in defeat, allowing myself to do the right thing for once.

"I'll do it." I whispered. "But please remember that I am not the same person anymore."

Elena sighed but still a smile remained on her lips and like always I couldn't help but mirror the smile on her face either. She walked towards me and her breathing started to accelerate once again, her heart racing in her chest threatening to burst as she took one step closer to me. How could I have this effect on her? Why did she even want me? I didn't doubt her affections for me but still even after all this time and everything we had been through I couldn't help but wonder why me? How could this beautiful angel in front of me actually want to be with me? How?

"Damon." She whispered, taking my face in her hands as she leaned up close to me.

I closed my eyes unable to look at her now that we were so close together but as my eyes slowly drifted shut I noticed that she did the same. One of her hands drew a path from my cheek to the back of my hair whilst the other remained on my cheek, igniting a fire as it did so. My arms without warning slid around her waist pulling her as close to me as to possible and she didn't pull away from me. Elena's breath was hot on my lips and her nose touched mine briefly, our skin burning from our close proximity. Her name was being chanted from my lips in nothing other than a pleading whisper like a dying man's prayer.

"I'll do anything for you." I told her honestly, my arms around tightening around her as though I was protecting her from something but really I wanted to protect her from something that was not in my control. All I had was to hope that she would come out of this as strong as ever.

"I know." She whispered, her hand softly pulling my head down to meet hers. Her brown eyes sparkling with love, glistening with hope and admiration and I couldn't believe it. Somehow I kept expecting her to push me away or for someone to wake me up from this because none of it seemed real to me.

"Elena, I-"

"Oh, I'm sorry, brother. Am I interrupting your declaration of love?" A voice that I had known all too well came from the door causing Elena to shriek in embarrassment and practically jump from me.

"Impeccable timing as ever, brother." I whispered, glaring at my brother who was leaning against the door frame with his arms folded across his chest.

Stefan snickered as he walked towards me, his leather clad arms swinging by his sides as though he was taking a calming stroll down the beach. He was wearing his black leather jacket with a navy blue shirt and jeans that seemed too lose for my brother's taste. Stefan's brown eyes were shining with something other than hatred for me but with a hint of something else that I couldn't quite put my finger on. His footsteps were quiet against the wooden floorboards, too quiet, much like a predator stalking his prey. Automatically, my fists clenched at my side as I pushed Elena behind me. I wouldn't let him hurt her.

"What do you want, Stefan?" I asked him through gritted teeth, our eyes meeting both of us thirsty to continue the fight that had finished too abruptly at the ball.

"Stefan, please." Elena pleaded from behind me, her voice weak and filled with guilt. "You just don't understand."

Stefan snickered at Elena's words and walked over to where my jacket rested on the sofa from where Elena had worn it last night. I was still dressed in my trousers from the ball but I had replaced the shirt with one of Elena's father's shirts whilst Elena had put the other to be washed. Stefan's eyes scanned over my jacket on the sofa and back up at me before his eyes retreated to Elena, his dark orbs burning with anger for the both of us. Elena hadn't done anything wrong. She was a victim of our love and she didn't need this above everything that she had figured out in the last few days.

"Stefan." I warned as his eyes were fixed on Elena getting ready for something that I didn't know which only made me more alert and in tune to my vampire senses.

"Don't understand." He mumbled under his breath whilst playing with his fingers, his eyes dropping from Elena and onto his hands. A small smirk was on his face as though he was in on some joke that Elena and I weren't. "I just don't understand. You're right. I don't understand how could you spend the last few nights with him, Elena. He's manipulating you just like he did with Katherine because he can't stand the fact that I'm the better brother, the one that everyone adored. I'm the one Katherine really loved after all, I'm the one father preferred, the one that Mother made you promise to protect with your life when she died and I'm also the one Elena really loves and you can't stand that, can you Damon?"

He was closer to us now, his eyes landing on mine once he had finished his perfectly laid out speech that he had no doubt wrote in his journal a thousand times. His smirk was still firm on his face and there was a sparkle in his eyes that he had already won. Stefan's words had been true. All of those things had happened between us and all of it was true but Stefan's was twisting them out of hatred, out of jealousy that I was the one with Elena right now and he wasn't.

"Elena," Stefan said sighing dramatically as he came to a halt a few steps away from me. "Do you really believe that he loves you for you?" He turned his head towards me. "I bet you weren't even here in Mystic Falls before I was plus I thought you wanted to free Katherine from the tomb. Was Elena just something for you to play with until you got the real thing? Did you stick around when you found out she wasn't in the tomb? Is that why you left Elena to go and find Katherine? I bet you only came back because Katherine didn't want you."

The anger started to build in my chest, rumbling and groaning inside me to break out and unleash its power on my brother. How dare he? How dare he think that could be true? He was putting thoughts in Elena's head. He wanted to turn her against me. But did she really believe him? After everything that I had said and confessed too, did she really believe I was capable of playing her like this? I glanced around at her and she was looking at me with curious filled eyes that held the smallest fragment of doubt but that's all I needed to charge towards Stefan.

I ran full speed ahead before wrapping my arms around his waist and grabbing him, and then throwing him outside onto the dirty road that surrounded the Lake House. I could hear Elena's footsteps follow me towards the door but I didn't turn around to face her because I couldn't bring myself to see the doubt in her eyes again. Only once had she ever looked at me like that and that was when I had left her standing outside the Grill, in the wind with her hair blowing as I told her to forget about me and everything else that we had shared. Only then had the doubt appeared in her eyes because she had doubted my feelings for her.

Stefan rose from the ground, blood dripping from a new cut on his face that was slowly healing but it was healing far too quickly for him to still be on animal blood. No, he was back on human blood. Sighing, I watched him stand hoping that he would get that the hint that he was no longer welcome, no longer welcome to poison Elena's mind and to try and destroy us. He wasn't welcome here.

"Brother, where's your hospitality?" Stefan whispered, his hand wiping away the falling blood from his lips.

"It left along with your humanity." I told him, sure in my head that he was officially back on human blood and back to the monster that always fought to control him whenever he let himself slip just a little.

"You know," Stefan whispered, his eyes shining with even more hatred. He took a step towards the door and I felt Elena flinch behind me and I could almost picture her brown eyes shining with worry as they took in the scene around her. Her feelings were conflicted much like her mind because what was she supposed to do in this situation when two brothers were fighting over? When one had been entirely selfish making you forget the love you wanted to remember and the one you had learned to love ever since his arrival to Mystic Falls who was now nothing more than a bloodthirsty vampire that you were the reason he had fell off the wagon? How could Elena pick a side when there was no right side?

"I know." I told him, watching him thoughtfully as I took a lazy step onto the gravel path that led to Elena's beloved Lake House. I felt her stiffen behind me when I stepped away from her breaking the close contact of our bodies, no longer standing protectively in front of her. However I could not simply stand in front of her whilst I waited for my brother to make a move on either of us I had to be a step ahead because I would not let him touch her. I would not let him hurt her.

Stefan smirked and nodded whilst his eyes roamed the floor searching for something. I followed his gaze but could not see anything on the floor other than dirt and fallen branches amongst the wet grass. Taking a step closer towards him I turned to have a quick glance at Elena who had tears in her eyes silently pleading for me to come back into the house, to come back and to not have this fight. Everything inside me that had been pushing me to have this fight with my brother seemed to lessen as I looked into her no longer peaceful eyes that were terrified to their very core.

"Please." She whimpered, holding her hand out towards me. "You won't win."

_You won't win. _She was right, it was very unlikely that I would win considering I hadn't fed since the night before the Lockwood's and Stefan was very high on human blood right now and he looked as though he had been over indulging in his diet. He would be stronger, faster and much like the predator that he had turned into all those years ago whilst my body was weak, begging me to feed and taste the sweet blood that lingered in the veins of those who lived in Mystic Falls. The funny thing was I hadn't even felt hungry up until this moment, I hadn't even felt like a vampire the last few nights with Elena. I had felt human.

"Don't show you're humanity, brother." Stefan whispered softly recalling my attention back to him. I whipped my body around from Elena and gazed at my brother who now possessed a long wooden stake in his hand, his fingers softly caressing the handle. A small smiled played on his classical Italian features but his eyes remained on the stake.

"You see," He continued. "This weapon could kill either you or Elena but of course it's much more lethal to you. It's a matter of whose life you want more than your own."

"You won't hurt her, Stefan." I told him, glaring at him but his eyes remained on the stake in his hands. "You love her that's the only reason you're doing this. You're hurt. You're hurt that I never told you about any of this and you're worried that this time the girl might actually chose me. Elena might actually want to be with me and you're terrified of that, you're scared that you will lose her. You don't want to do this because if you do this you will lose her and you know it."

Stefan chuckled and finally raised his eyes from the stake, taking a small step towards me before leaning to the left as if he was to go around me. I mirrored his actions which only caused him to laugh more and I knew that this time his humanity was far from gone, far from returning. He glanced between me and Elena and I had no idea what thoughts were running through his mind because his face showed nothing, absolutely nothing. There was no trace of emotion just the ever present smirk on his face that reminded me of a ghastly villain from one of the super hero movies.

"Elena, go inside." I told her with urgency, my eyes remaining fixed on my brother.

"No." She whispered. "I'm not leaving you."

If this had been other moment in my life and she had said those words I would feel happy, rejoiced and everything that seemed cliché to most but right now I just wanted to scream at her for being so stubborn. Couldn't she see I couldn't protect her if she was stood in the doorway watching us? Stefan never played fair in fights and if I had any chance at winning this I needed her to be safe, I needed to know that she was okay and not at risk of being hurt. Did she have to be so stubborn all the time? I sighed deeply not wanting to shout at her and just wanting her to listen to me.

"I can't be worried about your safety, Elena." I whispered, my head turning a fraction so I could see out of the corner of my eye. "Please, Elena just close the door and wait inside."

"No." She whispered again, her voice choking a little as she tried to get her words out. I sighed, the sooner this was over the better for all three of us. I hated seeing Elena so hurt because she didn't deserve to be crying right now, she didn't deserve to watch two people she cared about to kill each other and she didn't deserve to be put through this all time. No, what she did deserve was to smile because when she smiled she lit up the world, only then did her true beauty seem to radiate through the entire world. To me her smile was everything and I'm not talking about the little smile here and there, no I'm talking about that one particular smile, the one she saved for me. The one smile where she showed her teeth and her eyes shone with happiness, the smile where everything just seemed to stop for a moment, the smile that seemed to take my breath away every time she smiled at me. I loved being the reason for a smile just as much as I hated to be the reason she was crying and because of this I hated my brother right now.

"Pathetic." Stefan whispered, walking around in circles with the stake poised in his hands ready to strike. "You know Elena, I loved you but do you really want to know why I loved you so much because you looked like her. You were the perfect resemblance to the woman that I had lost when I was human. Every time I kissed you I thought of her, every time you moaned I thought of her and sometimes you even sounded like her." Stefan chuckled and now the anger was building once again inside me. How dare he compare Elena to Katherine? "Of course, Katherine was much better than you but still when you can't have the real thing you must settle for the closest thing as possible." He was taking a step closer towards her now but I blocked him once again. He wasn't going nowhere near her.

"I was starting to find out though that you weren't much like her. You weren't as fun as her, wasn't as up for an adventure like she was but with him you're more than up for it aren't you? Because Damon got to you the way he got to Katherine. He can't stand the fact that the girl he loves always loves me more than him and that our own father had been disappointed in him, disappointed in his elder son so much that he relied on his youngest son to carry in his footsteps. Shame. You've took everything from me, Damon and it is only fair that I take away the one thing you love so dearly; her."

All of it happened so fast, so unbelievable fast. One second Stefan was playing with the stake in his hands and the next he used his monstrous speed to get in front of me and straight to Elena, the stake ready to kill in his hands. The next thing I knew I was in front of Elena, her gasp loud in my ears and Stefan's eyes burning into mine as a tearing agonising pain rushed through me. The stake. My mouth opened and my eyes began to close sleepily but when I opened them again Stefan was no longer in front of me and all I could hear was Elena sobbing uncontrollably, begging me to stay awake and the stake was no longer inside me. Elena must have pulled it out during my black out.

"Why did you do that?" She asked, laying me down on the cold step as she couldn't lift me. Her brown eyes were flooded with tears whilst her hand caressed my cheek; her skin even now seemed to make me warmer and more alive than I ever had been.

"I couldn't let you die." I managed to choke, my voice hoarse and barely a whisper. "I will always protect you, Elena. No matter what I will always protect you because you mean more to me than my life. I lived too long, I wasn't supposed to live as long as this but I'm glad I did because I met you." I smiled, reaching out to grab her hand. "I met you. I met the love of my life, I met the most amazing girl with this beautiful smile, this amazing smile that only emphasises how beautiful you are. I love you with every single part of me, you make me good and I never felt something as strong as this before.

"Don't." She breathed, leaning her head against mine as she clutched my hand tightly in hers. "Don't say goodbye, you're going to be okay."

"Just in case I'm not." I smiled, turning very slowly to kiss the back of her hand. "I just need you to know that I would have done everything to make it up to you. What I did to you was wrong and you didn't deserve to live the lie that you've lived. I would have done anything to prove to you that I loved you more than anything else on this planet, I love you so…so much, Elena. I would fight for you. I would do anything for you. Nothing would have stopped me from protecting you tonight. I love you, Elena Marie Gilbert with everything that I have and I will love you as long as I'm breathing and even after that wherever I am I will always love you. You were the best decision that I ever made."

"Ssh." She whispered against my lips, her tears falling down her face still and I knew that I wasn't going to be okay. Despite the stake no longer inside me I could still feel the blood pouring out of me, there must still be splinters inside me but every time I tried to say the words to Elena the words just came out as a cough.

"Damon, you don't die on me, okay?" Elena sighed. "You don't die on me because I want to remember, I need to remember and you can't leave me. Damon, please, please don't leave me. I can't lose you. Damon, I – I love you. I love you so much."

A small smile formed on my lips as the darkness washed over me again but this time I didn't fight against it, I welcomed it because she loved me. She said the words I had been dying to hear for so long now. She loved me so I closed my eyes and let the darkness come over me. There was something that I needed to say, something about a diary but I couldn't remember. My eyes closed finally just as Elena screamed my name for what would probably be the last time.

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><p><em><strong>By now you'd know that I'd come for you<strong>_

_**No one but you, yes I'd come for you**_

_**But only if you told me to**_

_**And I'd fight for you**_

_**I'd lie, it's true**_

_**Give my life for you**_

_**You know I'd always come for you**_

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><p><strong>Okay so what did you think? I know all of you will be wondering why he didn't compel her there and then but all of that information will be explained in the next chapter! This chapter wasn't originally supposed to be like this but I am pleased with outcome. Do you think he will be okay?I know you have so many questions and they will be answered in the next chapter, I PROMISE! <strong>

**Next chapter Elena's POV!**

**THANK YOU FOR READING! YOU HAVE NO IDEA HOW MUCH I APPRECIATE THIS!**

**PLEASE REVIEW! **

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**Love Lauren, **

**xox**


	16. One Step Closer

**So college has slowly taken over my life and now that I'm on break I will finally update all of my stories and maybe get one of them finished. I can't apologise enough and thank you so much for sticking with me. I love you guys so much! Here's the chapter :) **

_**Song - A Thousand Years - Christina Perri **_

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><p><em><strong>I have died everyday waiting for you,<strong>_

_**Darling, don't be afraid I have loved you,**_

_**For a thousand years,**_

_**I'll love you for a thousand more**_

* * *

><p>I loved him. I actually told him I loved him. A small laughter erupted from my throat causing my two best friends to gaze at me curiously, their curls whipping in the air as their faces turned around to face me. This wasn't a humorous matter, far from it actually because the man I loved was currently still breathing, still alive but was still unconscious. The smile from my words were still on his face and his hand was still in mine but we were no longer on the step outside the Lake House we were currently in my bed, well he was I was simply sat next to him whilst Bonnie and Caroline were sat on arm chairs in the corner of the room, both of them looking rather sceptical at Damon's sleeping figure in the bed.<p>

As soon as Damon had passed out and I couldn't get him awake I called Bonnie and Caroline, who conveniently for me, were both together and they came rushing to me. Caroline had detected the reminder of the splinters inside of his chest and Bonnie had managed to do a spell that had kept him alive just long enough for her to do it. Caroline had insisted that I give him some of my blood because that's what he needed to wake up now so I ran inside, my body still high on adrenaline; I cut my wrist and forced it into his mouth. To me blood sharing had always been something sacred between two people and I knew Damon would be furious when he woke that he hadn't been able to remember the moment. I smiled; he was going to wake up.

"What did he say to you other than his declaration of love?" Bonnie asked from the corner of the room. "Didn't he try to compel you to remember? You know, it could have been his last moments and he didn't even try to make you remember? I thought that was the whole point of this."

"He was dying, Bonnie." I told her for what felt like the millionth time because right now I didn't care that I still didn't remember because all I cared about was that he would come back, that Damon would live because I just couldn't lose him. "He told me that he loved me and that he was willing to do whatever he could to make it right but I could see the light going out of his eyes. I could see him struggling to stay alive. He didn't have the energy to compel me. Besides I don't want to remember if he isn't here."

It was right, I didn't want to remember if he wasn't here to help me and share it with me. Why would I want to remember something that would only make losing him that much worse than before? Why would I want to put myself through all that again? Because losing him now would be bad enough, losing him now would cause me so much pain that I didn't think I could bear. We had always had a connection and maybe my heart had never stopped loving him and I just didn't realise but I did realise that I loved him now. I couldn't lose him not now, not ever.

"Elena…" Caroline whispered sympathetically, giving a Bonnie a look from the corner eye causing Bonnie to apologise.

"He was going to let me remember. " I said, talking once more because the silence was deafening. "We were talking about it just before Stefan came in and he was going to let me. I was going to remember."

"And you will." Caroline said, nodding slowly. "He's going to wake up, Elena. He isn't dead, okay? He is okay. Damon is okay."

Tears were slowly flowing down my cheeks as I crushed Damon's hand with my own. I just needed him to wake up because until he did Caroline's words were not comforting. Even if Caroline was a vampire and could hear his vampire heart beating I didn't trust her judgement after all she hadn't even been a vampire that long herself. My hand was sweaty and clammy but I refused to let go of Damon ever since we had managed to carry him upstairs on the bed because I moved or let his hand go I felt like I was one step closer into losing him forever. I couldn't lose him. I couldn't lose him when he had been so close into finally being together, for me to finally feel whole again. I would not lose him.

There was a moment of silence in the room once again and I could feel their worried stares on my skin, waiting for me to react to Damon just lying in a bed with blood still on his shirt from where Stefan had tried to kill him. The memory flashed in my mind, I had seen Stefan coming towards me with a hungry predator look in his eyes and the stake held in his hands. My eyes had closed because I didn't want that to be the last memory I had before I died instead memories of the last two days had entered my mind; Damon and I kissing, holding hands, sleeping in the same bed together and waking up together, his smile. Yes, his smile was the last thing that I had pictured before I heard a soft groan from Damon's lips.

Wait?

Did Damon just groan?

My eyes opened wider and my hands clutched his tighter threatening to break the bones in his hand. I tilted my head to the side just as Damon seemed to mirror the action another groan escaping his lips. Somewhere in the background I heard Caroline jump up from her seat and shriek 'he's awake' but she seemed too far away for me to even make a comment. All I could concentrate on was the man lying in the bed in front of me, droplets of sweat flowing down his body and forehead with the odd splashes of blood on his clothing and skin. Even though Damon looked like he had just escaped a bloody battle, well he kind of did, he was still gorgeous but most importantly he was still alive.

Alive.

Damon was alive.

"Elena…" He breathed so softly that I almost didn't hear it.

"I'm here." I whispered back, my hands running up and down his arms whilst the tears escaped me. "I'm right here, Damon."

"Elena." He coughed but there was a ghost of a smile on his lips, and I was vaguely aware of Caroline and Bonnie leaving the room and closing the door behind them.

"Damon." I breathed for what felt like the first time all night. He was alive. Damon was alive and that was all that mattered to me.

"Are you okay?" He asked hurriedly, his blue eyes that held a thousand secrets searching over my body. "Stefan, he-"

"He's gone. He left right after he…right after he staked you." The words felt like a lie because there was no way Stefan could be capable of something like that but my perception of him had been wrong. He was completely capable of staking his brother whilst threatening his ex-girlfriend before running for the hills.

"He left?" Damon asked, raising his eyebrows in confusion and pushing himself up against the headboard. He shook his head when I leaned into rearrange the pillows for him but I ignored him and tilted the pillows against the headboard so they were more comfortable for him.

"He left." I confirmed. "He vanished."

There was a moment of silence between us because neither of us knew what to talk about next. Did we talk more about Stefan? Did we talk more about my memories? Did we talk about what he wanted to tell me before he slipped into unconsciousness? Or there was the final option; did we talk about how I had told him I loved him? There were a million things to stay to each other but as I looked into his blue eyes I found myself thinking that whatever we needed to talk about could wait because he was alive. Damon was here with me, staring back at me like I was the most prized possession of the planet. And right now, that was enough.

"He's hurt." Damon sighed, closing his eyes and leaning back into the pillow. "I betrayed him. I fell in love with his girl."

I shook my head, gripping his hand tighter in mine. I could feel my heart racing in my chest. Ever since I had found out about mine and Damon's past he done all the great speeches that declared his feelings for me over and over again. Sure, I had done a few but that had been when I was unsure and unaware that even with Damon being a vampire we never really knew how much time we had left together. Now, I was sure of what I felt for the man that loved me with all his heart, the one that had almost gave his life to save mine.

"Damon, I'm not his girl." I whispered. "I've never been Stefan's girl, why can't you see that? Why can't you see that I have always been yours? He has never ever been you. Damon, I'm yours. I don't belong with Stefan, I belong with you. I am yours."

"Mine." Damon mumbled, as if he was chewing over the fact of me actually being with him and what I was saying. He smiled lazily, his blue eyes staring into mine and I smiled back at him because it was true I had never been with Stefan, not really. Something had always pulled me towards Damon, something was always there telling me I was missing someone and it was him. It had been Damon all this time.

"I don't know if you remember what I said to you before you blacked out. You were lying in my arms and you were trying to tell me something but I told you something that I should have said before now. I shouldn't have waited this long to tell you this because you deserved to know. It probably should have been done in more romantic epic setting where we could kiss and not done with you dying –"

"Elena?" Damon whispered, squeezing my hand softly.

"Yeah?"

"You're rambling…" He smiled sweetly and a wave of blush swept over my cheeks.

"What I am trying to say is that I love you." I whispered softly, a small laugh escaping my lips in disbelief. Had it really taking me this long to stay it?

"Elena-" Damon said, his smile now turning into a frown and I just knew that he was going to tell him me that I wasn't sure and that I didn't remember. I sighed, didn't he understand? I loved him. I always loved him.

"No, Damon I need to say this and you need to hear it so do not try and stop me. I love you, I am so in love with you. You have been the missing part of me and I don't care that I don't remember because that's the past, this is the future. This is us, here and now. I know that I will remember someday so I'm not going to spend time worrying that my feelings will change because of that, this is real. I love you, I need you to know that I love you." I let out a breath that I felt I had been holding for over a year. It was like someone had thrown the load off my shoulders and was letting me breathe for the first time, letting me fully understand everything that was in front of me.

Damon's lips turned into a grin, the wrinkles forming around his eyes as they sparkled immensely. His dark blue eyes pierced mine, the blue lights swimming around his pupils and the light shining with happiness. Seeing his smiling appearance in front of me just made me mirror his smile, my teeth shining in between my lips. I felt his hand curl harder around mine as he squeezed my hand causing my heart to jump a little in my chest. It was strange how much a simple touch from him could cause my heart to flutter in my chest. It was truly remarkable the effect that he had on me and I knew that no one else would ever make me feel this way. No one could make me feel like this, no one.

"I love you too." He said quietly and it was like someone had flicked a switch in the room and everything had suddenly turned very tense between us. I could feel his eyes drifting to my lips and I knew that subconsciously I was doing the same, staring at his lips and picturing how they would taste against my own. I swallowed thickly in my throat, leaning slowly towards Damon who was still sat up against the pillow, his eyes focused on me. My tongue swept across my bottom lip and Damon's spare hand moved to rest on my arm, my flesh tingling underneath it. His hand slowly brushed up my arm, the other still holding my own. His tender hand came to rest on my next causing everything inside me to burn with need and want. Ever so slowly Damon leaned in towards me, our lips inches apart now. His eyes were searching mine now wondering whether or not I was going to pull back.

"Damon," I practically begged. "Please."

That was all he needed, the confirmation to finally crash our lips together in desperation and love. His hands soon became tangled up in my hair, forcing my lips on his whilst my hand rested on his hip and the other crawling underneath his shirt. This wasn't just love and lust, it was everything mixed into one big indescribable emotion. It was loving him, it was the fear of almost losing him and the relief of him waking up again. It was me missing him all this time and remembering all the love that I had ever felt. It was everything about him and the effect that he had on me. It was Damon Salvatore.

"Elena," Damon mumbled against my lips. "Elena, we-"

I silenced him by kissing him again not wanting to stop and not caring that this was probably not the best time to be kissing him and touching him in a way that felt familiar but still so brand new. Damon ignored my attempts to continue kissing him and by demonstrating his self-control placed on his hands on my shoulders and very gently pushed me away. I felt the blush creep on my cheeks as I slowly opened my eyes to meet his and our breathing slowly returned to its normal pace. The spell had hit us again, demanding me succumb to the desire we were feeling towards each other but I slowly gripped the sheets. No, I couldn't. We couldn't.

"Wow," Damon breathed. "Oh, that was…"

"Amazing?"

"Yeah."

We both stared at each other, smirking as we looked each other and knowing the effect that we both had on one another. It was so powerful and consuming that neither of us had control over what we felt for each other. It was completely surreal but I knew that I wouldn't change a single thing about the time we had spent together. Damon slowly slid his hand across the bed, wrapped his hand around my own and nodded slowly as though he could tell what I was thinking. I smiled back at him, wondering how I had managed all this time without him by side and I knew the desire and love would only grow when I had remembered the time we had spent together.

"Elena, we can't." He smiled, his other hand softly stroking my leg. "We can't as much as I want to, we can't do this yet. As much as I want you and love you I want you to remember what we had first, I need you to know before anything else can happen between us. I know you say you love me but I just want to make sure because I can't go all the way with you right now just in case you change your mind. I couldn't deal with that, Elena. I can't deal with having you again just to lose you."

"Damon-"

"Elena," He smiled but his eyes shone with determination. "It's my turn to talk, okay? I just I love you so much and last night when I thought I was dying I was trying to tell you something. I had always hoped and prayed that if somehow I would tell you that we had been together before you and Stefan then I wanted it to have been me. I didn't want you to find out from someone else but knowing that I have very few friends and three times as much enemies I wrote down something that could help you remember. You know you always keep a diary? Well, you did when we were together and you had your own photos that once again I took from you, to protect you but still it was done in the wrong way, I was going to tell you where they were. In the diary, there is a page on the back cover where I left a message for you just in case that something had happened to me and I couldn't tell you. So, I made sure that you knew after she became a vampire that Caroline could inform you and take the compulsion away if you really wanted to remember."

All of it was hard to process and I could feel the lines on my forehead forming, my lips turning from a smile into a confused and puzzled frown. I felt him squeeze my hand softly as he gazed upon me with those blue eyes that were filled with love, hope and doubt. He had actually planned this? Had he really planned all this? He had actually thought through all of this so even death he would try and find a way to let me know that at some point I had loved him more than anything else in the world. I shook my head, it was a lot to take in but I didn't want to focus on the past all I wanted to focus on was here and now. All I wanted was to be with him.

"Where is this diary now?" I asked. "Because I would really like to read it before you compel me."

Damon nodded thoughtfully before answering. "It's in the Boarding House, in my room, it was in the drawer just underneath from where you found the necklace."

"Okay."

I didn't know what else to say, I didn't know what else to do but the thought of having a diary with all these memories in with me and Damon comforted me slightly. Of course it would be like reading a book but hopefully it would spark some sort of recognition within me that would help when I actually remembered. At least I wouldn't be going into this blind anymore. I could read every single memory before actually remembering. I smiled, the excitement flowing around my body.

"I need to get it." I simply said, staring at Damon with a small smile on my face.

"No. You can't. What if Stefan is there? I can't let you go alone." He said, staring at me with that mad look in eyes that suggested I shouldn't cross him. "I'll go."

Before I could say anything else, the bedroom door swung open and I almost forget that Caroline and Bonnie were still here. Caroline stood in the doorway, her arms folded across her chest as she glanced at me and Damon. She smiled as she gazed down at our hands but Bonnie look as though she had just witnessed two people doing inappropriate things in a public place.

"I'll go." Caroline said. "Bonnie can come with me. Stefan won't stand a chance against us plus Damon you're not well enough to go anywhere."

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><p>By the time, Caroline and Bonnie had come back they had returned with the diary and had informed us that Stefan had not been at the house but all of his things had been cleared out of his room and that he left a letter addressed to me and Damon downstairs. They had handed me the letter whilst Damon had gone back to sleep and suggested that whilst he rested I should read the dairy because it would be unfair to read Stefan's letter without him. They both hugged me before leaving the Lake House and going back home to where they would no doubt be waiting to hear from me.<p>

I clutched the diary tight in my hands, the soft black leather case brushing against the palms of my hand, the piece of ribbon hanging from the halfway point in the book. There was something about this diary that felt familiar in my hands but there it was like something I had just bought from one of the stores in town. For me, right now it held no specific memory or anything else that I could place in my head. All I had was that feeling that I had around Damon that there was something there, something nagging in the back of my head drawing me to the book inside my hand.

My body fell into the nearest chair by the fireplace, the flames seducing me with their warmth as I curled my legs up by the side of me. The diary was still in my hands and still waiting for me to open it and bury myself in the memories of my past, my actual past. My fingertips slowly slide down the cover of the diary and my heart started beating faster in my chest. What would be like to read this? Would it spark any recognition in me or would just be like reading one of your favourite novels where you have some sort of connection to the main character? I didn't know but it could only help with me remembering everything that Damon and I had shared and it would make the process of compelling me to remember less overwhelming than what it should be. My fingers tucked into the hard cover and flipped it over, a page of my handwriting now capturing my eye.

"Time to fall into wonderland, Alice." I muttered, smiling at my literature reference and at how much I had started to become like Damon with his comments.

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><p><em><strong>Time stands still,<strong>_

_**Beauty in all she is,**_

_**I will be brave,**_

_**I will not let anything take away,**_

_**What's standing in front of me,**_

_**Every breath,**_

_**Every hour has come to this,**_

_**One step closer**_

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><p><strong>So we're on step closer to Elena finally remembering! There's not much left to this story but Damon didn't die! I couldn't kill him, I think the story works better with them both alive because they have already had a hard time. Anyway there's only like 34 chapters left! I really hoped you liked it. Please review! **

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**lauren :)**


	17. These Memories Come Back To Life

**So here's the next chapter! I really hoped you liked it but please forgive me because I wrote this whilst being sick so if it's awful, I apologise. The song was picked by bey0ndforever on Twitter because I was struggling to pick one for this chapter in particular. You should really follow her! AMAZING ACCOUNT! **

**Song is Goodbye - Miley Cyrus **

**Enjoy the chapter you flawless beautiful people! x**

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><p><em><strong>I can honestly say you've been on my mind<strong>_

_**Since I woke up today, up today**_

_**I look at your photograph all the time**_

_**These memories come back to life**_

_**And I don't mind**_

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><p><em>Dear Diary, <em>

_ Today was weird. I met someone. I actually met someone that wasn't from Mystic Falls, well apparently he was but I certainly can't remember him and believe me he has a face you wouldn't forget. Originally, I had planned a girl's night out with Care and Bonnie that included underage drinking because we knew Matt would serve us. The girls had spotted him immediately had said he was a 'hottie' but you could only see the back of his head? Okay it was a pretty good back of a head but still! _

_ Anyway, I ordered drinks and he grabbed my arm offering me to sit with him and have a drink. Usually, I would walk away which I did because I never go for guys that are so much older than me. I am only 17! Despite my original plan I had managed to find myself going back at the bar to sit with him. I even flirted! It was probably disastrous but I don't even care. Oh, I don't even know what's wrong with me. He, Damon, just made me feel so brand new and alive. I didn't feel like the little girl that everyone adored because they thought she was perfect. I was just some normal girl, a normal teenager flirting with the guy that she liked. _

_ Damon and I stayed at the Grill for the most of the night and then when Caroline said we had to go, I had said 'goodbye' and he looked at me with those blue eyes and kissed me on the lips. It wasn't a proper kiss but it was just soft brush of his lips against mine and I could feel myself crumble. His lips had set a fire burning through my body and all I wanted to do was for him to kiss me again… and again… and again… and again. After we pulled away I could feel Matt, Caroline and Bonnie staring at me waiting for what I would do next so I simply said 'see you around, Damon'. And then, he said very cheekily 'I plan to' which caused everything inside me to flutter. What is it about him? _

_ I have to go, Caroline wants to know about me and Damon and you can't keep her waiting. I'll keep you informed on me and Damon. _

_Love, _

_Elena. _

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><p>I smiled at myself. I had behaved like nothing other than simple minded teenage girl that had a school crush, the thought made me laugh. Isn't it strange how life works? How you can go from having a stupid school girl crush on someone to them becoming your passionate love that you thought only existed in stories? Damon had been the one to show interest in me from the start, for some reason this thought seemed to startle me. Somehow, whenever I had pictured the first meeting of Damon and I, it was always him that made the first move and that I hated him but I was the one flirting with him too.<p>

"You got it then?" Damon asked, his head peering over my shoulder.

"Yeah…"I smiled, turning to face him. "I sound like a pathetic school girl. How and why was you interested in me?"

"Because you weren't like the rest." He said, kissing me softly on the cheek. "Even at that moment in the bar I just wanted to know you for you. If it had been someone else I probably would have done something completely inappropriate."

I chose not to think about what Damon would have done to another person because for one reason it created a pit of jealousy deep within my stomach and second of all it made me think of highly inappropriate things that I wanted us to do right now. I smiled up at him and rested the back of my head on his collarbone, breathing in the smell of him as he placed one arm on each side of the chair, completely encircling me in his arms. I closed the diary shut and set it back on my lap.

"How are you feeling?" I asked, tilted my head to gaze up into his abnormally beautiful blue eyes.

"Good, I'm feeling good." Damon smiled the wrinkles around his eyes forming and his blue eyes shining like Christmas lights you saw wrapped around a tree or a lamp post during winter. "Just need to get this blood off me." He continued to smile whilst holding up the hem of his shirt.

It was only now that I noticed that Damon was wearing the same shirt that was covered in blood by his heart, a perfect circle of red. The thick red liquid was splashed upon his shirt like an artist had painted it to create the perfect circle of blood around his heart. If it hadn't been for the mass of red on his shirt then it would be otherwise clean there was only the occasional dirt mark that could hardly be noticed due to the dark colour of it. The blood, however, was a significant mark to what Damon and I had been through, it marked Stefan's…

"Stefan." I whispered out loud, remembering what Caroline and Bonnie had said. "Caroline and Bonnie said that Stefan wasn't in the house. His belongings and everything was packed up and gone. But he did leave this behind for us. I haven't opened it yet I was waiting for you." My hand clutched the letter, a piece of paper folded into two, and held it up for him to take but Damon just stared at it though he was a starving vampire and I was holding a bottle of warm fresh blood in my hand. The letter had _Damon and Elena _scrawled upon it in an old fashioned handwriting, Stefan's handwriting.

"You read it. All he wants to say to me is that he wants to apologise for almost killing me." Damon raised his eyebrows, gave me a soft smile before turning around. "I'm going to go shower."

"There's some shirts in my Dad's room that you can have." I smiled at him, knowing that he was ignoring what had happened between him and his brother.

Damon didn't say anything and just made his way upstairs without saying anything. It was clear that Damon wasn't ready to say goodbye to his brother despite everything that had happened between them and all the differences they shared, he still wasn't ready to have a life without his brother in it. By ignoring Stefan's departure then he was allowing himself to pretend that it wasn't really happening and that Stefan would come back. Damon just needed to talk about it. It wouldn't do him any good to keep everything locked up inside of him. Didn't he get that I was here for him? Sighing, I unfolded the letter and wondered how Stefan was going to redeem himself for what he done to Damon and what he tried to do to me with only words.

* * *

><p><em>Damon, <em>

_ The first half of this letter is addressed to you. I ask you for forgiveness for what I have done to you. I ask for forgiveness for thinking wrong of you and thinking you had bad intentions. You loved her first as hard it is to admit it to myself and truthfully, you would be fool to let her slip through your fingers for the second time brother. _

_ I am glad you are alive and well and that Caroline and Bonnie was able to save you from the pain that I had caused you. Yes, I stayed in the woods hearing what the girls were saying in the room and then I heard you wake and I knew you would be okay so I left. When I was listening it was made pretty clear to me that Elena shares your feelings so I am happy for you both. _

_ I just need to time to heal my wounds and to make sure that I can control my blood lust and my anger. _

_ Until we meet again, _

_Your brother, Stefan_

_Elena, _

_ I cannot even begin to imagine what you what must think of me. I am sorry for what I have and how I have behaved. I should not have tried to harm you or my brother. I cannot give you an excuse for what I have done but I will wish you happiness with my brother because you deserve happiness and love, Elena. I am sorry that this more of a note than a letter but it's just so much harder to write because my feelings for you, Elena and they haven't changed despite my words about Katherine. I am sorry, those words were chosen to hurt you. I need time to become myself again and then maybe with time you and I could be friends. Maybe. _

_Stefan _

* * *

><p>Though the letter didn't convey every single emotion he was feeling like hurt, pain, jealousy, betrayal but it did show what Stefan (the Stefan I knew) did best, his self-righteousness and certain amount of selflessness that everyone had loved about him. These were the qualities that the majority of my friends thought that only Stefan possessed and that Damon had no redeeming qualities about him whatsoever but they didn't know him like I did. I closed my eyes and breathed, my mind drifting back to Stefan. He had been right. He needed time just like the rest of us to process all the information and everything that happened because it was a lot to take in.<p>

I could hear the showering running upstairs and for a moment my mind wandered to something, something extremely far too tempting. What would Damon look like naked in the shower? What had we been like? What had I been like during it all? The weird part about all of this, the bit that made me smile, was that subconsciously I already knew what it been like to sleep with Damon and to touch him according to his reckless teasing about the subject.

There was also so many other questions that lingered in my mind that I couldn't wait to find out the answers too. How did he pursue me? Did he ask me on a date? How did that conversation go? Where did he take me? What had our first kiss been like? What had our first time been like? What had driven Damon to finally end things between us and to use such drastic measures to do so? All of the answers were in the book in front of me. All of the feelings I had ever had for Damon were written amongst these pages and so was the letter from Damon that he had wrote just in case he had died and never had the chance to tell me. Everything was in the diary in front of me so opening it back up to where I left off I jumped back into the past I never knew I had.

* * *

><p><em>Dear Diary, <em>

_ Today I saw Damon! He was driving past me on my way to school and offered me a ride which despite my better judgement, I took. I asked him to drop me off around the corner which he did with that gorgeous smirk of his that just makes my heart jump in my chest. When I got out of the car, he smiled at me and kissed my hand and handing me a piece of paper with his address on it but I can't go over his house. Can I? No, I can't it wouldn't be right. I barely know him. I asked the girls when I got to school and Caroline totally thinks that I should but Bonnie is completely against the idea so I promised I wouldn't go over there. _

_ I think Damon may have guessed that his invitation to his house was a bit extreme considering we only met last night because when I finished school, I walked around the corner and he was there again. Damon offered me a ride home and apologised for being so abrupt this morning and that I didn't need to come over his house. He gave me that dazzling smirk when he dropped me off at my house and said 'see you around, Elena' and I really hope I do. _

_ Love,_

_ Elena _

* * *

><p>I skipped a few pages when I realised that Damon's name was hardly being mentioned and when I did write about him all I could say was that I missed him or that I was sad we hadn't had a chance to talk to more. I flicked through page after page until I seen Damon's name again where I had seen him for the first time in weeks.<p>

* * *

><p><em>Dear Diary, <em>

_ Today I saw him, Damon, again for the first time in over a week. He was wearing his black leather jacket, black shirt and black jeans when he got out of his blue Camaro like a movie star. We, Aunt Jenna and I, were actually in the grocery store wearing our lazy day clothing so you can only imagine how we looked. I saw him getting out of his car from the huge glass windows hat overlooked the parking lot by the checkout point. _

_ I blushed, actually blushed, when he got out of the car and his eyes gazed over at me with an intense look that could only belong to someone like him. His eyes landed on mine and for a second he smiled but there was something different about it. I don't know maybe, I'm paranoid but there was something different. It felt weird for him to look at me like that, like I had done something to him that had completely changed him. _

_ Luckily for me, Jenna was too busy glancing at the chocolates to realise he was staring and that would have raised way too many questions for my parents… _

* * *

><p>"Ah, the day that I saw you for the first time in over a week." Damon smiled, leaning over my shoulder causing me to jump and for the diary to snap shut in my lap.<p>

"Damon." I breathed, closing my eyes and taking a deep breath.

"Sorry." He grinned, and I couldn't help but smile back. Ever since he had woke up this morning he hadn't stopped smiling. There was always a ghost of a smile on his face. He was happy and seeing him like this so happy and carefree only made me feel the same.

"I remember looking at you and everything inside me just stopped for a moment because all I had done during that week was think about you constantly. It was there that I realised there was something different about you and that you wasn't just some girl that I had met in the bar. I think subconsciously I realised it when I met you after school and cancelled the invitation to my house. It was weird." Damon shook his head, glancing at the floor. "I had never thought about that before. I had always left the invitation open until you. When it came to you, I just wanted it to be different._ I_ wanted to be different."

I smiled at his words and I could feel my heart soar in my chest. Even back then he had cared about me, even when he thought he couldn't love or wasn't capable of being human, he had cared about me. Damon had always cared about me. Still smiling, my hand grasped his, the connection sending shivers to us both. I slowly looked up to meet his gaze and as our eyes met briefly he smiled back at me, the wrinkles around his eyes forming once again. I leaned back, my head on his chest as I closed my eyes and just welcomed him and the comfort he brought me.

How many times had I done this before?

I let out a sight and pulled away from Damon, it was such a weird feeling to know that I had done something similar before but to think of it like it was the first time. I tossed the blanket and diary to the side causing them to slide off the chair and land on the floor with a soft thud. How many of these moments had there been that I had shared with Damon these last few days and not realised that I had done them before? How many times had this actually happened?

"Are you okay?" Damon asked, his voice filled with concern as he stood up with me.

"I'm just tired of not being able to remember." I shook my head, my fingers running through my hair as I paced back and forth on the same spot. How many times? Did I really want to keep going on like this?

"Diary not helping?" He frowned, already knowing the answer as he walked towards me with his arms outstretched.

"Nope." I whispered before running into his arms and clinging to him desperately, my head resting on his chest. "I just hoped that the diary would help me trigger something or just recollect something but it doesn't. I recognise that's me and my handwriting but it as far as I know it could be someone else living those memories entirely."

Damon sighed and kissed the top of my head, his fingers softly caressing my hair. It was more than comforting having his arms around me, it felt right. Truthfully, it felt like home. I never felt like I had belonged in someone else's arms before and literally meaning it, we just seemed to fit. I breathed in his scent and he was truly intoxicating, he was something else entirely. But I would already know that, I would already know what it felt like to be in his arms without a care in the world.

"That's it," I whispered into his chest, pulling back a little to meet his confused eyes. "I can't live like this anymore. You were going to take the compulsion away so can you just do it now? I want to do it now."

For a moment, Damon looked taken back and shocked by what I had said I wanted. He clearly wasn't expecting me to say something like that or anything like it. What else did he want me to say? I couldn't do this anymore. After a few seconds his eyes lost their wideness and he was softly rubbing his hand up and down my back, a reassuring gesture. I let out a breath that I felt like I had been holding ever since I had found out about me and Damon. This was actually going to happen. I was going to remember and nothing was going to come between us this time.

"Will it hurt?" I asked, tilting my head to get a better look at him and unable to hide how nervous I was.

"I'm not sure." He said honestly. "If it does it will only be for a second and I'm going to be right here the entire time. You won't be on your own for this. I'll be with you." He smiled softly before wrapping me up in his arms again.

I nodded incoherently and took a step back from him just needing to clear my head for a second. I could do this. I had wanted this and yes, everything was going to change now but I wanted this. I needed to do this because I couldn't take another day without knowing what it had been like. Once this was over and really over then it would be better. Everything would be better.

"Elena," Damon breathed, grasping the sides of my arms and staring me in the eyes. "I'm going to be right here."

"Right here." I whispered, smiling at him and loving the idea of him being with me. There was something about the way he was looking at me with his passionate and intense eyes that just made me want to kiss him so I did, a soft kiss but a kiss nevertheless. I pulled away from him and stood directly in front of him leaving him slightly dazed.

"I'm ready."

Damon nodded, taking a step towards me and placed a hand on either side of my face. His eyes were filled with tears and I knew he was remembering the last time he done this to me. The time that had left us both broken but had taken until now to realise just how much we needed each other and how much we actually cared for each other…how much we loved each other. I swallowed in my throat, my breathing all over the place because Damon was so close to me but I couldn't think of that right now. Right now I just had to focus on remembering and let my mind be free, empty from everything else that was going on around me.

"Elena, you're to remember the night outside the Grill when I had arrived late." Damon swallowed in his throat, remembering that night was too much for him and I felt selfish for asking him to do this and for him to relive it all over again. "You're going to remember that you waited for me outside, you're going to remember everything that I told you to forget that night. Everything about us that I told you to forget I want you to remember, Elena." His thumb brushed my cheek as I felt myself being pulled into a transcending daze. "It's time for you to remember."

"It's time for me to remember." I repeated, staring back at him aimlessly and then there it was.

It was like a wall had come down in my head and there was an endless flood of memories of me and Damon pouring through the barrier. I felt my knees hit the floor beneath me but I was hardly aware of anything else in this moment. All I could think about was the memories; it was like they were happening right in front of me. Damon and I meeting for the first time in the bar, the way he flirted with me endlessly and then seeing him the next day and how excited I had been. I could see him asking me out in the Grill, a nervous look on his face as he asked me out on the date. He had picked me up then had taken to me Pierre's, then all of sudden he was kissing me on the porch and then we were back at Pierre's. Then we were in the boarding house and I was asking him to make love to me. Then he was arguing with me, telling me he wasn't good enough and then there was another time but we were still fighting. All it was a passionate and intense mix of loving each other and pushing each other to be someone we weren't yet, someone we wasn't going to grow into until we were apart. Then came the night where he told me to forget everything. I screamed out loud as my heart felt like it was being ripped from chest and crushed all at the same. It was the only memory that I had seen that I wish I hadn't seen, the amount of pain I felt was horrendous.

"Elena!" Damon screamed, wrapping his arms around me tight and sitting me on his lap. "Elena, please. Elena?"

"I remember." I barely breathed my voice weak and the darkness over taking me with each time I tried to remember another memory. I opened my eyes and gazed up at him, smiling to him. "Damon, I remember."

Then the darkness won and washed him away.

* * *

><p><em><strong>I remember when we kissed<strong>_

_**I still feel it on my lips**_

_**The time that you danced with me**_

_**With no music playing**_

_**But I remember those simple things**_

_**I remember 'til I cry**_

_**But the one thing I wish I'd forget**_

_**The memory I wanna forget**_

_**Is goodbye**_

* * *

><p><strong>So the moment you have all been waiting for! AHHHHH! So the next chapter is actually going to be the last chapter! I know it's awful! I can't believe it. But if you want me to do an epilogue for you guys I will. Anyway thank you so much for taking the time out to read this chapter. Please review! <strong>

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**love, **

**lauren xxx**


	18. Let Me Be Your Love

**Well, this is going to be the last chapter ever of Just A Memory and I want to thank every single one of you who reviewed, tweeted and put this story on alerts and favourite because you make me smile every time you do. I love you all so much and your dedication to this story has been more than I could ask for. I can't thank you enough!**

**The song is Trading Yesterday - May I **

**One more thing I will be writing an epilogue! WOOOP! All of you wanted one and I have the perfect one in mind so I am going to do it and hopefully have it posted sooner rather than later. **

**I can't thank you all enough , thank you!**

* * *

><p><em><strong>All I want is to keep you safe from the cold...<strong>_

_**to give you all that your heart needs the most.**_

_**Let me raise you up**_

_**Let me be your love**_

* * *

><p>The love of my life was limp in my arms. Her brown hair was covering her face and her eyes were closed looking as though she was in a deep slumber but no, by my own selfishness she had been overwhelmed by the memories, the memories that I had taken away from her. I sighed; all this had been my fault. I brushed the hair out of her face and kissed her softly on the lips, the soft brush of lips against lips and held her tighter in my arms. The soft sound of her heart beating at the normal pace was the only comfort that I had in me that she was going to wake up soon and that she was going to be okay. Well, okay as a person can be who remembered her past that her so called love of her life had taken from her.<p>

"I'm so sorry, Elena." I breathed against her forehead, picking her up in my arms as her head was pressed against the crook of my neck. All of this had been my fault because I hadn't done the right thing in the first place. I should have walked away from her, I should have never have pursued her. I shouldn't have done this to her. It wasn't right.

I sat down on the couch, the small fireplace crackling in the corner of the room. I held her in my arms and stared at the flames, admiring the way they would dance together and then join as one. There was a small breath against my throat and my body went rigid in my arms. Is this what she had felt like when I had woken up this morning after being staked by my own brother? She coughed against me and then there her arms reached around my neck and pulled me closer to her, my heart racing against my chest.

"Damon," She breathed, her lips touching my neck ever so lightly. I turned my head slowly not wanting to push her away or frighten her anyway. Our noses met and I could feel her breathing get faster, I could feel the goose bumps on her arms through her t-shirt and I could feel her heart pound against her chest against my own rebounding heart.

"Elena," I whispered back, my head tilting to the side. She was here in my arms, the girl I loved was in my arms, and all of her memories were back. I could almost feel the tears try to push through the barrier but I didn't let them through. I couldn't let her think I was upset about this because in truth I had never felt happier. I had never been happier than right now in this moment.

"I remember." She whispered against my lips, her breath hot and mixing with mine. Her one hand was slowly brushing against the back of my neck and meeting with the bottom strands of my hair. My one hand was resting on her hip, my thumb brushing soft circles against her shirt that creased with every wipe whilst the other was pressing on her back so her chest was pressed up against mine.

"I know." I smiled, still whispering because speaking too loudly wouldn't seem right for this moment between us. We needed it to be tender, to actually be worth something and we were so close to each other that we didn't need to speak loud. I closed my eyes remembering what my mother used to say that sometimes a whisper can hold so much more power than a shout. She had been right.

"It doesn't change anything." She said, arching her back and placing her other hand on my cheek. "I've never felt like this before. I love you, Damon."

I didn't say anything. I didn't know what to say. So we remained like that, our lips almost touching, our bodies one tangled pile of limbs, not quite knowing what to do with the close proximity. Her touch was sending my body on fire with the smallest and gentlest of touches, the connection between us burning and a grin spreading across both of our faces. How did I get here? How was this even possible after everything that I have done? Her smile grew as she came closer to me, a small gasp coming from her lips and I couldn't help but widen my own smile. How do you not smile when the love of your life is back in your arms despite everything that you've done? How can you not feel blessed? Even in my wildest of dreams I never would have thought she would be here with her arms around me and all of her memories back. The very idea of it had seemed too good to be true yet here we were.

"I remember everything about us." She whispered, almost as if she couldn't believe it herself. Her hands were now on my cheek, caressing me softly. "I love you so much."

"Elena," I swallowed thickly in my throat, my body tingling. "I need to know what you are choosing because right now all I can think about is touching you." I whispered, my thumb brushing ever so slightly over her hip. "Kissing you." My lips grazed against hers and I could feel her melting against me. "I want to make love to you, Elena. I want to be with you in every way that I can."

Elena didn't say anything but she leaned forward, her eyes wide open and staring into mine. Ever since any of this had happened all we had used was words to describe how we really felt, random blissful kisses at times, but we had never shown each other what we was feeling. The way Elena was looking at me right now described exactly what she was feeling, her eyes were filled with longing, love, desperation, lust, and the same emotions I knew were being shown in my own eyes. Still I needed her to say it to fully comprehend what was happening and what this could possibly mean for the both of us. I couldn't handle losing her again. Also, I didn't want to push her.

"Damon," She whispered, her voice holding the stubborn and determined tone that I loved hearing in her voice, it showed she was strong. "I want you, always and forever, okay? I can't go back to a life without you."

"You don't have to."

And, actually the prolonged distance between us was cut short. My lips desperately found hers, crashing against each other, my heart soaring in my chest at her being in my arms again, an emotion that I thought I would never be able to feel again. Hands were grasping whatever they could, the burning desire to just touch each other overwhelming us. It had been too long since this had happened. It had just been too long away from loving her.

"Elena," I mouthed against her lips before making a sweet trial of kisses down her neck, causing her to arch her body into me. "Upstairs."

She nodded sharply.

"Upstairs."

* * *

><p>After a few hours, we woke up and headed downstairs, the soft crackle of the fire softened as the flames descended. There was the odd piece of clothing scattered in random places that caused a smug smirk to appear on my lips and giggle to emerge from Elena's. Her hand was in mine, her body wrapped in my black buttoned up shirt that could never look so good on someone else. My chest was bare for all I had on was my black jeans, my hair ruffled and messy from her pulling and tugging.<p>

"I'm so glad I remember." Elena smiled at me. "I have never been so happy."

"Me either." I gently squeezed her hand as we both came to an abrupt spot in the centre of the room, the heat of the fire on our bare skin.

Elena's smile widened and she wrapped her arms around my neck, her eyes shining with adoration and love and it caused funny things to happen to my heart. I had never been like this before. I had never felt like this about anyone. I had never been so happy to just surround myself with one person not even with Katherine. I had never felt like this about anyone. There was no doubt in my mind that I had made the right choice by coming back to Mystic Falls and for Elena to finally find out the truth about everything that had happened between us.

"What does this mean?" Elena asked, her voice filled with concern as her brown eyes met with mine.

"It means that I am never ever letting you go again." I wrapped my arms around her waist and tugged her closer to me causing her to smile. "It means that we are going to spend the rest of our lives together and that I am always going to be by your side because I am not letting you go again. I'm not that much of an idiot."

Laughing, Elena kissed me before pulling away causing me to groan. I could see her eyes rest upon something behind me. I turned around following her gaze and my eyes rested on the black velvet diary that had held every memory that I had once took away from her but ones that she now remembered. I sighed, the diary bringing back painful memories of being without her and unknowingly my eyes seemed to look everywhere in the room other than at her. The nagging voice inside me once again telling me that I wasn't good enough for her and that I never would be.

After a few more moments, my eyes landed on her again and everything inside me tightened a little. She ran her fingers around the front of the cover and smiled sadly before turning it over in her hands. She lifted the diary up before opening it, the ribbon falling out over the edge of the cover. What was she doing? Did she want to remember the moments in the diary? I watched her carefully and she flipped through the pages of the diary, she was clearly looking for something. But what? As her hand flattened against the last few pages, her index finger pointing at the top line, everything inside me came to a halt as she began to read out loud.

"Dear Elena, the love of my life. You were the only person that saw the good in me, the only person that thought I was more than a monster when I didn't believe it myself. You were the only person in my life including my brother that actually tried to stay with me and encouraged me to the better man. And, the best thing was that you didn't give up on me and that's also one of the things that hurt the most because I didn't see it through. I gave up on myself when you had no intention of doing that and so I did something completely ridiculous.

I compelled you to forget me and everything that we had shared but you probably know that if you've already read the diary. But I write this letter to you because I needed you to know why I did what I did. So here it goes, I left you because I was giving myself way too much credit I thought I was no good for you and that I couldn't be the person that you wanted me to be. I couldn't be the better man and now I realise that by leaving you was the first step in becoming the 'better man.' Leaving you was the worst thing I have ever done and each day seeing you so happy and so content with my brother makes it so much harder to tell you because I don't want to end your happiness with him. There are even some moments when I think you two belong together but then I remember us and I can't help but think we were better, we were passionate and everything that both of us had ever wanted. Maybe that is wishful thinking but even in death that is what I will believe.

I love you, Elena Gilbert and nothing will ever stop me from loving you. And, if I am not here for you to speak to about this and you wish to get your memories back then there is one person that you can go to; Caroline. Caroline can remember and she can override the compulsion if you want her to but it will take great strength and it won't be easy. It's selfish of me to be jealous over the idea of Caroline giving you back the memories that you shared with me but it is what I chose for you." Elena sniffled, her brown doe eyes turning to me with a soft smile as she walked closer still reading out loud. "I chose this for the both of us. It was incredibly selfish but you have to know that I was only thinking I was doing the best for you."

I closed my eyes because I could remember what came next and it was my big declaration of love for her and the future that I had wanted for the both of us, it was my big confession. I walked closer to her and held her hand on the diary, my fingertips brushing against the soft scrawl of my own handwriting. Our eyes met and she leaned her head against my own just like we had done only a few hours ago.

"Just remember that the only reason I did this was to give you the future that you deserved, the life you had dreamed about for as long as you could remember. I wanted you to be able to go to the writing school in New York. I wanted you to become a journalist. I wanted you to have a husband, kids and the white picket fence. I wanted all of that for you. So that is why I feel incredibly selfish when I think of the future that we could have had together because in that I would have been happy but I am not entirely sure you would have been because you wouldn't have the children, you wouldn't be able to be a writer." I swallowed in my throat before continuing.

"If I had stayed, if I had tried a bit harder then maybe we wouldn't be worlds apart right now. Maybe we could have the future where you tell me that you want to be with me forever and become a vampire and then we would fight because I wouldn't want to wish this curse on you. Then you would win because there is nothing I could ever deny you but I would make you wait because despite what I said earlier I would make you go to the writers school, I would help you become a journalist and write your own novels because that is one dream that I refuse to take away from you. Then when you came back I would turn you as wished me to do and after a while I would ask you to marry me so then I could be with you forever in every way that I could. Hopefully, in my eyes, you would say yes and we would live forever like this just blissfully happy."

"Damon-"Elena interrupted but I shook my head.

"It's not finished yet." I told her, pointing down to the last paragraph of the letter. "I know this cannot happen now because I doubt I could ever tell you the truth and it kills me that I am still that man. I need you to know that you are the best influence on me and that no matter what you will always be the best thing that has happened to me. I love you and the memories in this diary will be the ones that I will look back on and think of with nothing but love and regret, regret that I let you go when we could have had more. You made me the better man.

P.S There's a necklace and an old photo of the both of us in a drawer in my room, Caroline knows. Never forget how much I love you and how much I hated myself for leaving you. Damon." I said bringing the letter to its end. I smiled at her softly and she smiled back at me, her face shimmering with tears.

"You thought of our future?" She asked, looking up into my eyes. "And you loved me that much to put everything else that I wanted above what you wanted?"

I nodded and wrapped my arms around her waist just feeling the overwhelming need to be close to her. I remembered writing those words and thinking that I would never have the chance to hold her and be with her again. I never thought that I would have a second chance.

"I am not condoning what you did because taking my memories was wrong." She nodded. "But I understand why you did it and the reasons why you did it wasn't selfish, Damon. You were being selfless when you compelled me to forget, I know it doesn't seem like it but it was. It was selfless. You just wanted me to have the best shot despite how much pain it caused you."

I didn't have time to process her words before she was ripping out the pages that the letter was on in the diary and putting them down on the armchair next to her. She picked up the diary in her hands flicking through the pages before disentangling herself from me and started walking towards the fire. Elena turned around and outstretched her hand, the flames descending into nothing. My feet took the necessary steps towards her and I took her hand, the curiosity of what she was doing burning through my veins.

"This diary holds every memory that I wrote down because I was scared that you was going to do exactly what you did, I was scared that I was going to forget everything so I wrote it down in more detail when I found out what you were." She pursed her lips. "The thing is I don't need this diary anymore because it holds all of our old memories, ones that I am not likely to forget anytime soon. I am not going to forget what I feel for you and all those moments that we shared. I love you so.." She gave the diary one last look before tossing it into the fire and I stared at open mouthed. What was she doing? I went to reach into the fire to pick up the diary that the flames were slowly twisting into burnt ash causing them to grow and burn brighter than they ever did before.

"New memories, Damon." She said, grabbing my arm and turning me to face her. Elena smiled up at me and I was wrong before, I had never seen her so content and happy than I had done in this moment. "Let's not keep going back to the past just to say the same things over and over again. I am done with that now. We made mistakes and now we move on. We make new memories."

"To new memories." I grinned, my heart bursting against my ribcage at how happy I felt.

My arms pressed her closer to me and kept her prisoner so she couldn't move. I leaned in towards her and crashed my lips against hers. She giggled against my lips as her hands rested in my hair and on my neck whilst mine stayed on her back, pressing her closer to me. I smiled against her lips because she was right. We had spent too long looking back at the memories that we had made before and didn't bother to think about the memories we were making together now. We couldn't keep looking back, we had to look ahead and to all the new things that would come to us. Our past was just memories but the future was a new diary, a new chapter in our lives and it was time for us to start living it together.

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><p><strong>May I hold you<strong>

**as you fall to sleep,**

**when the world is closing in**

**and you can't breathe.**

**May I love you.**

**May I be your shield.**

**When no one can be found**

**may I lay you down.**

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><p><strong>I hoped you liked it and please review! Only the epilogue to go now, ahhh! I will be writing more stories and I have started writing ones called Summer Love, Gilbert's Anatomy (yeah I know :P ) and Darling Don't Give Up On Me Yet. I will be posting one of these when I have finished the majority of the ones I write now so keep looking!<strong>

**twitter: iansgrande / xolaurenjade ( I'm always on iansgrande) **

**tumblr: aprincesstothepublic **

**instagram: xolaurenjade**

**Love you all so much, **

**Lauren xox**


	19. I'll Never Stop (Epilogue)

_So here it is the final update ever of Just A Memory and I just want to thank you all for everything that you have done within regard to this story. Thank you for adding it to your favourites and alerts! Thank you for standing by me and my lack of updates! Thank you for reviewing it but most importantly thank you for taking the time out and reading the story because that means the world to me. THANK YOU!_

_This story was one of the first ideas I had for TVD fanfiction and I love it. It's still one of my favourites because you can see how my writing has improved as time as go on. Most importantly, I love that you guys love the story that I came up with for Damon and Elena. _

_This is the epilogue of Just A Memory and this took me forever to actually write and structure the perfect idea for. I had different endings but this one seemed the most realistic and a good ending to their story. I hope you like it!_

_The song is Never Stop by Safetysuit ( Wedding Version) _

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><p><em><strong>This is my love song to you<strong>_

_**Let every woman know I'm yours**_

_**So you can fall asleep each night, babe**_

_**And know I'm dreaming of you more**_

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><p>It had been several years (ten years to be exact) since Elena and I were given a second chance and those years had been the most blissful years of my life, the happiest years of my entire existence. During the first two years of us being together she had finished high school and had moved away to New York with Caroline and Bonnie, who was doing a drama major and Bonnie was at medical school. At first we tried the long distance thing because she had wanted me to keep an eye on everything in Mystic Falls but nothing out of the ordinary was happening so by Christmas time, Elena and I was sneaking around her college campus, going to parties and having dates like any other couple would do. And, just like I had predicted within in her second of year of writing school she had asked me to turn her but I told her she would have to wait until she had finished and completed her education. I didn't break my promise, I turned her on the day of our anniversary of when she remembered everything and when our time together really began.<p>

Now here we were back in the Salvatore Boarding House that had become our home with Stefan back in the family. However, when Stefan did return it wasn't as pleasant as me and Elena would have hoped as he brought back someone that both of us would gladly murder. Katherine Pierce. Stefan had brought back his long lost love and manipulative psychopath lover back to Mystic Falls, back into our homes. There had been fights and yelling but eventually, we had managed to live together without the fights and threats. Surprisingly both Elena and I were okay with Katherine living in the house because she made Stefan happy and that was all that mattered to both of us. We had also managed to forgive everything that Stefan had done to the both of us and decided that the best thing to do was to move on.

The air was fresh and warm, the smell of early summer surrounding me as I lifted the boot of my car. My girlfriend was back in the house making sure that she had everything for tonight and for the rest of the weekend. This was our anniversary of when we first met, a date that we celebrated because it was where everything had officially started for us. It was the day that I first saw back in the Grill and we had drinks and talked all night. Elena knew the date but she didn't see it as our official anniversary because she believed that our first date at Pierre's should be counted as our official anniversary.

"Is everything set?" My brother asked coming out of the house with a suitcase in each hand, I could see the silhouettes of Katherine and Elena talking backing the house. I shook my head, their friendship did really freak me out at times but not as much as her relationship with my brother did.

"Yeah," I told him with an appreciative nod at his concern before taking the suitcases off him and tossing them into the back of the car. "We're going to the Grill tonight and then back to her family's lake house for the weekend."

"So tonight is definitely the night you're going to-"

"Ssh." I told him with wide eyes getting ready to hit him if I had to. Sometimes Stefan forgot that Elena had vampire hearing and I couldn't allow him to slip up today.

Stefan shrugged and turned to look back at the house as Katherine and Elena walked out laughing at something that Katherine had said. I raised my eyebrows curiously at Elena who didn't seem to notice me so I turned to face Stefan who was sharing the same confused expression as me. He shrugged and went up to Katherine, kissing her on the cheek which made everything inside me shiver. Elena gave me warning look from the corner of her eye before saying goodbye to Stefan and Katherine.

"I'll see you in a few days." Elena smiled, pulling Stefan into a tight hug whilst Katherine and I just stared at each other, there was no way I was saying goodbye to her.

"Come on Damon, aren't you going to say goodbye?" Katherine teased, her hand on her hip.

"Nope." I grinned back at her before opening the passenger's door. "Not even if I was dying."

Elena laughed but Stefan gave me a look that suggested I should stop being horrible to the love of his life but I shrugged and turned away from them. None of them mattered today. No, today and the rest of the weekend was about Elena and I being in our own little bubble and not having to worry about anybody else for a while. I had even managed to convince Caroline to stay away from us which is a pretty big accomplishment. The next few days would be about us and us only. I didn't care about anything else. I just needed this weekend to be perfect.

Elena climbed into the front seat after kissing me on the cheek and muttering a thank you against my skin. She turned around to wave goodbye to Stefan and Katherine as I walked around the front of the car. I winked goodbye at my brother and his bitch of a girlfriend before getting the car. My foot slid onto the pedal as I slotted the keys into ignition, the engine roaring to life as the, hopefully, best weekend of my life began.

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><p>"Where are you taking me?" Elena asked as we drove along the familiar roads to Mystic Falls and back into the centre of town. "I thought we were staying in the lake house all weekend."<p>

"It's a surprise, Elena." I told her, shaking my head as though I was annoyed at her enthusiasm but really I just found it adorable how excited she would get whenever I would take her somewhere and she didn't know where she was going. The funny thing was, however, this time she had been to the place a million times before with and without me but it was one of the most iconic settings of our relationship.

The sign 'Mystic Grill' flashed up ahead and everything inside me just seemed to be on fire with nerves, my fingers shaking ever so slightly against the steering wheel. I prayed that Elena wouldn't notice. I could see the lights were off and there was a strange glow coming from inside. Please, please, please tell me that Caroline had stuck to the plan and hadn't changed everything completely. This had to be perfect for Elena and this had to be perfect for the both of us. I sighed, I really hoped she hadn't changed the plan. I stopped the car just outside the Grill and Elena stared at me, her brown doe eyes shimmering with curiosity.

"Damon, why are we at the Grill?" She asked, fiddling with the top of her dress. "I'm completely overdressed for this."

She had curled her hair into soft waves before we had left and it streamed just past her shoulders. Her nails had been polished and manicured the day before so they were still glistening in the light and her make-up was done just right. Her dress came to just about her knees, the gold material moulded against her skin and it was covered in glitter causing her to light up like the angel she was born to be. The dress dipped low at her cleavage and if it been any other moment the dress would probably be coming off right about now.

"You'll see." I smiled but everything inside me was so nervous. I didn't know why I was so nervous about this it wasn't as if she was going to say no, was it?

Elena stared at me before nodding and I got out of the car making sure that my black shirt was tucked into my trousers all the way. The night air was cool against my face and for a moment I breathed it in, welcoming nature for the first time in a long while. My fingers curled around the door handle, the cold metal brushing against my skin, as I opened it to let out the angel of my life from the car. Elena smiled at me as I took her hand but I could tell that her guard was up and that I was creating her to be suspicious. I smiled as I led her towards the building where we first met, so far everything was going great.

The wind whistled causing Elena's hair to blow around her face and I couldn't help but snicker at her trying to stop the wind from messing up her hair. It was bizarre to me that even after all these years she seemed to believe that if her hair wasn't styled perfectly then she wouldn't look perfect but to me it was completely the opposite. Elena was constantly looking perfect but it was when her hair was slightly messy and she had no make-up was when she was most beautiful, the most perfect because it was entirely her and not cosmetics. I loved everything about her so much. She was truly an angel, my angel. Even now, after ten years of being together I couldn't quite understand how the most beautiful creature loved me.

"Damon, are you okay?" She grinned, her thumb drawing circles on the back of my hand.

"Yeah," I grinned. "But I am going to need you to close your eyes."

"Okay." She laughed. "I'm only doing this because I trust you."

"Just close your eyes."

Elena obliged, a grin on her face as I took her hand and opened the door to the Grill. The soft smell of smoke and scented candle wax swirled around the air and I quickly closed the door behind us. There was a table in the middle of the room and all of the other tables had been moved up against the wall, I had to thank Caroline when I saw her next for doing this for me. The table had three candles lit, the flames tangling and twisting into each other, growing larger and larger. The white table cloth that hung itself over the table was as pure as Elena's soul, a soul that still managed to stay clean even as a vampire and being in love with me. There was a vase of white and lilac lilies on the table, the water steady as a predator stalking its prey. Petals of all varieties of flowers lay scattered around the flower and made no noise as we followed their pathway. A pathway that led to the very spot where I had first saw Elena, to the very same spot at the bar where we first met, outside to where I had compelled her to forget everything that we had ever shared and then to the table but it would be outside where I would do the most important thing in my entire existence. I had made sure that we had parked around the corner so you couldn't quite see what was waiting for her outside.

I placed my hands on her hips and carefully led her to the doorway from the toilets, it wasn't the most romantic place to begin a proposal but it had been this very spot that I had first laid eyes on the girl that had changed my life. I placed my hands over her eyes to make sure that she wasn't sneaking a look because I wanted all of this to be a surprise. Her heart was beating loudly in her chest despite the fact that she no longer needed to use it but that was one of the greatest things about her because even as a vampire she was still human. She was still the same Elena. She was still my angel, my creature of perfection.

"Elena," I whispered against her ear. "I'm going to let you go now but I'm going to need you to keep your eyes closed until I say so, okay?"

She nodded against my hands.

"Promise?" I asked, slowly taking my hands away from her.

"I promise."

Reassured, I took the step backs and walked back to the doors, the spot where I had first saw her for the first time and I softly patted my pocket and smiled when I felt the soft curl of the ring. I breathed in and out, checking around the room and making sure that everything was in place. The flowers, the tables, the dinner and all I had to do were to call the waiters and they would be here as soon as they could. I run my hands down my legs and gazed back at Elena, the love of my life. I could do this. I was ready to do this.

"You can open them now." I told her softly and my grin widened as she opened her eyes completely shocked, her eyes shimmering with tears of happiness.

"This is what you do for our ten year anniversary?" She asked in disbelief, shaking her head but smiling all at the same time. No, Elena this is what I do when I propose to you.

"Right now, you are stood in the exact same spot where I saw you for the very first time and where I realised that you were the most attractive person I had ever seen. No, I wasn't attracted to you because of Katherine. I knew immediately that you weren't her and that you were so much more than her. I saw this light just emit from every inch of you and I thought at first you were this angel, this creature that had been sent to save me and with time I realised you were everything that I had originally thought. When I first saw you all I could think about was asking you to talk to me, to drink with me because I just had this incredible urge to get to know you. I had to know who the girl was with the most amazing smile." I smiled at her and I could see she was about to walk towards me but I just raised my hand, gesturing for her to stay put. "I have never looked at someone before and felt so much at one moment. You completely overwhelmed me because I hadn't felt anything for such a long time but you awakened me. At first, I didn't understand and just blamed it on hunger but it was more than that. It was so much more."

I took a deep breath before walking up to her and encircling my arms around her. She wiped her eyes with her hand and leaned her forehead against mine. She licked her lips something I found she did whenever she was on the urge of crying. I wiped her tears from her eyes softly as our eyes met.

"I love you so much, Elena." I told her before taking her hand and leading over to the bar. I sat down on the seat and pulled her in between my legs, our hands still together and never separating.

"It was by here at this very spot that I had by some miracle had the chance to talk to you and for a split second I thought you were going to decline my offer. However, I am cocky and I knew that you were going to turn around. "We both laughed. "But talking to you that night just made everything in my life slowly become about you. I wanted more and more of you, so soon everything in my life centred on you but I was terrified of what you was making me feel. I was terrified of what was happening between us. I was terrified of not being deserving of you." I stood up, kissing her softly on the mouth before following the pathway of petals outside. "I was so scared of losing you and not being good enough for you so…"

We reached outside, the cool night air hitting us and causing Elena's hair to blow around her face once more. There was a bouquet of flowers on the edge of the pavement with the word 'Elena' wrote across it in big red lettering and Elena squealed next to me before letting go of my hand and running over to pick up the flowers. She held the flowers in her hand and brought them to her nose, her eyes closing as she breathed in their scent. She tilted her head, smiling as she looked at me as though I was the only that mattered in her entire universe, as if I was the centre that was holding everything together for her. She held the flowers in one hand as I walked closer towards her, my feet softly pressing against the concrete, the ring in my pocket burning through my trousers with every step. My hands fell on her arms, brushing up and down as if somehow by comforting her I was comforting myself.

"It was at this spot where I thought letting you go and making you forget would be the best thing for us, more importantly for you. It was by here that I made the biggest mistake of my life. I almost lost you out of my own stupidity and I promise you, I will never make that mistake again. I never want to lose you again, Elena. I couldn't live through it this time if I lost you. You are my life. You are the only reason that I am who I am today. You brought me back, the real me." I dropped to the floor on one knee and quickly grasped the ring causing Elena to cover her mouth with her spare hand. I smiled up at her, nothing had ever felt so right than this right here. "I know we already have forever together and that my blood flows in your veins because I was the one to turn you. It's not enough for me. I want to be bound to you forever. I also want to give you something that you always wanted, a husband. You are the light in the dark. You are the good that completely destroys the darkest parts in me. You are my angel and I want to be your husband. I want to make you happy forever. Will you let me do that? Will you marry me and give me the pleasure of being my wife?"

I let out the breath that I had been holding in and looked up at Elena, who had tears running down her face and her hands were clutching the flowers absent mindedly like nothing except us mattered. She swallowed and nodded slowly, dropping the flowers without even realising as she dropped to her knees too. She put her hands on either side of my face, her brown eyes shining underneath the street lights and casting a glow over her perfect olive skin.

"Yes." She breathed. "I will marry you."

"Thank God." I sighed, smiling and sliding the ring onto her finger.

I wrapped my arms around her and slowly stood up, picking her up and holding her tight to my chest. She had said yes. She wanted to marry me. I kissed the top of her head as my fingers caressed the strands of her hair. This was the happiest time of my life. I had never been the type to get married. I had never wanted it until Elena had come along, until she walked into my life. She was everything. I kissed her softly on the lips, my arms now sliding down to circle her waist. I could spend forever with her like this just being with her.

We stayed like that for what felt like hours but I had known for it to be only a few minutes, just holding each other and kissing each other until I remembered about dinner. I smiled, pulling away from her which only caused her to raise her eyebrows at me. I gestured with my head towards the Grill as I picked up the flowers from where she had dropped them, handing them back to her smirking because the next time she would have a bouquet of flowers in her hands would be when she was walking down the aisle.

"Let's get you inside." I said, taking her inside and following the pathway of flowers back to the Grill and back to where it all really begun.

"We're getting married, Damon." Elena squealed, jumping in front of me.

"We're getting married." I confirmed smiling back at her.

* * *

><p><em><strong>You're always hoping that we make it<strong>_

_**You always wanna keep my gaze**_

_**Well, you're the only one I see**_

_**And that's the one thing that won't change**_

_**I will never stop tryin'**_

_**I will never stop watchin' as you leave**_

_**I will never stop losing my breath**_

_**Every time I see you lookin' back at me**_

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><p>"It's now or never." My best friend in the entire world and one of my best men, not traditional but I couldn't choose between Stefan and Ric because both of them had been there for me in so many ways when I didn't deserve to have anyone by my side.<p>

"It's now or never." I repeated, rubbing my hands together as I stared ahead of me, ignoring the looks of everyone behind me. I didn't want to see them. I didn't want to see the looks on their faces as they still thought after all this time that Elena was choosing to marry the wrong brother. It was absurd because I had never seen Elena more alive, happier than I had seen when she was with me. She was stronger because she's a natural born fighter but I was there for her too. I could finally see that we were good for each other however it was a miracle that the most beautiful woman on earth had chosen me after everything I had done. It was unbelievable.

The music started playing and everything inside me went faster, my heart hammering against my rib cage, the blood gushing through my veins. Everything was burning with anticipation to see Elena walking down the aisle in her beautiful gown waiting to be with me forever. I hadn't seen her for two days because Caroline had insisted on taking her out for two days for a bachelorette party which was typical Caroline. Elena told me that had had fun though, she had called me completely wasted and talking about how much fun it had been and that she still had a high tolerance when it came to alcohol.

Footsteps. The sound of her heels clapping against the floor slowly grew louder, her feet moving to the soft beat of the music. I could hear the crowd gasp at the sight of her and I knew that I had to keep looking forward and wait till she was standing next to me before my eyes finally took in every inch of beauty that was her. It was the proper thing to do to keep looking ahead. It was something I had been told from a young boy but even as a young boy I had never done the proper thing so being me, naturally, I turned around to look at the most magnificent woman in the entire world.

For a moment all I could see was the three bridesmaids Katherine, Bonnie and Caroline all dressed in the palest of blue matching the decorations around the old church. The only reason Katherine was bridesmaid was because Elena figured she had to ask her considering she was in relationship with Stefan. All of them were wearing the same pale blue dress with pleats on the bodice and the skirt seemed to glide across the floor. Katherine had her hair in its natural curls with only the minority of it pinned to the top of her head. She gave a smile at my brother who was beaming at the side of me. Bonnie had her piled up on her head with a blue flower placed delicately at the side and she glanced at Jeremy who gave her wink in return. Caroline looked beautiful with her hair in soft waves and before smiling at Klaus she smiled at me knowing that right behind her in white was the love of my life.

"Wow." I gasped out loud causing Caroline to smirk and for my two best men to stare at me but I couldn't help my uncontrollable outburst because the love of my life was walking towards me, ready to be together in every way that we could possibly be, ready to be my wife.

She was gorgeous. She looked like an angel that had just fell from heaven, there just seemed to be a glow around her that was dazzling. Her hands were firmly wrapped around the bouquet of flowers that she was holding and she smiled at me, those brown eyes filled with love. Her hair was braided around the front and curled around her head, held in place by several white pins but the rest of her hair was wavy and cascaded down her back. The dress was perfect. The bodice of her dress was a sweetheart cut and had patterns of lace flowing down where the skirt begun and where the dress seemed to get bigger much like the dresses that women used to wear back in the 19th century. She looked like a goddess. Honestly, there were no words to describe how magnificently beautiful she looked. I could hardly structure a sentence.

"You're staring," She grinned taking that extra step closer as I held my hand out for her to join me by the alter, the place I had constantly thought of the last few days because I knew this would be the very spot where I would finally be able to see her again.

"You're making it very hard not to," I grinned back at her. "Not even the word perfect is good enough to describe the way you look right now."

She smiled at me from beneath her eyelashes looking like the young seventeen year old girl that I had met in the Mystic Grill all those years ago and even now she still had that innocent gleam in her eyes that still showed that no matter what she still saw the good in people and still would be embarrassed when someone complimented her which I do all the time. She grasped my hand tightly and I knew that she was holding her breath, scared that everyone was staring at her. I squeezed her hand in attempt to reassure and her eyes met mine, her lips forming that perfect grin she always seemed to save for me.

"Dear beloved, we gathered here today…" The Vicar started his speech but I wasn't paying attention to the words he said, well, the slightest bit of attention because I needed to know when to say my vows but all I could focus my attention on was Elena. She looked beautiful, remarkably beautiful and I knew looking at her right now that I wasn't going to forget it. I would never forget how her eyes were sparkling with admiration and excitement as she stared at me. I wouldn't forget that she had the slightest curve in her lips that showed she was trying to hide the beaming grin that she knew was fighting to be seen. Most importantly, I just wouldn't forget every little thing about Elena in this very moment.

There was a brief moment of silence and Elena's eyes were wide with worry like they always were when something wasn't going right. I grinned back at her and held both of her hands in mine and the soft drone of the Vicar's voice had finally ended. It was my turn to speak now. It was my turn. Ignoring the pressured stares of everyone else in the building I focused on the brown doe innocent eyes in front of me, the ones that always shined with that ever present light.

"Elena," I chuckled softly. "I remember meeting you for the very first time in the Grill with your two best friends and at the time I thought no one could change me but I had been wrong. Up until that very moment I had been surrounded by darkness and then I saw you with that beautiful smile walk through the doors of the toilet and all of sudden, my life was filled with light. I was falling for you with every minute that I spent with you and every time we were apart I missed you with every inch of me. I was terrified that the demons surrounding me would eventually surround you and I couldn't allow myself to destroy that light in you. I couldn't. So foolishly, I let you go and it was the biggest mistake in my life."

Elena's eyes were slowly filing with tears and I knew mine was too because whenever I thought about my life without Elena in it, it just wasn't a life that I wanted to lead. It had been the worst pain imaginable living without her. I squeezed her hand softly and smiled at her causing her to choke out a little laugh.

"And then, I realised my mistake but you seemed happy with your life and I didn't want to ruin your happiness because all I have ever wanted is for you to be happy. You are stubborn and feisty; it's one of the things that I love about you. So naturally, you found out everything about me once again and you told me that you had felt the same about me. You had missed me too. It had destroyed me not being with you. The day that you chose me again, chose to love me again, I vowed that I would let you go again as long as you loved me. The thing is Elena Gilbert, you are my life. And, I stand here in front of you today promising that I will never stop loving you. I promise that you loving me back is something I will never get used to because you are an angel. You constantly bring this light in my life and I need it. I need you."

My voice was breaking and I knew that I couldn't cry in front of all these people because they would mock me for the rest of my life. I held a breath and took a step closer to Elena, to the love of my life. She was crying now but the smile was still on her face just like it always was and will be from now on.

"I love you, Elena. I will love you forever and ever. I promise you that I will always love you and treat you the way you deserved to be treated. I will never stop loving you and I can't wait to spend the rest of my life with you, forever."

I let out a breath that I felt that I been holding for my entire life. Elena shook her head at me in disbelief and sighed. I burst into the biggest grin in my life because now it was her turn to tell me how she felt and hearing her say that she loved me was the most precious that I could listen to in my entire life. I would never get tired of hearing that girl that I loved felt the same about me. It was so beautifully bizarre.

"Damon," Elena swallowed, clutching my hands as though she would collapse without them to hold her up for support. "I met you and there was just this pull to you. It was surreal. I had never felt anything like it before in my life. It was crazy. It was this understanding between us that no one else seemed to understand. I remember meeting you for the first time and you got in my head, under my skin and I just couldn't stop thinking about you at all. You just seemed to be everywhere. You were this mysterious guy that had this danger vibe going on but that's not really you. Yes, you do crazy stuff but you're not a bad guy despite what you think and if you make a mistake, I won't stop loving you. I love you for the crazy impulsive wonderful amazing guy that you are."

"You told me that I was this light in your life but you made me feel alive. You brought me back to being me after everything that happened to me. Yes, we've had our rough times but I can't imagine a life without you, Damon. You are everything to me. And when I fought you the second time around, when we fought each other, it was because there's a piece of me missing when you're not there. You are the only one for me. I don't need anyone else. I can't have anyone but you. Damon, you are my life too. I will never stop loving you. And I got the future I wanted. I got you. I got to be a writer. I don't need to be anything else. I don't need anything else in my future as long as I have you in it."

"Forever," Elena breathed. "We have forever together and that's all I that want. I just want to be with you for the rest of my life. I love you, Damon. You consume every inch of me and I can't wait to be your wife. I can't wait to start this journey with you. I can't wait to be with you forever."

For a moment I just stood there and stared at this remarkable woman in front of me. She had grown and changed so much but she still remained the same. She was my Elena and always would be. I grinned like I had never smiled before and closed the reminder of the space between us, overwhelmed by the love between the two of us. I wrapped my arms around her waist and pulled her closer to me. I didn't care that everyone was watching us now and that the Vicar hadn't said 'you may kiss the bride'. I didn't care. I loved this girl in front of me and we had forever. We had the future. Nothing else mattered now. She was mine and I was hers.

"Forever," I breathed against her lips before taking her up in my arms and kissing her like I had never kissed her before. My arms wrapped tightly around her, my fingers on the back of her dress, caressing the fine material and holding her close. I knew she would be mad at me for kissing her so passionately in front of her friends and family like this but at this moment we both just didn't care. All the darkness in our past was over and if there was more to come then we would deal with it together. We had each other and most importantly, we had an eternity ahead of us. We had forever.

* * *

><p><em><strong>And I will never stop holding your hand<strong>_

_**I will never stop opening your door**_

_**I will never stop choosin' you, babe**_

_**I will never get used to you**_

_**And with this love song to you**_

_**It's not a momentary phase**_

_**You are my life, I don't deserve you**_

_**But you love me just the same**_

_**And as the mirror says we're older**_

_**I will not look the other way**_

_**You are my life, my love, my only**_

_**And that's the one thing that won't change.**_

* * *

><p><em>So that's the ending. What did you think? You have no idea how nervous I am about this because whenever I write an epilogue it never feels like I've wrote a good enough ending. Please review and let me know what you think one last time! I can't believe this is the last chapter, omg. Haha, it just seems surreal. I really hoped you loved it and I just want to give big massive shout out to all you once more! THANK YOU FOR READING AND EVERYTHING ELSE THAT YOU'VE DONE!<em>

_Soundtrack for Just A Memory _

_1. Joel & Luke ~ Loves To Blame_

_2. Bon Jovi ~ Always _

_3. The Script ~ Long Gone and Moved On_

_4. Ed Sheeran ~ Give Me Love_

_5. Lifehouse ~ Whatever It Takes_

_6. Lifehouse ~ Broken _

_7. Matt Kearney ~ Ships In The Night_

_8. Birdy ~ Skinny Love_

_9. Lifehouse ~ You & Me_

_10. Lawson ~ Standing In The Dark_

_11. One Republic ~ Secrets _

_12. Daughtry ~ What About Now_

_13. Jason Mraz ~ I Won't Give Up_

_14. Nickelback ~ I'd Come For You_

_15. Christina Perri ~ A Thousand Years_

_16. Miley Cyrus ~ Goodbye_

_17. Trading Yesterday ~ May I _

_18. Safetysuit ~ Never Stop (Wedding Version)_

_Okay that's the soundtrack! _

_I have some more stories coming up, for example, Summer Love, Darling, Don't Give Up On Me Yet etc but I am waiting till I finish writing the majority of my other stories before I start publishing. So you will be hearing more from me soon. _

_THANKS AGAIN GUYS!_

_Twitter: iansgrande (always there) _

_instagram: xolaurenjade_

_tumblr: aprincesstothepublic _

_Love,_

_Lauren aka MidnightGirl467 xXx_


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